Saturday, May 2, 2009

The one where I realize why it is I identify with Blanche from the "Golden Girls" so much.

True (sadly, but yes. Actually happened today) story...

Today I was talking to a student. Not a direct student of mine, mind you, but a student whom I have had much contact with and whose ADHD and overall, well...oddness I have become familiar with. I actually really like him and (ahem) appreciate his honesty...


...normally.


Student: (totally out of the blue) "Have you been getting enough sleep lately?"

Me: (caught off guard) Um...yes. Why do you ask?

Student: "Well, it's just that you have those really dark circles under your eyes. You look like you need some sleep."

Me: (thinking) ("Got to hell. I look awesome!!!!!): (In reality): "Um, yeah. My allergies are bad right now and I've been rubbing my eyes a lot..."

Student: Yeah, you look worn out. (smiles)

Me (thinking): "Hello, 38! Now kindly go and fuck yourself! Thank you!" "Yeah, I probably could use some sleep. Um, I think I'm fine now and I don't need any more help. YOU CAN GO HOME NOW.

Student: "Oh! Sure- OK, fine. See you Monday!" (smiles, leaves. Like a douchebag.)

Goddammit.

38 is the new 21, right???

RIGHT???

Whatever. Anyone seen my walker? What about my support hose? Who has that ribbon candy I like so much????????

FUCK.


(Less than THREE days until International Whiskeymarie Day!! Can you stand it?? Are you excited???!??? No, I don't give a shit either. Thank you for putting that out there. No, really- thank you. That bitch is WAAAAYYYYY too self absorbed. In fact, I saw her last week at the grocery store, sticking her tongue down that checkout guy's throat- You know! The one that looks like Jay-Z, and now she's all "look at me, I'm Beyonce...beyotches!!!"
Bitch needs some humbling, is all I'm sayin...)
(What the hell was I saying?)
(Oh yeah, Whiskeymarie Day)
(Whatever. Bitch'll be so drunk she won't notice.)
(Dress like a squirrel, who cares. Weirdos.)
.
XO

13 comments:

LegalMist said...

Nothing like a little late-night drunk commenting to get me first in line for the comment-fest. You know we are waiting with bated breath for International Whiskeymarie Day! Who wouldn't want to celebrate the birth of one of the funniest pant-less bloggers ever?

Christa said...

hey! i'm drunk commenting, too! [this means that i'm going immediately to legalmist's site and becoming a fan!]

here is what is worse than that student's comments on looking tired:

in the past month, i've talked to three people i know who have asked me if we've met. AND a woman i consider a friend forgot my name.

happy almost whiskymarieday! of to legalmist i go.

Some Guy said...

I wouldn't worry about it. Dark circles under your eyes looks distinctive, just like gray hair and shoes with velcro instead of laces.

Greta said...

No...but I HAVE seen your girdle, Whiskeymarie. And you don't even want to know what they've done to it.

SkylersDad said...

Check your TV lineup for Matlock and Murder she Wrote recently?

Personally, I always enjoy "Pimp your Walker"

John said...

I hear tell that 38 is the most doable age for the female species. 38, and 39-53. Not to mention, you don't have to worry about the occasional wildcat "equipment" strike, all with their picketing signs like, "fuck you and your libido," "I'm too tired," and "I ain't goin' there tonight, go to sleep."

The BEST years are ahead of you Whiskeymarie. And I TOTALLY care about IWD. : )

John said...

RE: 38 is the new 21, right???..."No, but everyone knows that 40 is the new 30, so in two more years, you get your 10-year rebate! See? There is a huge bright side to all this. : )

Jacquie said...

Great, John. I'm 54. Not doable anymore, my ass.

John said...

Sorry Jacquie (and anyone else over 53), no offense intended. It's a moving target. And what the hell do I know anyway.

Okay, I am now officially done commenting on this post. But I'll be back on IWD. : )

MtnMama said...

Okay, my tears of laughter have been interupted by confusion... (not an unusual occurance, but I digress)
I was hoping 50 was the new 30, as I am 47. I was hoping my hotness would have a longer shelf-life, I guess. Now I see that not only is THAT theory blown out of the water, but that it expires completely in only five more years.
Now my tears are no longer of joy, but happy birthday anyway, WM! love you

Gwen said...

Fantastic new banner. I can't wait for IWD! Just a matter of hours now . . .

i am playing outside said...

i'm very excited!

Failcooks said...

I have that conversation no less than once per month. You got me beat, gorgeous.