Thursday, August 23, 2007

Hiatus, Schmiatus

Well, I made it to Friday. I should have figured out by now that if I say it out loud (or put it out here), I fill find a way to make it not happen. It's my inner karma's way of fucking with me.

Whatever. I'm o.k. with my shortcomings.


Kids, it's been a full week. Classes started, and from the looks of things, it's gonna be a tough one. Long, hard and possibly sweaty, and not in a good way (wink wink, nudge nudge.)
Preeeeety sure I'll have stories to tell soon. Maybe I could start with the one about the guy who showed up two hours late the first day and not at all the second.
Kids these days- sheesh.

Honey, go in the nightstand and get mommy her "happy pills". No no, not the Aspirin- I NEED the little pink ones. There you go sweetie. Bring them here...quicker...there you go! Good girl!
Mmmm...happy pills. Go outside and play now honey, mommy needs "quiet time".


Not one to leave things undone (yeah, that's me, a real follow-through sort of gal), I have crawled out from the muck to do my meme like a good little blogger should.

Rebel Boxer tagged me for a "four" meme for you for which you may peruse for fun, for now.

And up, up and away we go-

Four jobs I've had or currently have in my life: (I'll try to give a variety here as I have had a LOT of jobs in my life. I'll leave out the ones involving me using an alias or exchanging bodily fluids of any sort)

1) Hotel maid in Duluth (age 19-ish): Worst. Job. Ever. Though, if there was unopened booze it went home with me, you can be sure of that. Surprisingly enough, I never had any really horrifying stories to tell from this one. Just that the Head Housekeeper was possibly the biggest bitch I ever met in my life. I would stay late to help out on a regular basis, and that c**t would find something to bitch at me about. Evil, rotten, miserable woman.

2) Bowling-alley waitress (19-ish, again- I very often worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time): This job was exactly what you think it is. I served whiskey cokes to bowling dudes and usually took home a sweet $20 in tips. Asshats.

3) Cake decorator: I loved this job, but I started getting carpal tunnel from all the squeezing (you think my former career as a professional hand-job artist would have prepared me for this one. My name was "Magic fingers"). Plus, my right arm started getting noticeably larger than my left, which I was not happy with. Plus, I got tired of wasting my talent making things like this- even though the pay rocked.

4) culinary Arts Instructor: Best. Job. Ever. Well, except for professional lottery winner- and I'm working on that one.

Four countries I have visited:

1) Oh! Canada!
2) Panama
3) Bahamas
4) Does Wisconsin count? How about North Dakota? California?
Europe is coming soon- I promise!

Four Places I'd rather be right now:

1) Home, just mucking around doing whatever. I love home.

2) Hanging with my girls, gossiping and eating and drinking wine

3)Travelling with my Mr. He's a pretty good traveller- he'll go anywhere I tell him to and I like that.

4) Cashing in my winning powerball ticket.

Four Foods I like to eat: (My love of edibles is well documented by now)

1) Much like Mr. Boxer, homemade mac & chz. Anytime, as long as I make it. Mine rocks.

2) Anything on a good antipasti plate, especially the pork products and olives.

3) Good sushi

4) My foot (you'd think so anyways, it's in my mouth so often)

Four personal heroes, past or present:

1) Mom.

2) My Grandpa Herman, a.k.a. "Joe" - he was German, came to the U.S. for opportunity, faught for our side in WW2 with honors, and then was thrown in a hush-hush internment camp in New York for 9 months. He never let it get him down, but he made it his mission to fight the government every chance he had. He was a prolific letter-writer and was never afraid of the good fight. The family joke was that you couldn't say the two "R" words to him at any family function: Republican and Reagan. Man, I miss him.

3) Great writers, past and present: Camus, Kazantzakis, Kawabata, Mishima, A.M. Homes, Joan Dideon, Jeanette Winterson, Burroughs (both), and so on...

4) Beyond that, I'm not much of a "hero" person. I think many of us have great potential, and I like to think we all are our own heroes, in a way. Yes, gross- I know.

Four books you have just read or are currently reading:

1) We tell ourselves stories in order to live, Joan Dideon (HUGE collection, currently reading and loving)

2) Sexing the Cherry, Jeanette Winterson (will re-read soon)

3) Holidays on Ice, David Sedaris (I read this faithfully every Xmas- it never fails to make me laugh out loud)

4) Vindication, Frances Sherwood (a great pseudo-autobiography. Brilliant.)

