It happened now- two years ago,
When you and I first met.
I picked you out, gave you a name,
And hoped the finest, I would get.
At first you hurt, it felt so bad
I questioned your love for me.
That first day out, you crushed my soul
You made me crampy and weepy.
As time went on, our bond grew strong
You did your job so true.
I loved the barren, rocky wasteland
That had now replaced my womb.
Happiness, sweet blissful joy,
No menses did I have to dread.
No Tampax, no Stayfree,
Not even the scary Instead.
But your love grew fickle,
Your performance really blew.
Those fucking cramps that you gave me
Made me really hate you.
What to do, what to do?
I suppose I could take up smack.
That sure would ease the awful pain
And everyone knows "crack is wack."
I gave it some thought,
An ultrasound gave me reason.
This affair of ours has to end,
Tis' the time, tis' the season.
So with a heavy heart and a tear
I bid you adieu.
You have been ripped out of my cervix,
A little pill has replaced you.
I've heard IUDs give you really bad cramps, especially if you've never had kids. I guess this little poem said it all.
Sniffle...that was just beautiful.
So touching. *tear*
OK, I contributed to yesterday's post about supermodels on magazine covers, but I'm going to sit this one out, thank you very much.
Does anyone remember the Dalcon Shield? Oh yeah. I think I got some money for that one, but not enough to ever compensate for the pain/anguish/etc. Being a woman sucks sometimes. But most of the time I really like it.
h- You heard right.
suze & abbs- *sniffle* thank you!
McGone- You contributed by default. Ha!
tgret's mom- I actually DO remember hearing about that growing up. I think my aunt had one.
I like being a gal too, most of the time.
I'm so sad for you. I, too, have one and I love not having to think about my vagina, EVER.
What was his name? I want to remember him in my prayers.
You are a true romantic.
I have only heard of it...and reading your post, I'm sure to stay out of it! lol
May he rest in peace an may the pill not make you sick. Best birth control I ever got was when I got my husband neutered! (I'm just sayin')
reason #465 why I like being a guy - I have no idea what those utensils pictured are or do, and I don't have to/want to know. That duckbill-looking thing is especially scary.
after reading that gorgeous little piece of poetry, i feel your pain. i now want to go home, curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth until i fall asleep.
I never even considered an IUD, but now that I know they give you terrible cramps, count me in!
I think a chorus of 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot' is now in order...
I looked into getting one but my insurance doesn't cover removal if something goes wrong between insertion (gross) and its 2 year expiration. The thought of having something stuck in my uterus scared me out of it. Plus my doc said if my cervix had never dilated then it might be really painful.
Instead I decided to be celibate. Ha! j/k. I'm on the pill. Have been for 15 years. It does the job.
Ugh, I'm eating leftover chicken for lunch and just ate around the wishbone. I need to go throw up now...
He'll never call. He'll never write.
Noooooooooooo! I'm past my first year and hopefully will make it to my five year expiry date.
So, so very sad. RIP Mirena.
Mirena and I have never been friends. But I believe you already know that story.
Oh sweet tiny jeebus, that was priceless.
Aaach, evil duck lips! Get them away from me!
That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read, as a former iud owner. As has Stacie, I have hit the promised land (with the kids behind me) of duh duh duuuh the vasectomy.
I had to Google IUD. Always fascinating for a gay boy to hear about the nether regions of the female specimen.
on the other hand, now you can period blog.
does this mean we need to create poetry for condoms?
I too had to Google that, damn and I thought hockey players had it rough.
Chin up WM, take care.
I think it's funny that your IUD is a boy :o)
m- it's no accident.
Best. Poem. Ever. Take heart--the pill isn't SO bad!
What a lovely tribute. I'm sorry you've parted ways, but I'm sure better days are ahead.
That was excellent. Only a true writer could portray such emotion.
yeah they can give you bad cramps even if you have had kids...
lovely poem. wish i'd written an ode to mine when we parted ways.
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