Thursday, May 7, 2009

"Pride" and "dignity" are such ugly words...

You all know Gwennie by now- my internet wife with whom I pretended to poop on things when I visited her in March. I love her, I would walk through a snowstorm naked to go to the convenience store if she needed smokes and some coke to mix with the Jack Daniel's, if she asked.

Gwen posted about an article of clothing she has, a pajama top, that she keeps around, loves and still wears despite it being tattered, worn and faded. She then asked the rest of us to post pics of clothing we either:

a) Keep around even though it's falling apart because it has sentimental value

b) Keep around because we are clinging to our sad and misspent youth

or,

c) All of the above.

Being the overachiever that I am (and by "overachiever" I mean doing as little as possible actual thinking for a blog post as I need to), I found four such items at Casa de VonPartypants. I'm sure there are even more, but it is before noon and I really don't function until I've had my lunch cocktail.

Item #1-
My sister gave me this cashmere hoodie probably 7-8 years ago, and I think I pretty much wore it every day after that. It's thick, soft (that's what SHE said!), and I could throw it on for just mucking about the house or running errands. That being said, the old girl sure has seen better days. Lately she's looking like an aging hooker- still pretty functional, but the holes are bigger now:

Item #2-
I found this shirt at a thrift store in Duluth, and kind of bought it as a joke. It has the name of my hometown on it, and it is very "sporty". I can say without a doubt that hometown pride and sports were pretty much at the bottom of my list of things I'd be interested in as me, circa 1976-1989, when I was living there. I've had this for probably close to 8 years, and at one point I thought it would be cool to cut it into a v-neck to show off my bosoms:

Item #3-
These are something that I'll probably keep forever, even though I'll likely never wear them again- my Doc Marten boots that I bought at Saint Sabrina's in 1990. As you can tell, I loved the crap out of these things. I wore them with skirts, jeans, and of course- jean shorts:

Item #4-
This one is the icing on the cake of sad, sad things I hold onto in an effort to cling to my youth. I try and I try, but I can't bring myself to throw these away, yet I wouldn't (and shouldn't) ever wear them to anything but the "Hee-Haw County Shit-flingin' Festival". I am ashamed and horrified to present these to y'all- Levi's jean shorts that started as jeans, graduated into cropped jeans, then retired as cutoffs:

And since I know how much you all love to see me dress up in retarded outfits that make me look like an ass, I decided to try the whole shebang on together for your viewing pleasure. The shorts are about a size 0.5 and I will have you know that I had to lay down to get them on and that I could not breathe the entire time I was taking this lest they explode off my bum and hurt one of the cats with the schrapnel:
Aaaaannnnddd...

You're welcome, Gwen.

Happy Thursday, my skin-tight articles of sad clothing. Happy Thursday.

XO

25 comments:

Savitra said...

Looks like all you need is a freeway off-ramp and a cardboard sign that says you're a teetotaler, good Christian person, you need a job, need some cash, will work for food,you have four starving kids, you're an out of work vet, down on your luck, homeless and you're hungry.

Second thought, skip the teetotaler bit.

Gwen said...

I have tears rolling down my face and am hyperventilating over those shorts. When I wrote this sentence, "that pair of jeans you finally had to make into cut-off shorts and now you can't get rid of the shorts even though your ass hangs out the bottom like a $2 hooker" I had NO IDEA that I was talking about you, my dear.

The picture of you in the entire outfit is my desktop background now.

Thanks for helping me celebrate my milestone. I love you more than oxygen AND monkeys.

Stacey said...

Oh MAH GAWD, that picture. Will your awesomeness never cease.

I'm with Gwen. I now how tears rollin' town my face.

This made my morning. Seriously

P.S I double dog dare you to wear it to work today

Stacey said...

Ok, what the hell did I just say. Forgive me as it's only 9:04 here and I'm not yet on my 2nd cup of caffeine.

What I meant was "I now have tears rollin down my face"

There...now I feel better.

Red said...

Oh, I wish I had the green jeans from senior year of HS that are at my folks. I could get into them ("again" rather than "still") last time I tried, but I surely wouldn't wear them in public.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh, now that was VINTAGE Whiskey Marie..you are the best!

You crack me up...you bitch. Bitch cuz your tiny little ass still fits into your 0.5 size shorts without exploding bum schrapnel!HA!

and I call you a bitch in the nicest way possible....

LegalMist said...

I'll see WM's ante and raise it: I triple dog dare you to wear it to work today!

You look fiiiine, darlin', fiiiine!

Sass said...

If there were an award for best outfit ever...I think this one may win.

I forgot my Doc Martens. Damn.

Another post, I suppose...

Fancy Schmancy said...

OMG, that was great.

*note to self, find purple Doc Martin combat boots and see if they still fit*

John said...

Hotness. : )

And you just inspired me for a new post. I, too, have a completely tattered clothing item that I'm very fond of.

Greta said...

Lol. You still look pretty.

Dr Zibbs said...

Whiskey I like the way you threw the boots to the corner and the accidently positioned themselves for a photoshoot.

They must be special.

lizgwiz said...

I wish I still had those fierce, stiletto-heeled, pointy-toed red granny boots I was so fond of in the 80s. But I THREW THEM OUT. Silly me.

You know, you could wear that outfit to a Walmart here and still look more fashionable than most of the clientele. ;)

Kim said...

I think you just performed what all the fashion sites and magazines are promoting right now - you "shopped your closet!" And look how well that worked out! I mostly save sentimental t-shirts which is a good thing because my taste in clothes in the 80's and 90's would frighten a retarded polar bear.

SkylersDad said...

Extra special awesome with a cherry on top.

Thank you so much!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Best. Outfit. Ever. I hope you wear it when you do your ciphering around the burnin' barrel.

kirby said...

"Like an aging hooker- still functional but the holes are bigger now."

I'm going to steal this line and work it into every conversation I have for the rest of the week.

WendyB said...

If you held a bag of Cheetos while wearing those shorts, everyone would mistake you for Britney Spears!

Shanster said...

Oh WhiskeyMarie, I love you. But not in a creepy stalker way...

wait.

I take that back.

I DO love you in a creepy stalker sort of way.

Cora said...

I know someone who actually dresses like that. Seriously.

This is scary.

Scarier still, it's a guy across the street who once mooned my daughter. *shudder*

The outfit looks much better on you. And thank you for not mooning my daughter yet.

(Yet?)

;-)

Stefanie said...

That is not even CLOSE to the craziest outfit you have posted on this site. It is a fine addition to the collection, however.

I have a t-shirt from a barbecue place I've never been to that says "Put some pork on your fork." It is the softest, most comfortable shirt I own, and though I do not leave the house in it, I will never get rid of it.

dguzman said...

SMOKIN' HAWT retro Whiskey! Yeah, baby!

Happy Friday!

Lisa said...

Love this! You do look great.

And now I have to go cry over the boots I tossed back in 1991.......miss... them...so....much....

Freida Bee, MD said...

I'm working on a sweater like that, had a pair of shorts just like that until I didn't fit them anymore, and my sentimental boots are ones that go up to the knees. And, I would totally wear that t-shirt. I like the alteration. The more boobs, the better.

TK said...

You actually rock that stuff! You could totally go out and water the yard or get the mail or walk the dog (cat? monkey?) in that. I just want to even up the legs, the left side is too long... ;)