Saturday, November 17, 2007

Marshmallowy coats and chocolatey marshmallows

I bit the bullet and did it, sort of not on purpose.

I needed a new coat and I found myself knee-deep at Rosedale Mall with 2,784,987 other people today.

Like it or not, I was christmas shopping. Ick.

My main goal was to go to JCPenney (yes, JCPenney. Judge not judgers- fashion is where you find it.) I had been looking for 3/4 black, down-filled coats online- and they had one I liked- but I didn't feel like paying $15.95 for shipping. I stupidly assumed that I would find the same coat in the store, on sale, and would not only save on shipping, but would probably get it for 50% less.

I am, it seems, a complete dumbass.

I walked in, completely unaware that there was some super-duper-mega-awesome sale going on that ended in 10 minutes.
But I saw coats were 60% off- how could I be so lucky, I retardedly thought to myself.

Again, me? Dumbass.

I rifled through the racks looking for the coat or a reasonable facsimile. I didn't find THE one, but there was an almost cuter version just calling my name- puffy, but not too puffy, good fabric and part (50%, not exactly what I wanted, but close) down filling. I tried it on, it fit perfectly. I started mentally carving the plaque that would be presented to me when I won the 2007 "Shopper of the Year" award sponsored by Grey Goose Vodka on VH1.

The I looked at the price tag.


Are you fucking kidding me??

How does the SAME store have a BETTER jacket online for less than 1/3 the price?

I started laughing to myself as I put it back on the rack.

I KNOW it was still a good deal for a down coat, but I couldn't do it on principle. Nope.
I am nothing if not strong in my consumer beliefs.

Thou shalt not gouge thy customer, Sir JCPenney.

So, I decided since I was already at the damn mall I would do a little damage to the christmas list.

I looked at the men's department a bit. I hope the other girl looking at the same rack of sweaters I was didn't hear me when I called them "fucking ugly". It just slipped out, kind of loudly. Just pretend I have Tourette's.

At Macy's there was ANOTHER ginormous one-day freak out going on and there was a DJ playing lame techno music in the cosmetics department. It was a little too much. Makeup salegirls were much more aggressive than usual, and they were jumping over each other to "fix" me.
Ladies, I know I looked like shit. Eight pounds of Benefit/Prescriptives/Clinique cosmetics are not going to change the fact that I'm in ripped jeans, a stocking cap, tennies, and my hair is kind of fuzzy today.
Sparkly eyeshadow ain't gonna make a dent today, but kudos to y'all for trying.

I made a stop at Godiva (chocolate biscuits for the Mr's grandma, a dark chocolate-covered marshmallow for me), the Body Shop, Gap (big mistake), and Herbergers. There was some old lady who was dressed up like Ms. Claus wandering the sales floor there. Every time I turned around she was RIGHT THERE, freaking me out in her bonnet and red dress.

Lady, I value my personal space. Back the fuck off. And tell your husband I want lots of presents, thank you.

Ultimately, I did find the coat.

At Marshall's.

Calvin Klein, 100% down-filled and a perfect fit.

It has a crazy collar that will come in handy on those -30 degree days, not to mention on those days that I up and decide to go on a bank-robbing spree:

I was worried it would be too confining, so I tried a badass kick:

Worked fine.

I love my new, warm lovely coat. And it was only $80.

Merry christmas to me.

Oh, and I'm going to see Beowulf tonight in 3D. No, I'm not that excited about that fact either.
I let you know tomorrow how it was.


Nocturnal said...

Clue me in on the next bank you plan to rob, hotties with guns rock.

Cheers WM

Flenker said...

How can you not be excited about Beowulf? It's freaking Beowulf for crying out loud! Though, you probably should be seeing No Country for Old Men. I want to see both very badly. Because, yes, I'm a dork.

NotSoccer Mom said...

yeah, there were a million people out today here too. what the hell? i could barely walk thru target.

secretmom said...

Congrats on the good shopping.

And I love this: "There was some old lady who was dressed up like Ms. Claus wandering the sales floor there. Every time I turned around she was RIGHT THERE, freaking me out in her bonnet and red dress.

Lady, I value my personal space. Back the fuck off. And tell your husband I want lots of presents, thank you."

Gretta said...

Nicely played Grasshopper!

And don't ever let me hear you say you've been in JCPenney again.

The Trifecta of Affordable Fashion:
Marshall's, TJMaxx, DSW.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Katrin said...

Sales girls never attack me. Oh, wait. They do when I feel that I did a good job with my make up (Me: "Thanks, but I am already wearing make up". She: "Oh,... reeeeaaallly?!"). When I feel that I could use some free make up to make me look like Peggy Bundy, they don't.
Good job on the coat!

Freida Bee, MD said...

I look at the price tags BEFORE I try them on.

Not kidding, my daughter (14) who will idolize your lip modeling proclivities has the same coat you got (Burlington Coat Factory, like I give a %$^- I mean anywhere not the mall. )

They closed the JCPenny in our local mall and I happened to be walking by after the crowds had left. It was freakishly cheap and vacant. That's how I prefer my shopping (or any) experiences to feel.

H said...

Well, as long as you can still do a badass kick you're in good shape. Nice find. And kudos to you for braving the mall - a scary, scary place to be this time of year.

nancypearlwannabe said...

My mother just called to tell me about this exact same sale. The DAY AFTER.

Suze said...

Very nice coat. Listen, I won't turn you in as the infamous "Ninja Bank Bandit" to John Walsh if you split half the cash on your bank sprees. Okay?

Butrfly Garden said...

I hate the mall ANY time of year. Especially this time. Especially Rosedale. (It's just so...big...and scary.)

But I love your coat. You look like you'll be warm.

Let me know how Beowulf is...I'm on the fence about seeing it. On one hand, it has my girlfriend in it, but on the other hand, it's a computer animated girlfriend.

Nature Girl said... must have been my shopping twin yesterday. I did the exact same thing, looking for coats at the mall clueless as to the sales going on, and the mobs of make up artists begging for my attention. I seriously wanted to kill myself. I went to LUSH instead and treated myself to a bottle of snow fairey. It was a fair trade off considering I bought the big bottle and got free soap for the effort. I did not come home with a coat though, so unfortunately I have to repeat the entire torturous process later this week.
Your coat rocks! I love it.

CDP said...

Very cute coat. I, too, made the enormous mistake of entering a mall today, and that will be the last weekend foray to a mall until January 2008. And Beowulf? They don't have enough money to pay me to see that, but maybe I'm wrong. I'll be back for your movie review.

Mariposa said...

I admire your courage for saying no to the first jacket moreso with your patience 'til you found the ultimate jacket for you!

I'm thinking, maybe if it was me...I could have bought it and miss the other one which is at more reasonable price...I have to learn this art!!! :D

Rebecca said...

that is one groovy coat! I want it.

LaraAnne said...

"And tell your husband I want lots of presents" - hee hee!