I am now suffering through the "second wave" of a hangover that has me wishing I would suffer an unfortunate accident wherein I lose the ability to swallow.
If my hangover were a person:
They would steal your lunch then throw the sandwich in your face for having ham rather than turkey.
They would borrow your favorite sweater and throw up jell-o shots on it.
They would put itch powder in all of your unders.
They would change all the clocks in your house so you're late to your Uncle Bob's funeral.
They would cook rich & delicious food for you then buy you cute clothes two sizes too small.
They would poop in your toilet and not flush it while you are on a two week vacation in Quebec.
They would buy seventeen rounds of martinis and let you think it's a good idea to walk home naked & wearing 4-inch heels.
Their name would be Percival Hootenanny and he would win the lottery and not give you one red cent even though you're living in a refrigerator box under a freeway overpass and you donated a kidney to him that one time.
That Percival, he's a real asshole.
I may be hungover, but at least I'm home now. We just drove 2.5 hours and I'm pooped. Let's pick up where we left off tomorrow, o.k? Mommy needs her beauty sleep.