Friday, November 2, 2007

Three conversations, two with people other than myself

I went to buy a new chef's coat the other day. I stopped at the uniform store and started sifting through the racks, looking for the women's coats.
Most of the time these coats, for both men and women are VERY generously sized. I, for one, do not enjoy looking like a marshmallow at work, so I try to find ones that actually fit- usually with mixed results.

The following brief conversation took place between myself and the uniform saleslady, who we'll call Doris.

Doris: "Can I help you find something?"

WM: "Yeah, I'm looking for women's coats. Do you have any?"

Doris: "Over here we have a few." (gestures to some coats folded up on a shelf)
"We don't have any mediums left, but you look like a LARGE would fit you just fine."

Me: "Um, actually...I usually buy a small, even in women's sizes. They usually fit just fine."

Doris: (tentatively) "Sure. O.k. You should probably try it on first though. Just to make sure."

me: "Um, o.k."

(I slide it on, it fits perfectly. I look over at Doris and give her a stilted little smile of triumph. She timidly smiles back. She can sense my smug satisfaction and clearly just wants me to go away. Now, if possible.)

Me: "I'll take two please."


(Enter scene. I'm driving by myself in my oldish, but much beloved car)

Me: "Hey there old guy, sounds like someone is starting to die on me..."

(I realize my mistake)

Me: "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I know you're a girl. How silly of me. I'm sorry."

(a minute or so passes)

Me: "You know I'm sorry, right? Are we good? You know I love my Big Red, right? Right?" (I gingerly pat the dashboard...)


A while back, the Mr. and I were sitting on the couch discussing some new and useless product we saw on a commercial.

Me: "We should really buy that."

Mr. WM: "Why? Because we saw it on the T.V?"

Me: "Maybe we could get it at the Wal-mart. But how would we know if they carry it?"

Mr. WM: "Well, we could look it up on the Google."

Me: "O.k, I'm done. You win."

By the way, has anyone seen my AARP card? I seem to have left it somewhere. Check under the bus seats for me, will you?
And if the phrase "the Wal-mart" is ever not funny to me, please poke me with a sharp stick, for I am obviously either comatose or dead.


Have a great Friday, my beloved morsels of toasted, cheese-coated penguin toes.
See you tomorrow...


Anonymous said...

Your AARP card was mailed to me by mistake last month. Somehow they put my name on it.


CDP said...

oh no she di'in'...way to make a sale, Doris.

Stefanie said...

Whoops. That should have been "Intendo," not "Intento," which makes a little more sense but is, you know, still WRONG.

Stefanie said...

I have a friend whose mom used to call his video game console "the Intento."

Also, cheese-coated penguin toes? Where DO you come up with this stuff?

ps said...

doll i saw this and thought of you:

Stacey said...

Oooo someone else who talks to their ride. I talk to my vehicles frequently. Hell just because they might be old doesn't mean they don't need love too.
And what you should have said to Doris was "Boo-yah - take that beyotch" after you tried the coat on.

Suze said...

I knew you liked me. You and your pet names for me. Cheese-coated penguin toes - gawsh!

feisty said...

if you start wearing pink sweatshirts with applique kittens and fake white collars sewn into them...i will worry.

kat said...

"The WalMart" has a ring to it that "The KMart" or "The Target" cannot even begin to approach. WHY IS THAT?!

Nature Girl said...

Oh Man, I hope Doris learned her lesson and doesn't make that mistake again. Karma will surely come around and kick her in the ass before long..

Courtney said...

Cheese coated penguin toes? Really? Ewe.

Have you seen Miss South Carolina talk about the THE Iraq???? OMG Google it! You'll die.

Fran said...

Lookit mah gurl hangin' in there with a post a day.

Go easy, they can be short posts.

They actually just sent me 2 AARP cards. Should I be worried? I have to mail in my check! Yikes - only a little over a week left.

If you want, I can give you my extra card!

Simple Blog Writer said...

Hey, I'm checking out the blogs in the MN group for NaBlo. Your blog has a rep for being great - and it is.

I'm proud to say I've never been there, but the WalMart is funny.

Minnesota expat

kerrianne said...

I can't believe that lady called your size (incorrectly). Gah.

Distributorcap said...

you can have my AARP card...i cant believe i have one

LittlePea said...

Well aren't you going to grace us with pictures of you in your new coats?

Mamacita Chilena said...

I think you might love Chile. They put the in front of everything, even people's I'm la Kyle...The Kyle. Seriously, you gotta love it.

abbersnail said...

Sweet Jeebus, you crack me up. Also, I'm sure she has forgiven you by now. ;-)

Butrfly Garden said...

My work coat makes me look like an obese smurf.

McGone said...

It may just be a random image you pulled off of Google to fit your post, but I heart you for using a poster of "The Conversation." Great movie.

Whiskeymarie said...

Mcgone- It wasn't random at all. And I heart you back, but in a totally nonthreatening, non-stalkerish way.
For now.