Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Seven, seven, seven point five, seven...and six. Plus one.

A loooong time ago, in a land faaaaaar away...I was tagged by the lovely Aussie Rebecca to give y'all 7 random things about WM from the WM vault.

I'm generally not what you would consider an "overachiever" or "diligent" or even "someone with an attention span greater than that of a 3 year-old jacked up on Mt. Dew".
However, in an effort to improve the magic that is Whiskeymarie, I will not only comply, I will exceed that which is expected of me!
Take that, Sir laziness and Lady Sloth!

I give you: Several! Several random sevens!

The "scar" sevens:

#1) Scar in my left wrist, top: nasty swingset accident somewhere around 3 years old. The plastic seat broke and down I went. Fatass.

#2) Half moon scar around my bellybutton: A few years ago I found out I had an umbilical hernia- a condition usually reserved for small children and the severely obese. I guess it developed from years of manual labor on the docks, along with my scurvy. This is the only surgery I have ever had that involved getting put under and a refill of vicodin. Good times.

#3) Two scars, one about 1/4" across, one about 1/2" across -smack in the middle of my cleavage. This was the result of a hot sheet pan hurredly tossed into a rack- it bounced back and burned my boobies. And no, I'm not self-conscious about them. Jesus, I have so many scars I've all but given up on giving a shit anymore. I think people use them as an excuse to look at my breasteses.

#4) Smattering of faint white scars on my right knee: when I was 12 or so, I all of a sudden got this weird constellation of warts on my knee. We (me, my mom, the doctor) did everything to get rid of them- they were horrifying and icky. Then one day, after about a year, poof! Gone. I like to think that my offering up my virginity as a sacrifice to the god of dermatology (he lived behind the convenience store by my house- I think his mortal name was Doug) did the trick.

#5) Misc. 1/2" to 1" scars up my right forearm: These are from ovens at work through the years. I always seem to re-burn in the exact same spots, so I'm pretty sure these are never going away. I really should wear full body protection at work. And a helmet.

#6) Crooked hairline, faint scar on the right side: "Falling" into the corner of a coffee table, age 2. I kind of think my older sister was jockeying for domestic power and this was a failed attempt to de-throne me. I was 2 and cute, she was 4 and starting to enter that "gangly" phase.

#7) Giant (3/4") indentation on my left shoulder, back: I had a "suspicious" mole removed a few years ago. When it healed, it looked like a huge wart. I complained and they shot some stuff in it, three times. It then collapsed into itself like some sort of black hole. I am not entirely unconvinced that if I push on it 'just right' I will be able to travel through time.

The "right now" sevens:

Right now I am...

#1) wearing: a white "wife-hugger" (since we can't say the other thing anymore), cutoff old jeans (and no, I don't live in a trailer- I just have no class) and flip flops. Later on I am giving birth to my uncle/brother's baby in the bathtub in the back yard- c'mon over and watch!
#2) eating: 1 egg & 2 egg whites scrambled with veggie sausage & salsa.
#3) needing: lip balm (me getting up to look for some)(found the Aveda stuff on the end table- much better now.)
#4) looking at: the huge bunch of flowers I got for $5 at the farmer's market.
#5) planning for the day: not leaving the house under any circumstances. Well, unless I need a magazine. Or a popsicle. Or lunch.
#6) stunned: just got a call telling me that we need to tack another $1400 on to the cost of the chimney-removal party plan. Total estimate for the project: $6400. I'm going to go throw up now. I could plan two really great or three el cheapo vacations for that. Fuck you, Mr. House.
#7) watching: bad daytime t.v. There was just a herpes medication commercial on. Glad I don't have herpes.

Seven favorite foods:

#1) homemade mac & cheese with bacon and roasted tomatoes
#2) anything with good goat cheese. I would brush my teeth with goat cheese if it didn't give me such stank breath.
#3) any and all cured pork products.
#4) roasted vegetables, especially beets, onions, broccoli and sweet potatoes.
#5) pickles- only dill. Sorry bread & butter/sweet pickle lovers, here we must agree to disagree even though everyone knows I'm right.
#6) cereal- particularly Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch and anything with marshmallows.
#7) Anything with duck- especially duck confit, one of the least healthy things on the planet, but fuck if I care- it's delicious.
#7.5) Marshmallow anything- except Peeps.

Seven favorite words:
#1) Delicious (I say this way too much. I once had a student that hated this word. I would drag it out for him. Deee-lissshhhhuuuusss....)
#2) Fuck (It's just such a useful word. Really.)
#3) Booty (both the bodonkadonk and the pirate form)
#4) Scootch (as in "scootch your ass over here"- I think I may have made this one up)
#5) Schmutz (as in "you've got some schmutz on your face- here, let me get that with this kleenex that I will moisten with my tongue")
#6) Monkey (It's fun to just say this randomly, especially with people you don't know real well.)
#7) Cocktail (not only does it have the word "cock" in it, but it means delicious wonderful boozy concoctions are forthcoming.)

