Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Breakin' 2: electric booger-boo.


When little fluffy bunnies frolic amongst the tulips, and you can almost smell the love in the air.


When you feel as if a colony of breakdancing ants has taken up residence in your nasal cavity and they are choosing today to "throw it down old-skool style while getting their pop-n'-lock on".

Damn allergies.

I've had them as long as I can remember- from when I was a sniffly, red-nosed eight year-old using her mitten as a kleenex- to now, when I am a sniffly 36 year-old using only the finest tissues (or occasionally a sleeve, or toilet paper, or paper towels, or mittens, or dish towels) to blot the snot.

April and May are the worst for me- this morning my regimen consisted of prescription eye drops to help me NOT look like I suffer from the blinking portion of Tourette's and/or a 19 year-old stoner, prescription nose spray that reduces my sense of smell to such a level that the only things that even blip on the radar are the interiors of sewage treatment facilities and rotting corpses, and the now over-the-counter drug Zyrtec, which has caused me to develop a minor- yet annoying- case of narcolepsy.

I also supplement with the occasional dose of Visene to get the red out, and Benadryl, which occasionally induces what I like to call "minor comas".
Oh, and I'm on a strict regimen of the tried and true prescription called "vodka"- just for fun.

I've got red eyes, a red & flaky nose, and I occasionally launch into sneezing bouts that cause all animals within a mile radius to start howling.

Damn if I don't feel sexy.

On a related note:

My weekend was good. Busy, lots of eating out, lovely houseguests that clean up after themselves, quality cat time and, oh yeah, the Kids in the Hall- LIVE!!!

To prove I was there:

No, I totally agree. My picture-taking-at-a-live-show skills suck. I had a martini and a vodka tonic in me at this point, cut me some slack.

But the show was awesome, I ran into a ton of people I know, and I wish the KITH would just get back together and have another TV show already. Dammit.

Seeing them reminded me of one of their skits, which I constantly quote because I'm totally not a geek. And, it seems strangely appropriate given my condition today and how my eyes feel.

Take three minutes and enjoy:

Happy Tuesday, my crusty yet squishy little nuggets of eye boogers. Happy Tuesday.


3carnations said...

Your eye color is very similar to my son's - Green with that ring of brown around the pupil. Very unique. :)

Perfectly Shelly said...

Damn....Zyrtec is a BITCH (I just wanted to use 2 curse words in the same sentence). I took it about a month ago, and NEVER AGAIN.

I have year round allergies, so I annoy my coworkers on a regular basis with snotty nose blowing and sneezing. My nose is perpetually red and flaky....so I totally get where you are coming from.

Don't drive....the minute you sit down after taking Zyrtec, you'll fall asleep......

Good luck!

John said...

Poor baby. I'm fortunate that I'm not an allergy sufferer, but I can definitely relate on the sinus condition. Without Afrin, I would keel over from suffocation in about 90 seconds. I seriously need a roto-rooter sinus job (not through any fault of my own from my misguided youthful activities you understand) but would rather only half taste my dinner and live with Afrin.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Get well soon you slice of Minnesota wackiness you.

McGone said...

My college TV watching were pretty much equally spent between the KITH and MST3K. Apparently I just loved anything I could abbreviate, and that soon led to my blog The IHoB.

Unfortunately I will miss them when they are in Chicago, it pains me to say.

McGone said...

That was supposed to be "My college TV watching time was..."

Pardon the retardation (caused by fluoridation).

Christy said...

Yeah, allergies SUCK! Looks like you had a kick-ass weekend though!

CDP said...

Poor girl. My 3yo has wicked allergies; he's on Zyrtec and sometimes needs a supplemental dose of Benadryl just so he won't scratch out his own eyes.

First Martin Short, now KITH. Lucky!

dguzman said...

I'm suffering with you, for the first time in my life. I'm told I've "developed" the allergies after living here for a few years. Thanks, PA! I can't even take 1 benadryl without falling asleep almost instantly, and the generic "non-drowsy" shit is not that much better. Fell asleep yesterday in a meeting with my boss. Just me and my boss. And I was asleep.

Thanks again, PA.

Lollie said...

Just make sure you don't put the Visene in your drink and the Vodka in your eyes. Visene + stomach = diarrhea, Vodka + eyes = well, impaired vision? Oh, and an increased burning sensation, I bet.

Devilham said...

You get ants?!?! Where do I get breakdancing ants!? I got stuck with methed up hornets in my sinus'. Seriously, I feel your pain, I suffer from allergies year round, it's a drag.

Anonymous said...

Hope you feel better soon. Have you tried a neti pot? Saw Dr Oz talking about it and told a friend with bad sinsues. She said it helped. Here is info from WEBMD if you're interested:


Ben said...

Allergeeze... sure sure. ;)

No fun at all actually, same deal here in Cali.


gorillabuns said...

my, my, my, don't you have a perfectly coifed brow.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Dear WM,

Please let me know how the vodka works for you. I'd try anything at this point- even gin.



Fran said...

oh, eyes, eyes and eyes. Sorry about that. You could always go all senior living and get the cataract glasses.

And the Kids in the Hall - very fun. And not a bad photo for alcohol influenced!

Jenni said...

We've got tickets to see KITH on the 30th. can.not.WAIT! This'll be the third time I've seen them live, and just ... *sigh*

L Sass said...

Damn you, allergies!!

I have a bunch of friends going / have gone to Kids in the Hall and I am JEALOUS.

Winter said...

So jealous!

kirby said...

I'm with you. KITH shouldn't go on denying the world their super greatness.

Candy said...

I have "allergies" based on how crappy I feel, but the allergy testing all came back negative for airborne stuff. So it's all in my head...get it!

Anyway...I'm miserable this time of year too, and in the fall as well. And sometimes in summer. Oh, and winters are a bitch.

I've tried the Astelin nose spray and all it does is turn previously clear runny snot into ropes of green shit. I prefer to go it alone.

diatribes and dish said...

I sneezed yesterday at work, and didn't realize for like 2 hours that I had a large snot blob on my pants. Gotta love the allergies. Hope your meds work.

punchlinewalking said...

I'm squishing your head...