Sunday, November 18, 2007

Do yourself a favor and get drunk before seeing this movie.

O.k, Beowulf? Um...yeah.

Brief summary:

  • Creepy CGI animation, kind of like that Tom Hanks Xmas dealie a while back with the train & such. I never saw it, but the commercials freaked me out, much like the animation did here. I hate hate HATE that creepy stuff. Just use real people, dammit.
  • The 3-D stuff was cool. We saw this at the MN Zoo on the IMAX screen and had to wear these GIANT glasses to get the full "experience". Blood and gore are infinitely more entertaining in 3D.
  • Even in CGI, a naked Viggo Mortensen is super tasty. Mmmmmm..., mmmmmm...good. You can pillage and conquer my village any day, Mr. V.
  • I wish Robin Wright-Penn would do more movies. Warning: Girl crush alert! She really does have a lovely face, that girl.
  • With all the Angelina hype, I have to say...meh. Knowing what she has been actually looking like for the last few years, I knew that they had to "pad" the CGI Angelina a bit. There's no way that sticks & bones Angie was the same bod that was on the screen. No. Way. And, I know her character was supposed to be the image of evil, but I just didn't buy it. And, (you'll understand this if you see the movie) why was her one son a mutated, scaly, hairy, dentally-challenged freak of nature, but the second son was, quite literally, a golden Adonis? I know Anthony Hopkins is no man-god, but I doubt his offspring would be quite so fugly.
  • The song at the end of the movie made me want to poke chopsticks in my ears until I could make darn sure that I was deaf. Holy mother of all that is wrong with music this song was craptacular. This is what happens when angsty teenagers that spend too much time at the Renaissance Fair are allowed to write songs.

So no- I didn't love it. But on the other hand, it wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, so it's go that going for it, which is nice.
Save your money- see it on Netflix. Spend the cash you'll save on booze and pills, or maybe a discount pony.

Move along now- nothing to see here, folks.

My completely NOT A GEEK husband has corrected me. It was not Viggo M. that I was lusting after. It is some guy named Ray. With the CGI I couldn't tell the difference. Sorry Ray.
The Mr. said he didn't want me putting "bad information" out in internetland, cause' we all know there's none of that out there already.
Thanks, dear.


Nature Girl said... angelina jolie is in that movie huh? that explains why, when I got on the computer after my teenage son there was a search in the history box for "naked angelina jolie beowulf"
oh the joys of raising boys..maybe I should just take him to see the damn movie!

Butrfly Garden said...

hahah, Stacie!!!

That's good to know. I will definitely save it for netflix. When there are no other good movies coming out. And I will get drunk advised.

Landis said...

excellent. i almost went.

what is a "discount pony"?

does it involve anything that requires napkins?

or tequila?

Whiskeymarie said...

Stacie- She's only "kind of" naked (no nipples, no pooner)- and since it's not really her own body...

butrfly- As well you should.

Landis- You can usually find discount ponies at the Wal-Mart behind the hunting gear, depending on the season. And yes, you will need napkins and tequila.
And probably a bucket of hamsters.

Sean said...

Wait If I get it on Netflix do I misss the cool 3-D gore? Not sure if I want to pass that up? Or Robin Wright-Penn 3-d? Decisions. Now I must ponder......

Mommy Lisa said...

Tom Hanks creeps me out lately without CGI. Who gets that puffy whent they are married to a hot babe with a lisp like Rita Wilson?

Stefanie said...

All you had to say was creepy like that Tom Hanks Christmas movie. That's enough to make me stay away.

CDP said...

This is exactly what I would have expected this movie to be. I'll pass. And Robin Wright Penn is so underrated, she's absolutely great in everything she's in and she makes a movie like once every 5 years.

Lollie said...

HAHAHAHAHA!! Holy mother of all that is wrong with music this song was craptacular is the best line of the month.

dguzman said...

I'm thinking I'd rather read it than watch that creepy CGI shit version, but maybe that's because I was an English major in college.

I've seen that discount pony at Target -- fake fur, plastic saddle and food, etc. But he does come with a little brush so you can groom his mane. I sooo want him.

Katrin said...

The song sucks. The movie, well thanks for the review, I would've never gone to see it anyways, as nothing will get me into a fantasy movie that doesn't feature a little boy with a scar on his forehead. And I don't like "Angie" at all. Period.

Gretta said...


Or, that's what I WOULD have said, if I were just hurriedly commenting, and not reading WM's recommendation, but I hate Wal-Mart and refuse to shop there. So...


Stacey said...

Duly noted. I will wait for the video.
I remember having to read that story as required reading in 7th or 8th grade I can't quite remember. Anyhoo, I recall enjoying the story...but yeah we all know that sometimes books just don't translate well on screen (interpret that as sucky directors actors...maybe even a sucky screen play)

Maya said...

I like to save time and bring champagne to the movies, and wee little plastic flutes. That way I can combine the activities. But you can't get the 3-D effect from a DVD, can you?

Suze said...

Thanks for the Netflix update. Now I can spend my money on those herbal pills that will boost my "willy" as the 1,000 spam emails I receive daily tells me.

L Sass said...

Angelina is SO big in the tabloids, but when you think about it, she's had a fairly crappy movie career. Sure, she won an Oscar for Girl Interrupted, but a lot of her movies have been crap. I'm over her.