Monday, July 23, 2007

Insert pickle joke here (or) my weekend: a photographic journey

I made pickles this weekend.

Seventeen jars, to be exact.

I plan on making more next weekend.

I am a woman obsessed.

I will perfect the pickle. Perfect pickles.

Round one.

Extra dilly, extra crunchy. I can't even understand the idea of "sweet" pickles. Ick.

A few jars of jalapeƱo pickles too.

At the grocery store on Friday, I spotted these.

They were positioned at kid-level, in case you were interested.

59-cent candy cigarettes.

I didn't think you could buy these anymore, so of course I bought a pack, just to be cool.

I'm going back today to see if they have any more- I'll buy whatever is left. Who knows when I'll find them again??

Me, pretending to need a light.

They look disturbingly real, and I look disturbingly moronic trying to like I actually know how to smoke.


I spent 20 minutes posing with fake cigarettes.

I need a life.

Me, channeling my inner bad girl. We'll call her "Vivian".

Vivian seems to have some sort of tic.

Vivian also appears to be chewing on her bubble-gum scented tobacco stick.

Vivian is obviously confused.

She ate the damn thing.

That Vivian, she ain't so bright, it seems.

F.Y.I.- Most definitely NOT kid-friendly "grape" flavor.

Nothing special here, just some crazy looking melon from the farmer's market. It smelled amazing- my car still smells like melon.

It was delicious.

I love you, freaky melon.

And finally, me trying to simultaneously re-create and photograph my potential audition moves for "Dancing with the stars"

This is some sort of interpretive-dance/me channeling my inner Dorothy Hamill arabesque sort of move.

I'm totally going to win.

Not pictured: frothy blender cocktails- most notably the one we made in an attempt to make room in the liquor cabinet by using up bits of booze left in bottles. Turns out our light rum/dark rum/tequila/strawberry/blueberry margarita was mmm-mmm good.

Also not pictured: Bison hot dogs and sweet corn for dinner last night. Man, those bison make a good dog.

Also also not pictured: The giant bag of kettle corn (also from farmer's market) that is pretty much gone now. Not pictured out of shame. Hateful, evil kettle corn.

The end.


Christa said...

sweet. i've been looking for candy cigarettes forever. maybe they can wean me off the real thing.

Stacey said...


And a post about birth control methods a few weeks back.

Uh-oh WM, your'e making me nervous

Whiskeymarie said...

Not. Pregnant.
Not. Pregnant.

Lollie said...

You're scaring me now...

I am in the middle of doing my weekend pictorial too.

What I really want to know is did you go to the 7-11 today with the pack of cigs tucked under the sleeve of your white T-shirt?

3carnations said...

I love pickles, but I get the feeling if I made them, they wouldn't live up to my pickle expectations.

Are you supposed to be able to smell a melon before you cut it? I always thought that was a bad sign.

Candy cigarettes...I remember having them as a kid, but what the heck kind of candy is that anyway? "Come on kids, pretend you're smoking."

Whiskeymarie said...

3carn: I make them because none I buy are crunchy or dilly enough. My pickles- I ever-so-modestly admit- are awesomely awesome.
You want to smell the melon- means it's relatively ripe.
And I know, I kind of thought candy cigarettes were banned- that's why I was so surprised to find them in this little neighborhood market.

And lol- I totally would have if I weren't wearing a tank top. Suppose I could have tucked them in my bra strap...

Rebecca said...

you don't seem like the pickle -making type of woman. But then - you are full of surprises and contradictions!

when will the pickles be ready?

Amaya said...

Very cool that you make your own dills. Do you have an enormous pantry? Or are you storing them in the newly vacant liquor cabinet?
Also, those gum ciggies are crazy-real. I must buy some to go with my flask-twinkies.
It must be said - Vivian sounds fun.

kimmyk said...

everytime i go home to see my parents i stop at this little mom and pop gas station and buy all the candy cigs they have. the girl now knows not to look at me like i'm some weirdo, but to just take the money and give me my smokes. they even have the little red "spot" at the end. oh and i get chic-o-sticks too.

good luck with that whole dancing thing. mmhmm.

H said...

Ohhh homemmade pickles. Sweet pickles are disgusting but I absolutely love dill. Perhaps someday I will learn to make pickles.

metalia said...

I feel like Vivian wears tight black jeans with spiky heels, and calls everyone "babe". She can hang out with my inner old lady, who I've named "Blanche". (I wrote about her once before; she's quite saucy.)

And now the oh-so-shocking question; what color lip gloss are you wearing? I need help, I know.

Stefanie said...

Mmmm. Kettle corn.

(That is all.) :-)

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

i bet you could sell the candy ciggies on ebay...

Whiskeymarie said...

Metalia- Same thing I wear every day- Terra Tints lip balm in "blaze"
-my favorite EVER.

Jon said...

You make smoking look so cool and sophisticated. Clearly, you're in flavor country.

Butrfly Garden said...

Wow...they aren't supposed to be selling them anymore. They look ridiculously real! I always got the sugar sticks with the red tip or the gum ones wrapped in paper that you roll around in your hand and blow through and the powder makes a cloud like smoke.

Yeah, I was obsessed with candy cigarettes. Then went on to smoke for 11 years. Coincidence? I think not.

Your pickles look yummy. And that seems so dirty to say. Are "sweet pickels" the bread and butter kind? Because I don't like them.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Your post made me feel crazy hungry, like maybe I'm pregnant?! No! I'm not pregnant! I just love pickles, I swear!

And candy cigarettes, too. Day-um, I need to find me some of those.

Sugar Kane said...

Ah, candy smokes. I was a fan of the Lion Brand. I've never see one that have an actual filter. Classy.

Great pics!

Winter said...

Man I wish I had gum masking as tobacco.

Bonanza JellyBean said...

Ah, man. I used to get those candy cigarettes all the time when I was younger. I had thought I was so cool. I may have been three sheets to retarded back then. And maybe still a little now.

Lollie said...

Did you watch Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations tonight? He was in Portland, Oregon and found a place that had a collection of 1200+ black velvet paintings. His favourite was the small but powerful portrait of Mr. T.

LittlePea said...

Viviane's hot(I say that in a non-Paris Hilton way, it's not like she's the first one to ever say that and now I feel like the phrase has been ruined for the rest of us-but that's off topic anyway)

Pickles yum. I'm also extremely jealous of your mason jar skills.

thethinker said...

I used to think I was sooooo cool with my candy cigarettes. The actual gum was kind of gross though.

-R- said...

Am I the only person who likes bread and butter pickles???