Thursday, November 8, 2007

Give a monkey a sharpie and they'll show you the world.

Today I thought I'd dazzle you with my mad art skillz.

Exhibit #1 is my depiction of what I like to call "Remote control perfection: how to train monkeys to use the t.v."

In a perfect world, these are all the buttons you need.
And the answer to your question is no.
No, I did not think of this the other night when I changed the channel in bed, in the dark, and couldn't figure out how to get back to watching the dvd. No, I did not fumble with the remote of 5 minutes next to my snoring Mr. while I mumbled "fucking remote" and "stupid fingers".
Um, no I did not just turn the t.v. off and try to sleep out of frustration after first calling the remote an asshole.
Nope.







Exhibit #2 is titled: "Either a spider laid her eggs in my chin or I'm brewing up two serious zits."

At my age (29) I shouldn't still be getting zits. This seems unfair and possibly illegal. And, if they insist on making an appearance, I would prefer that they aren't (approximately) the size of a skittle.





Tomorrow we will unveil my masterpiece: "American Gothic redux: Charo and Pauly Shore settle down on the farm"

Thank you for visiting. Donations are gladly accepted.


*Day eight? Nablopomo, signing out.

26 comments:

Chiada said...

Unfortunately I've had more like 5 or 6 on my chinny chin chin for the past 5 days! And none of them have 'ripened' to a state where I can get rid of them, if you know what I mean. They just sit there and refuse to budge despite the poking and proding and picking. Stupid zits. When does it ever end?!? Okay, I admit that I rarely wash my makeup off my face at night and that might have something to do with it. But still!

Whiskeymarie said...

I ALWAYS wash my makeup off, no matter what, so it seems extra unfair that I have these tumors on my face.

I always refer to the ones that "blossom", if you will, as "going full-term".
Like I'm expelling a baby from my face.

Suze said...

Just wait until you hit your 40's WM. Pimples, long hairs, red veins - they all pop up on your face overnight. The 40's - good times.

Nature Girl said...

I hate to tell you this..but I'm 38 and they still make an appearance every now and again..and I wash my makeup off fairly regulularly...and I use all the proper anti aging bullsh*t too...sigh..
Stacie

Butrfly Garden said...

Well, I'm a few years behind you yet and I regularly get them in that same spot. (Actually, no, mirrored.) I don't wash my face until morning (I KNOW, I'm gross!), but I blame the telephone and/or touching my face for the little bastards.

My mom still gets zits, though, and she's almost 43. And washes her face at night.

But you're right, it's not fair. They should just GO AWAY. Especially for those who paid their dues during puberty (which I did not, so I guess mine IS fair).

CDP said...

Suzel's right, I'm sorry to say. I'm 42, and they still make occasional appearances, and usually right in that particular spot.

McGone said...

I'll speak for the much smaller "Y Chromosome" section of Whiskey Marie readers and say that apparently there is an epidemic, as I too had a "full-term" zit just this morning.

We should organize a celebrity hosted fundraiser to raise awareness for our plight. Then again, that's my answer to everything.

Liberality said...

blame the male hormones that everyone has (just that women don't have as much of) for the oily skin and zits. Usually the hormones go crazy in adolescence and that is why teens are beset with zits. But it never goes completely away until you are OLD and no one wants THAT right? Well, if you are old just say hahahahahahahaha I don't get zits anymore so there!

LittlePea said...

I hate zits. Oh I hate them. I have two of them on my damn forehead. I feel like there's should be an age limit for them. Like after 19 the skin should just not produce them dammit.

Stacey said...

Scarily enough I do know the remote control buttons in the dark. Yes it is a sad commentary on my life. I watch way to much tv sometimes.

Lollie said...

I'm just here to say that I don't think your nose looks like a bum. That is all.

Lollie said...

Oh - and another little known fact about me...I am an avid zit picker. Could do it all day long in my x10 lighted mirror.

nancypearlwannabe said...

That remote would definitely come in handy. Except the first button would take me directly to Court TV.

Mariposa said...

i hate zits! and i alaways get them...no matter how i try to clean my face! most of the time, i get them when i lack sleep or when im stress...

Mountjoy said...

Never mind the festering pustules. Enquiring minds are scared that your nose is taking on butt-like tendencies. Or are they nipple-less breasts?

Either way, I can see you making a fortune on the talk show circuit (although if it IS the former, it's gonna be a bitch when you sneeze...)

Anonymous said...

Zits are a pain. In more ways than one. They're probably not as bad as you think. I still get them at my age. Yuk.

Patti

Gunfighter said...

I guess I won't tell you that at age 43 I never get them.... and didn't really have a problem as a teenager.

Maybe I am in a world of trouble in a few tears.

Inarticulate Fumblings said...

My sister seemed to get all of the acne genes... I managed to escape my teens with only a few minor red bumps.

Until my 30th birthday that is, when I got one of those "won't surface, unpickable, if you brush something against it you are writhing in pain" ones. I'm guessing it was something like your Skittle, only buried an inch under my skin. Boo.

Lisa said...

Bwaahaahaahaahaa!!! You crack me up!

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the zits. They still find us at the age of 40 too. Gah, I know!

metalia said...

I want that remote. (Oh, and Murad makes the BEST pimple cream ever. It's a miracle, I tell you.)

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You'll still get zits at 40 hon. Trust me I know.

dguzman said...

What IS it with the lady chin attracting the zits!? I'm 43 and I STILL get them. I never had zits as a teen; I waited until I turned 30 to go through the hormone surge, I guess. And I don't even wear makeup.

I LOVE your remote, only next to the Law&Order button, could you put a Discovery Channel button? Thanks. I'll watch my mailbox for mine. COD, right?

Shannon Erin said...

I'm totally broken out right now, and I'm super pissed. I've never had bad skin, but I haven't had this many zits since I was a teenager. I feel your pain.

Did you ever see the Slumber Party Massacre with the girl who had the huge exploding zit on her face? Every time I get one, I think of that scene. Eww.

lizgwiz said...

In a perfect world one would NEVER be forced to endure both wrinkles AND zits. Sadly, it ain't a perfect world...

EmBee said...

Wow, you're like Picasso or something!

Sorry to tell you this... but I'm 43 and I'm currently sporting a lovely 'skittle' of my own upon my cheek... It's like eternal puberty... SHIT!

Fran said...

I am just playing NoCoMo or comment every day. I missed yesterday. Does writing it today count???

I will be 50 on Monday and still getting fecking zits. It sucks.