Saturday, November 17, 2007
Marshmallowy coats and chocolatey marshmallows
I bit the bullet and did it, sort of not on purpose.
I needed a new coat and I found myself knee-deep at Rosedale Mall with 2,784,987 other people today.
Like it or not, I was christmas shopping. Ick.
My main goal was to go to JCPenney (yes, JCPenney. Judge not judgers- fashion is where you find it.) I had been looking for 3/4 black, down-filled coats online- and they had one I liked- but I didn't feel like paying $15.95 for shipping. I stupidly assumed that I would find the same coat in the store, on sale, and would not only save on shipping, but would probably get it for 50% less.
I am, it seems, a complete dumbass.
I walked in, completely unaware that there was some super-duper-mega-awesome sale going on that ended in 10 minutes.
But I saw coats were 60% off- how could I be so lucky, I retardedly thought to myself.
Again, me? Dumbass.
I rifled through the racks looking for the coat or a reasonable facsimile. I didn't find THE one, but there was an almost cuter version just calling my name- puffy, but not too puffy, good fabric and part (50%, not exactly what I wanted, but close) down filling. I tried it on, it fit perfectly. I started mentally carving the plaque that would be presented to me when I won the 2007 "Shopper of the Year" award sponsored by Grey Goose Vodka on VH1.
The I looked at the price tag.
Are you fucking kidding me??
How does the SAME store have a BETTER jacket online for less than 1/3 the price?
I started laughing to myself as I put it back on the rack.
I KNOW it was still a good deal for a down coat, but I couldn't do it on principle. Nope.
I am nothing if not strong in my consumer beliefs.
Thou shalt not gouge thy customer, Sir JCPenney.
So, I decided since I was already at the damn mall I would do a little damage to the christmas list.
I looked at the men's department a bit. I hope the other girl looking at the same rack of sweaters I was didn't hear me when I called them "fucking ugly". It just slipped out, kind of loudly. Just pretend I have Tourette's.
At Macy's there was ANOTHER ginormous one-day freak out going on and there was a DJ playing lame techno music in the cosmetics department. It was a little too much. Makeup salegirls were much more aggressive than usual, and they were jumping over each other to "fix" me.
Ladies, I know I looked like shit. Eight pounds of Benefit/Prescriptives/Clinique cosmetics are not going to change the fact that I'm in ripped jeans, a stocking cap, tennies, and my hair is kind of fuzzy today.
Sparkly eyeshadow ain't gonna make a dent today, but kudos to y'all for trying.
I made a stop at Godiva (chocolate biscuits for the Mr's grandma, a dark chocolate-covered marshmallow for me), the Body Shop, Gap (big mistake), and Herbergers. There was some old lady who was dressed up like Ms. Claus wandering the sales floor there. Every time I turned around she was RIGHT THERE, freaking me out in her bonnet and red dress.
Lady, I value my personal space. Back the fuck off. And tell your husband I want lots of presents, thank you.
Ultimately, I did find the coat.
Calvin Klein, 100% down-filled and a perfect fit.
It has a crazy collar that will come in handy on those -30 degree days, not to mention on those days that I up and decide to go on a bank-robbing spree:
I was worried it would be too confining, so I tried a badass kick:
I love my new, warm lovely coat. And it was only $80.
Merry christmas to me.
Oh, and I'm going to see Beowulf tonight in 3D. No, I'm not that excited about that fact either.
I let you know tomorrow how it was.