So I'm back from my vehicular trip to the great white north, and I'm not even hung over today.
And yes, I know I was supposed to be updating you with a real post and such about my activities while I was actually there, but I was actually too busy with the activities to sit down and talk about them. Go figure.
I went up this weekend just to hang out with my girl Waffle. We haven't had a weekend for the two of us to just hang out and do stupid stuff for a while, and I have a long weekend so it seemed like a good time to do just that.
Waffle and I have been friends for 25+ years now. That's a long time to play my straight man, bless her heart.
In case you haven't noticed, I can be a real handful. She is a saint.
And, she has a lovely home with a lovely guest room that I have claimed for my own. I always get dibs because I'm special like that. She even kicks the dog out of there when I visit.
A little tidbit about Mrs. Waffle:
She has never read my blog and never will. She knows about it, but the first thing she said when I first told her about it was "blogs are gross." She thinks that it's weird to put your life out there for all to see, and she (accurately) thinks that it's a touch narcissistic. I asked her if we had met before, because if she hasn't figured this out about me by now, well she just hasn't been paying attention then. She knows how it works: I'm Homer, She's Marge.
Now I think it's funny to tell her all about stuff I do here, because it disgusts her. When I told her this weekend about dressing up like a prune just for fun, this is the face she made:
I love to gross her out. She is very easily disgusted, that poor, poor girl.
I also love to motion to her that I have a secret for her, then I burp in her ear.
We had a great weekend.
Tidbits from the past two days:
Here is visual proof of the previously mentioned snow.
I managed to find some that wasn't yellow, just for you because I know you hate to play with the pee snow.
When I was little, I thought that the snow that fell from the sky was the same kind of "snow" that sno-cones were made of, so I would pour kool-aid on snow and eat it.
Now that I say/type that random fact about me out loud it occurs to me how gross it is.
We also went to an art auction to raise money for this organization.
I bid on a few things, and went home with two of them. This was one of my items:
I wasn't really overly excited about this one, but when we were looking at it, Waffle said that it was creepy and disturbing and who would want that hanging in their house?
I bid on it and told her I was going to put it in the guest room so she would have to look at the creepy playground girl's face every time she stayed over. I didn't think that my (very cheap) bid would win, but lo and behold...
So now I have to find somewhere to hang "Recess" in the guest room. maybe I'll tack it to the ceiling.
The lengths I will go to just to bug her.
The other item I really, really wanted. Shit, it practically had my name written all over it:
A very large B&W photo of a rockabilly midget with a sexy lady.
Let me say that again in case you didn't hear the first time-
And he's doing the whole "Rock on!!" hand signal.
God bless America.
I also bought new shoes to wear to the auction:
Trust me, they were much cuter with fishnets and my new wrap dress from H&M.
Though, I do think that I could start a whole new trend that Vogue magazine will refer to as "rugged sophistication."
Think "little black dress" meets "parka."
Think "cocktail party" meets "kegger."
Think "finger sandwiches" meets "Doritos."
I'm having the idea trademarked as we speak.
So there you go- a weekend update, midgets and all.
Now I'm off- I haven't seen much of the Mr. lately and I think he's starting to get ideas in his pretty little head about hiring my replacement. Good luck, mister. I doubt that "new wife" would be nearly as entertaining, and I'm pretty sure "new wife" has crabs- at least that's what the word on the street is.