Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Another reason why the FBI is "keeping an eye" on me.

So, we're remodeling soon. In order to be able to afford a project like this, we opted to re-finance the house over me taking a side job as a "special needs" stripper. Pasties give me a rash, and on the plus side we got a better rate, our payment is hardly going up, and such and such.
So when you do this, the bank basically sends you a big-assed check which will then serve as your "remodeling fund".
We got this big-assed check last week (and by the way, UPS- leaving a priority envelope on my front stairs where any yahoo could walk buy and steal my new bathroom, new wiring and pretty new other stuff is totally not cool), but I just got around to depositing it today.

So I walk into the bank, fill out the deposit slip, then sidle up to the teller.

Him: "Hi there, what can I do for you today?"

Me: "I'd like to deposit this into my savings, but I can't remember my account number. Could you look it up?"

Him: "Sure, just let me take a look at that..." (pauses.) "So, can I ask why you have such a big check?"

Me: "Oh, yeah. I sold a kidney."

(crickets) (teller makes a frowny face)

Him: "Um..."

Me: "Just kidding! We refinanced, blah, blah, blah..."

He reaches under the desk and pushes the silent alarm. Security comes running and I'm dragged off screaming "I'm kidding! Can't anyone take jokes about selling your organs on the black market anymore???"

O.k, that last part didn't really happen.
But the rest did, and I learned today that no- no indeed- people do not think organ-selling jokes are funny anymore.
How come no one told me?

36 comments:

McGone said...

I always pictured you as a sidler.

I'm a mosey-er myself. But I have been known to amble.

LVGurl said...

I hate it when people don't get/choose not to be amused by my jokes.

3carnations said...

You know what else isn't funny? When the teller asks where you got your money from. Pretty sure that's not in the job description. Kind of like the pharmacist asking why you've got the prescription for {fill in the blank}.

That story annoyed me. Sorry. :)

LittlePea said...

I would have laughed. But I don't work in a bank.

Love the punk in the last post by the way.

John said...

LOL. Whiskey, you're a hoot. Bean counters aren't exactly known for their sense of humor.

You mean your big-assed check from Dubya won't cover your remodeling? Hopefully, Dubya's check will cover the 2nd housewarming party when you're done. Will you be stripping at the housewarming party? Blog that PLEASE! ; )

Stefanie said...

I'm with 3Cs--why the heck is he asking where you got the money from anyway? Was there anything about the check that might make it look fake? Odd.

Lara said...

Seriously? He asked you where you got the money? What a jackass. I love you for saying you sold a kidney.

Suze said...

I would've told you but I only get one phone call a week and I had to call my dad for father's day. My bad.

wafelenbak said...

Totally on board with the other commenters. Your answer was great, and serves 'im right for noseying around your business anyway.
Harumph.

Siana said...

Oh, I would have went off when he asked me that question. You handled it far more better than I would have.

diatribes and dish said...

For what it's worth, I thought it was hilarious. Some people need to learn how to take a joke.

gorillabuns said...

I find organ-selling jokes are quite funny but NOT bank tellers.

-R- said...

I don't think you should have told him the real answer. Let him think you really did sell a kidney. It would serve him right for having no sense of humor. However, avoiding FBI investigation was probably a good choice on your part.

i am playing outside said...

i would probably laugh at your organ donation joke. if it was REALLY good.

Miss Pants said...

I think organ donor jokes are hilarious! Just went pull up the medical adoption (joke) website for you...but it's gone. :-( I guess not everyone appreciates the hilarity of organ donation. Whatevs!

Letty Cruz said...

Just be glad Mr. Teller didn't try to hard-sell you a dozen of their lovely bank's other services while you politely declined. And UPS also plunked my last desktop computer at my door like that, too, and sat there in full view of the street for three hours.

Moe Wanchuk said...