And finally, six "new-to-me/relatively new-to-me" blogs very recently added to the links list- therefore you should read them too. I insist. Really. I mean it. Read them, dammit, if you know what's good for you (me, staring you down):

#1) Constant Winter- She is what I aspire to be when I grow up.
#2) Extraneous Kickassery- because it's nice to have the boys around too.
#3) Fruit Loops and Porn- she has naked Gary Busey. Enough Said.
#4) The Paper Treehouse- Margee, Martha, Marsha- take your pick.
#5) Prison Industry- Another boy to balance out the estrogen overload.
#6) Rebecca James- not really new to me, I just got around to linking my Aussie lady.

Addendum for a dumdum (i.e. ME):
#7) Nocturnal + Tendencies - tech-savvy video guy- always interesting & a little on the edge...

The rest of you know how much I adore you. Plus, I've been reading the rest of you , like, for-ever. Duh.
And, as an aside- I don't know about anyone else, but I read ALL of the blogs on my blogroll. I'd like to say I only have time now, when I'm not working, but I really read them all- all the time. I may miss a few days here & there, but I don't miss much. I am obsessive, if nothing else.
I just want you to know that my love is real- not the fake kind promised in those commercials during "Blind Date" re-runs at 1:00 in the morning- just so you know.

I am also needing of a hobby, it seems.



EmBee said...

Hey WM, thanks for the shout out. Of course now I've got all this ahgedah (sp?) regarding something interesting to say should someone take you up on your suggestion... Oh shit! What to write, what to write???

Whiskeymarie said...

No pressure. When you're stumped, just write about what you had for dinner, or shoes. Or random stories from the past that you don't remember that well in the first place, or...

Not that I'm ever tapped or anything.

Or just take a few days off.

Butrfly Garden said...

"Fuck" is an extremely useful word. So many meanings, so many tones.

Love the scar breakdown. I burned myself on the grill at the fast food place I worked once. I had now a real scar, but an imperfection that stayed very fair regardless of how dark my skin was. And it was a big, perfect 90 degree angle. I haven't thought about it in a while...I don't see it now. Huh.

Lollie said...

oooh - I want to do a scar photo essay now.

Rebecca said...

you did it! - and, being a good friend of the TRUE kind, not of the insurance salesman kind, I read it ALL.

and you blogrolled me? "sniff"

But you're not trailer trash?? But I told my husband (whose mothers' family really are all inbred, deeply religious American trailer peoples)that I'd found a trashy friend - with mafia connections.

He was very impressed - Can't I just pretend?

Nocturnal said...

Lots of good information there, I like reading about the minds behind the blogs like this.


Stacey said...

oops that was supposed to say my mom's VW.

Stacey said...

You never cease to amaze me, WM. Just when I think you can't get anymore clever...or bored you pull cool WM randomness that makes me enjoy you all the more!

But I think I could beat you on the scars. I have one on my leg from climbing on top of my mom's VM when I was about 5 and trying to slide down and getting my leg caught in between the fender and the car itself. Slice! Its ugly.

Oh and lets not talk about that nasty c-section scar.

Ooops TMI

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh! Shit! Nocturnal! You were the seventh link I was going to add.
I knew it was another boy...
I'll be adding an addendum...

Anonymous said...

Uncle-brother! You made me honk wine out of my nose with that one.

So sad, so true, the legend of the uncle-brother.........

Pope Vespadaddy

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

thank you for the fun to read post. it came in useful at work today when i needed a break and a reason to actually crack a smile. (i've discovered google reader! stick it to the man!)

Anonymous said...

Youre hot. I dont have a blog. But youre really hot.

Kelly said...

If high fiving were still cool, I would give you a double on the goat cheese...nectar of the gods.

Flenker said...

I think everyone I know that is involved with some sort of cooking/baking job has scars up and down the arm.

And I do the same with my blog links, I have so many tabs open to them it's a little ridiculous.

T said...

Hmmm. I've wondered about the boob scars, but it just isn't something one likes to ASK. ;-)

Jon said...

Wow, I'm flattered! Thanks for the link. I'll try not to let you & your demanding public down.

-R- said...

Scootch is definitely a word!

Amaya said...

I had never thought of brushing my teeth with goat cheese, but I must tell you - I think you're on to something.
I also love cereal and am considering putting goat cheese on cheerios after reading this.

LittlePea said...

Oh This had me examining all my scars.
I didn't know we weren't allowed to say wife..well you know..anymore. So now there a PC term for men who beat their wife? Is it because we're not supposed to offend them or are the beat-ees the ones who are offended? I should ask someone,huh?

I don't like peeps either. But I like saying peeps. Peeps is a good word.