Friday, April 11, 2008

Dry, two olives please. Fish on the side.



My book report of the 1965 Esquire Party Book (Illustrated by Seymour Chwast) for 35th grade English class, by Whiskeymarie VonPartypants:

Everyone in 1965 was drunk and they ate a lot of mayonnaise.

The end.


If, for some reason, you're interested in learning more than my comprehensive report provided about "throwin' a par-tay old-skool style", read on...







The party experts from 1965 land suggest packing beer for a breakfast picnic, as "it will separate the men from the boys all right."
Pictured as thus:


And they recommend taking your martinis to go, it seems. Mind the bumps, Speed Racer!



And even the 1965 family pets knew how to fix a mean cocktail, though they seem none too pleased about it.



Funny. I figured bulldogs as Scotch drinkers.


Esquire also wants you to be well prepared (pg. 92): "PLENTY OF CIGARETTES: Figure 3 per guest per hour, scattered about in small, sturdy containers in many places."

And, if you find you have time after your 4 pre-dinner soirée martinis, they recommend getting the dead fish for dinner drunk as well.






Happy Friday, my little codfishes marinated in tequila and served in an ashtray.
Happy Friday.

XO

26 comments:

Shannon Erin said...

Can you throw one of these parties and invite me? Please.

McGone said...

Beer and milk for breakfast. They were so extravagant back then... I only do one or the other.





OK, just the beer.

Whiskeymarie said...

Hey Mcgone- Speaking of Esquire...Check out this month's issue (the one with Jessica Simpson-gag- on the cover). You will find a picture in there that will make your day. But you have to look for it- I'm not telling you what it is.

Fran said...

Beer for breakfast? I usually have it before breakfast. A can of Bud, a decent burp and a then I am ready for some grub!

punchlinewalking said...

Beer for breakfast seems pretty normal- its the box of Yummy that I'm confused about!

Also, if I could find a dog that would fix me a drink, I might reconsider my stance on pets.

Happy weekend!

Stacey said...

Whoa, check out the new WM digs. Fancy. Did you do this all yourself ?

It sho is purty , except the blog roll and such on the right is throwing me off. I'm left handed and I think its that whole left brain right brain thing. Or it could just be that I'm challenged.
Who knows...

Enjoy your weekend. I'm off to meet a friend for drinks . YAY!!

Ghost Dansing said...

these are really kewl purple pictures Whiskeymarie....and i like how you modified your blog too.....

you made me remember the fish head song

Whiskeymarie said...

fran- beer. It's what's for breakfast.

punchline- there's our million-dollar idea. We'll become dog breeders that train the dogs in the fine art of bartending.

Other WM- Yeah, I think I'm happy with this for a while. I needed something a little more minimalist. The links on the right are throwing me off too- maybe I'll see if I can change that...

gdansing- As usual, you pulled one out that I haven't seen/heard in forever. I saw that video a million years ago, and I am ALWAYS singing the "fish heads" song to myself. Thanks!

Ben said...

Now that is a martini and a half.

TGIF WM.

Cheers

Gwen said...

The unmarked box between the eggs and the "pix" (whatever the hell THAT is!), the one with the diagonal stripes? That's where they kept their weed.

Bulldog is scary.

Gwen said...

It just came to me that the bulldog looks like Col. Klink from Hogan's Heroes. It's got to be the monocle.

Landis said...

ok, no, really.

i want to go to THAT party.

just for the fish.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I love the crazy old party and entertaining advice from the past. I love it almost as much as I love your new profile pic.

Distributorcap said...

1965 i remember it well....

i think my parents drank through the NYC blackout

Mathman6293 said...

I guess we don't know how to party anymore. Plus where is my 3 martini lunch. The lunch lady is no help at all.

Katrin said...

First off- Beer for breakfast? It's healthy. It's what we call, in German a "Reparier-Bier" = repair beer (rhymes in German.) Gets you up in no time!
Secondly- my daddy always told me that fish needs to swim. Preferrably in a white wine lake in your tummy.
P.S. Sweet new look, lady! ;)

CDP said...

Very nice new look!

McGone said...

You mean aside from the Jessica Simpson wet-shirt pictures? Kidding - I was actually fixated on those kick ass rock posters on pg. 38 (and Tina Fey on pg. 32). And have you made yourself a Whiskeyburger (pg. 44) yet?

What did I miss?

I love having an internet Esquire buddy. (And one who has a cool new avatar, by the way)

Whiskeymarie said...

Sorry mcgone- I meant Vanity Fair p.207.

I was reading them both. Oops.

But the Tina Fey pic is awesome.

Utah Savage said...

Granny's back. My mother taught me to smoke and mix cocktails when I was five. I shit you not. It was 1949. I have photos. Though due to the fact that I am now certified and have to take psychoactive drugs have had to give up tippling, but I do still keep a well stocked bar and can mix the classics with good cheer for friends. I think a home made latte and a joint is a quite civilized breakfast of champions.

McGone said...

Ah yes, the leggy retro-styled awesomeness of the amazing Kristen Bell. So very good..

L Sass said...

This looks like a swell party. Three cigarettes per hour, though? That is an alarming pace. All partiers from 1965 must be dead of lung cancer by now.

dguzman said...

I Sass hit it--imagine the fog you'd have to navigate through just to make it to the bar or the fondue pot.

Iheartfashion said...

This is fantastic! Separate the men from the boys, indeed! And I LOVE the illustrations.

Bill Hipps said...

Speaking of olives...I thought of you when my wife sent me this:
http://thegreenespot.blogspot.com/

180|360 said...

This is so funny! I love it!!!!