Only four? That's like asking me to pick only four pairs of shoes I love, or limiting me to four glasses of wine! What are you- Communists?

This one's mine- Four kinds of people that have pissed me off today:

1) The slow, weaving walker. I'm in a hurry and I have a big cart that I need to push around your weaving, dilly-dallying ass. Move it!

2) The speeding, non-signaler. Yes, I'm sure your time is more valuable than anyone else's. Please! Take my life in your hands and just drive wherever, whenever. You rule the road, douche. I hope you get herpes this weekend.

3) Slow talkers. Again, can't you see I'm in a hurry? Cut to the chase or just stop. Please. I can't listen to you for even a second more without imagining how many different ways I can slap you.

4) People who bitch about everything. Hey! Wait a minute...

People who don't piss me off:

#1) All of you, my purring newborn kittens.

Happy Friday, and forgive any typos as I have no time to proof this. I'm at work and really should be, you know...working.

Have one for me at happy hour, my sweets.


Stacey said...

Can you warn me before you write about your former life as a hand job artist ?

I just want to alert the person sitting across from me that they may be the victim of a vicious water spray when I launch in to my fit of laughter.

Oh and I sooo heart homemade mac n cheese. My dad used to make the best. Umm instead of a postcard can you just send me some of your mac n cheese next time.
Great thanks!

Nature Girl said...

Oh now this cracked my right the heck up!

I can never take a proper hiatus either....can't keep my mouth shut that long. :)

that homemade mac and cheese sounds delish...all we ever have around here is easy mac, I never did learn to make proper mac and cheese..

beret said...

I was a hotel maid in Duluth when I was 19 too! The head "housekeeper" (my boss) was a major bitch as well. I wonder if it was the same lady? She was on a MAJOR power trip. It was at the Holiday Inn downtown in the "Holiday Center". Of course I'm 34 now so this was many many moons ago. I bet she's still there though...

Flenker said...

thanks for reminding me that it's pretty awesome that I don't have to go to classes anymore! sweet

also, I'm sorry to tell you, but the winning Powerball ticket is in my hands. Or will be soon, once I go buy one. Maybe if you're nice I'll share the wealth. I doubt it, though, I can be a jerk.

domboy said...

I spent a lot of today with Yukio Mishima ("Spring Snow") while riding the train into China. There was a point where the whole world slipped from under me. Goodgoddamn.

Whiskeymarie said...

Other WM- If I knew when this stuff was going to come out of me, I'd warn you but I don't. I just type whatever the squirrels and monkeys in my brain tell me to.

Stacie- I'll post the recipe soon. It's actually pretty easy, which maybe makes up for the horrific fat content in it. Maybe.

Beret- Days Inn by the mall for me, maybe all the head housekeepers in Duluth are bitches. Maybe it's in their job description or something.

F- How would you feel if I told you I won SEVEN WHOLE DOLLARS in Wednesdays powerball? Huh? I'm convinced that was karma warming me up for the big one (fingers crossed...)

domboy- I loved "Spring Snow". Mishima's writing seems so perfectly, efficiently observant and introspective. I haven't read him in a while. I will need to be conducting a re-read soon- a refresher of sorts.

Jon said...

Your magic fingers make me laugh. Just like old times.

Lollie said...

Gee, I would have liked to have know Grandpa Joe the German Herman.

Butrfly Garden said...

Your grocery store thing cracked me up. There were these two older teens walked reeeeeeeaaaallly slowly down the main aisle at wal-mart last week when I stopped to pick some stuff up for dinner. They took up the whole width of the aisle and seemed to walk even slower when they realized I wanted to get by. So I followed them with my cart about two inches from their backs. The girl stops dead and my cart ran into her heels. "What the fuck???" She yelled really loud. "Honey, you stopped dead in front of me, there was nothing I could do, I had no time to stop." "You didn't have to fucking hit me, bitch." "You don't have to hang out at wal-mart, either, do you, LOSERS?"

I fucking hate wal-mart. (And all the people in it.)

Cherann said...

You know the culinary arts?!?! Do you have a really yummy recipe for a great non-chocolate cake?

PS. I would have to say that California counts because there's no other place like it...