It happened now- two years ago,
When you and I first met.
I picked you out, gave you a name,
And hoped the finest, I would get.
At first you hurt, it felt so bad
I questioned your love for me.
That first day out, you crushed my soul
You made me crampy and weepy.
As time went on, our bond grew strong
You did your job so true.
I loved the barren, rocky wasteland
That had now replaced my womb.
Happiness, sweet blissful joy,
No menses did I have to dread.
No Tampax, no Stayfree,
Not even the scary Instead.
But your love grew fickle,
Your performance really blew.
Those fucking cramps that you gave me
Made me really hate you.
What to do, what to do?
I suppose I could take up smack.
That sure would ease the awful pain
And everyone knows "crack is wack."
I gave it some thought,
An ultrasound gave me reason.
This affair of ours has to end,
Tis' the time, tis' the season.
So with a heavy heart and a tear
I bid you adieu.
You have been ripped out of my cervix,
A little pill has replaced you.