I have man hands, I always leave the lid (not to be confused with the seat 'cause that would just be weird) of the toilet up, I like a good steak and a sturdy martini, and after sex I tend to opt to look for the remote and possibly a sandwich rather than "cuddling".
I like to think that I'd be a good-looking dude, but really- who knows? My quirky brand of "Whiskey" might not translate so well to the testosterone-fueled half of our species.
I like to think that I'd look like this:
But I fear that the reality would be a bit harsher:
Reasons I could be a man-
- Big, manly hands
- I can enjoy a stiff, non-fussy cocktail
- I can enjoy good beer
- I drive aggressively
- I enjoy no-frills, straightforward sex with little chit-chat
- I'm an awesome trash-talker
- I'm usually full of shit
- I swear too much
- I forget important dates like anniversaries and birthdays
- I am generally uninterested in reality shows about dating, dancing or "becoming a star!"
- I think about other things when you're going on and on and on about that one thing I won't remember anyways
- I scratch myself inappropriately
- I like wearing high heels and makeup
- I drink cosmos and white wine
- I usually smell pretty
- I dream about cake sometimes
- I'm really fascinated by malls and enjoy frequent trips to them
- Generally, I don't burp or fart in front of anyone
- When you're going on and on about that one thing I won't remember anyways...I'm probably thinking about the cats and how cute they are. That, or Clive Owen humping me.
- Thinking about, talking about or being forced to watch sports makes me hate humanity for creating them
- Negative on the whole "having a penis" thing, positive on the whole "possessing a vagina" thing.
My alter ego, Jamesonmorty Von Penispants/ Man Me:
He's no Clive Owen (and he's a bit hairy, it seems), but after a few (thirteen) cocktails he might look good enough for a drunk make-out.
Or not. Whatever.
*Props to Moe Wanchuk for making me think about this the other day on this post.