WM....obviously you don't understand the pressure cooker this kid works in. All I know is that when I'm strung out at work, I don't need some Wham Loving chick telling me jokes. I just want some cleavage...or a quick peak. Now that brings a smile :)

Gwen said...

UPS is lame. One of their a-hole drivers cut me off on the highway today.

Love the joke. Wish I'd seen his face.

I always fight the urge to request a body cavity search in security at the airport.

Ben said...

WTF? I would have laughed on that one. Bankers... they're just bored to death to begin with I think.

Cheers

Renaissance Woman said...

I didn't know. I guess the special needs stripper is my only choice now. I tried to refinance as well but the rate wasn't low enough that it would help. So my refinance...just plain expensive!

kat said...

I actually admire your organ-selling-joke aplomb. Had it been me, the best I'd have been able to do is some tired joke about being a high-class call girl. (The only upside, given what I usually look like, is that nobody would think I was serious.)

Enjoy remodeling. When my parents redid their bathroom, they found approximately 10,000 mouse skeletons all piled up behind the wall.

Grant Miller said...

Is the check one of those novelty, over-sized things like Ed McMahon gives out? Because that'd be cool.

CDP said...

When you say that "people" do not find organ-selling jokes funny, I am not sure to which "people" you refer, 'cause I think they're High-larious. Especially in a bank. Of course, I also think hijacking jokes are funny in an airport, but I am not brave enough to test one out and see how many of my fellow travelers share my sense of humor.

L Sass said...

I also can't believe the teller asked! Asking such a nosy question can only elicit a sassy answer. (Unless... are tellers supposed to ask where big deposits come from to ensure that it's not, like, a giant drug money check or something?)

lizgwiz said...

I think organ-selling jokes should be totally allowed in banks. It's not like it was a robbery joke, for cryin' out loud. Or that you made some crack about their completely ridiculous fees. Sheesh.

dguzman said...

It's not that your joke wasn't funny; it's that your teller was an asshole. Eff him if he can't take a joke.

I like to tell the check-out people at the store that the smokes I'm buying (for The Kat, not for me) are "for my teen--she's too young to buy."

Stacy said...

"Ask a stupid question . . . "

I would have replied that I got it as a reward for turning in nosy bank tellers.

Friday? Are you and the Mister down? I'm working, so I'll be screaming in around 11:15, FYI.

Hope to see you!!! ;)

xoxo

~S

Stacey said...

A while back I mailed a check to a landlord with a sticky note saying "Hope all is well" or something (frankly I can't remember). She didn't take the sticky note off when she went to cash it and I remember her telling me the bank totally thought it was a "stick-up" note.

Koo-key!

surviving myself said...

People also hate jokes about AIDS.

Just giving you a heads up.

Butrfly Garden said...

At least you attempted a joke. I would have glared at him and asked, "WHY?!" I'm a bitch, though.

I was mad when we tried to deposit our insurance check - it took like thirty minutes sitting down at a lady's desk and blah blah blah my attention span is not that long. I decided to just let my roof decay the next time rather than deal with the bank check thing again.

Jon said...

Two words: Vegas, baby!

That check could double itself pretty quickly, is all I'm saying.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Organ selling jokes are always funny, people who don't like them however are not.

Lollie said...

Nosy Bank Teller = Ass. You should have said you sold his Mom.

TwistedNoodle said...

I guess tellers are supposed to ask where large amounts of money for deposit are from due to the laws enacted for our so called safety. Big Brother trying to catch all of those drug dealers and terrorists. It's as shame how we as citizens are losing our rights to privacy a little at a time, all in the name of terrorism and drug laundering. Suspect everyone without just cause.

However, since he put it in the form of a question, "can I ask you"..., I would have said no thanks, just to mess with him and waited for his response.

Good luck with the remodeling. Been there myself and as much as a headache it was during the process, it was so worth it in the end.

EmBee said...

Huh? Go figure... It made me laugh!
Happy Remodeling!

Amaya said...

Why was that any of their business anyway? I would have said: "mind your business"