Tuesday, August 7, 2007

When social retardation meets lack of motivation

Is it so wrong that I don't want to go to my neighborhood's "National Night Out" Block party?

I really don't. I just don't feel like it. I'm not one of those "people". You know- the kind of people who excel at everyday conversations and not being an ass.
We didn't go last year either.
I want to move in a few years anyways, so it's not like we'll be neighbors for much longer if I have my way.

Do I have to go? Is it my duty as the neighborhood shrew? Who will keep an eye on the local hooligans if I am otherwise occupied? Before we know it, they'll have ransacked our homes, orchestrated major drug deals and LITTERED. Someone has to keep on top of these things, you know. I don't see anyone else holding vigil in their front porch, cellphone in hand- 9, 1...just give me a reason to dial the other one, you hoodlums. I dare you.

Am I a bad neighbor if I don't go? Do my neighbors hate me? Or, are they just jealous of my surrealist art skillz as interpreted through gardening and my seemingly entire lack of modesty?


Crappedy, crap crap. What to do...

Make a cold salad, have a glass of wine and boldly head over, or- shut all the blinds, tape off the house with "caution" tape and pretend we're quarantined with Avian Flu?

Dammit. I hate decisions.

20 comments:

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

hmmm...i am with you on this dilemma. i'm trying to make the same decision myself. while i am friendly enough to say hi occasionally, i have no desire to get to know my neighbors or make them my friends. call me anti-social, but i really don't want to waste my precious evening hours making small talk with people i have nothing in common with but a street name.

maybe i'll do a rain dance.

kimmyk said...

I say go for an appearance and when no one is looking go home. Five minutes tops.

I'd fake an illness though if it were me cause I don't do parties with people.

But we're talking about you and your life and I say go for it!

T said...

Advice from your SIL, the quasi-Professional Schmoozer:

Have a glass of wine BEFORE you go. Make a brief appearance, have some munchies, and head back down the block.

Often when I'm dreading an event, I actually end up having a good time.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Stand in your yard wearing a ratty old bathrobe and shout rude things at them. My neighbors love it when I do that.

Lollie said...

We have a safe word, meaning, either party can say it in conversation and it means immediate retreat. My Guy and I use the word "Tulipan." As in, "Excuse me for interrupting, but did you feed Tulipan today?" Or, after being asked by my Chatty Cathy music teacher which school My Guy went to, he replied, "The University of Tulipan." Works every time.

Stacey said...

besides if it really sucks ass you can always make a quick getaway, right ?

Stacey said...

Yes, have a glass of wine or maybe even a shot and head your little heiney over there in the interest of neighborly love.
Hell, you might even get in on some of the good soap opera like gossip like who's cheating on who, who cooks in the buff ...You never know.

Sandy said...

Make an appearance. Know who your neighbors are.

They could have power tools you want to borrow.

H said...

I didn't even know there was such a thing as "National Night Out" until we went to visit my boyfriend's grandma on Sunday and she had an invitation. So I Wikpiedia'd it and now I am feeling a little bit upset that I did not get invited to any National Night Out parties. If they're having one in our neighborhood they are excluding me and my roommate, the bastards.

Joe said...

Fuck 'em.

Stay home and get drunk.

Cherann said...

I think you should make Jello shots from the link below...Do about 6 consecutive Jello shots and head on over to the block party with the Jello shots in tow.

Who can resist a Jello shot? Just make sure you don't contribute to the delinquincy of a minor.

http://www.myscienceproject.org/j-shot.html

abbersnail said...

I am the Queen of Non-Appearances. I hate going to parties. Ironically, I always have a better time if I go. AND I feel proud of myself for being social. So I agree with the above: drink a glass of wine, and then make a short appearance. For what it's worth, I think you rock.

Butrfly Garden said...

Wow, such good advice all around! Well, you know your title could be the title of my biography. And me? Well, I flat out refused to ride with my neighbor to the store. Aaaaand...five minutes after I bitched about another one having a bonfire and not inviting us, TM came in and said, "Hey, that neighbor invited us over, there's a bunch of people there...wanna go?" I got out the deck of cards.

My name is Amy and I am a hermit.

(But I would be telling myself the whole time that I should just go make an appearance because...what could it hurt?)

Nature Girl said...

I never go to these things either. IMHO, if it was "advertised" in any way or common knowledge, then all the crooks know everyone's at the party and they come ransack the house. No thanks. Plus, I'm just not big on meeting the neighbors..I say stay home and drink wine. The caution tape would just add to the fun and mystique..
Stacie

Christa said...

i like to say i'm gonna go, and not go. that's always the best option. then no one pressures you to go, because they think you're going. and later when they ask why you weren't there, you just say: oh. yeah. that.

as for my getaway code, ala lollie: "i think i should have worn my other shoes."

Failcooks said...

I didn't go either lady. Fuck 'em.

metalia said...

So did you go? ;)

feisty said...

you should've went to the block party with a T-shirt on that says "I'm BLogging This"

Stacy said...

I arrived home last night to find my whole block cordoned off with yellow tape, so I couldn't park my car near my house. Blech. There were kids running everywhere, screeching. I let myself into the back of the house, made dinner and had a lovely black bean quesadilla on the patio.

Some time later, my landlord came out for a smoke and asked me if I made an appearance. I said baldly that I was hiding. She laughed and said she was doing the same thing.

So there. Another two votes for hiding. ;)

Stefanie said...

I'm totally behind on your blog, obviously. My block never even has a block party. I'm sort of annoyed that we don't have one, but if we did, I'm sure I'd have the same dilemma as you re: going. I'd much rather just avoid most of my neighbors, like normal people.