Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Warning: Scat references ahead. You've been warned.


I have briefly discussed it before, but at work I am blessed to have a key to one of the only private "water closets" in the building. This is a ladies-only can designated for the few of us girlfolk working in our department.

Well, I walked in last night and saw something disturbing (beyond the usual horrors described in the previous post):


The toilet seat was up.


And there were pee splatters distinct to those prevalent in the urination rituals of some of the lesser-evolved menfolk in our species.

Oh sweet Jebus, there's been a breach! Repeat, there's been a breach!!!!!!!!!

(I might add here that the boys in our dept. have their own private crapper NEXT DOOR to ours.)

I have heard tales from the Mensroom that even make me- foulmouthed, crass, inappropriate girl that I am- shudder from the sheer inhumanity involved. Tales of an "odd" dishwashing staff that seems to have no regard for aim or the olfactory senses of the rest of the human race. I have heard whispers of "he was in there for an hour!" and "we may have to just burn the building down to clean out the funk" and "It's like someone just threw a paper bag of shit against the wall."

And I knew, among these whispers and rumors, that whatever complaints I had about our water closet were of no consequence compared to tales from the men's room.

But I don't give a shit (pun intended).

Just because "Bill" the dishwasher is systematically destroying the plumbing and tilework of your bathroom doesn't mean that you get to migrate into ours. Just buy a damn air freshener already.

You are not ladies, you may not use the ladies' room.
Are we clear on this?

Because- just so you know, I don't have much going on in class this week. Monitoring the can usage would give me a mission, a purpose. I would very much enjoy busting you red-handed, whoever you are.

Then I'm telling everyone.
Everyone.

I may even send out a system-wide e-mail.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(me, laughing maniacally and rubbing my hands together)

I mean it.

Stay the fuck out.

16 comments:

nancypearlwannabe said...

Oh, ewww. They use your bathroom AND leave it destroyed? WTF? They could at least pretend to give a shit.

McGone said...

Carbon me on that email, would you? I'd like to see how you phrase the situation "professionally."

Nocturnal said...

Damn, that is definitely nuclear central right there. Best break out the Chernobyl gear on that one WM.

Cheers

Nature Girl said...

I went into a public ladies loo the other day and as I walked into the stall, I noticed the seat up and pee splatters. I might have thought a mom brought her kid in with her if I hadn't just witnessed the "woman" leave the stall. It occurs to me that "she" didn't wash "her" hands on "her" way out either now that I think about it.

I waited for the next stall to open up. It's bad enough I have to share a bathroom with a man at home, let alone sharing one with a man dressed as a woman in public. WTF???

3carnations said...

Not cool. I am the only female at work, so technically I have my own bathroom. Every once in a while, when the men's room is occupied, they use mine. I don't like it. They are slobs. Last week, I was the last one in the office and someone had left the exhaust fan on in the men's room. I peeked in to turn it off...The trash can was overflowing; several paper towels were on the floor. Ick.

Mariposa said...

Yikes! That email of yours should prompt them on how to properly use the bathroom...

Lollie said...

I think a simple note on the wall behind the toilet in the Ladies would suffice. "Are you holding your junk? Get the fuck out."

Suze said...

If you need back up, give me a call.

Mountjoy said...

My sphincter closes up another notch just thinking about having to crap at work. Call me a bowel nazi, but with the exception of medical conditions and food poisoning victims, anyone taking a dump in the office toilet should be fired - male or female. It's just WRONG.

Jon said...

Maybe one of the "ladies" there isn't all lady. If you know what I mean.

Ghost Dansing said...

Ladies Room

i can't stand kiss

Fran said...

EEEEEEEEEEW.

Yucky. Stay away.

As I used to say to someone "do you actually hold on to that thing when you pee or is it just a free form spray?"

Katrin said...

The girl's room is a lot more disgusting than the men's. At least in our office. My take on that is that women "do" things in there in three colors, while men only have two. If you know what I mean...

Stacey said...

Ok so I feel compelled to share that at my last employer we all had to share a bathroom ( we did eventually move to "normal" building with normal bathrooms. Uh and one day I found some anti-itch cream on the back of the toilet bowl. You can only imagine how pleased I was.

Butrfly Garden said...

since being forced to use the "floor" bathroom, I've had a really strange fear that men will go in there. I couldn't figure out why I was so freaked out about it!! It's not like it's "norm" or anything. Maybe my subconsious was reading your blog while I was grounded from the interweb.

Ed said...

Hi, Whiskeymarie,

Found my way here from Monkey Muck, and I like your style! Keep it up.

On the bathroom issue, it seems to me, since it appears to be a one-person-at-a-time bathroom, why should the gender of the user matter as long as they leave it clean? (although it sounds like someone made a mess, in this case.)
At home I share a bathroom with three females. I probably should just leave it at that. One of them might be reading this. ;-)