Monday, August 27, 2007
A Public Service Announcement, brought to you by the Whiskeymarie Von Partypants Committee for Abolishing Idiotic Workout Ideas
We here at the WVPCAIWI want to urge you today to think before attempting any strenuous workout that may result in grievous bodily harm.
If you have led a sedentary lifestyle for greater than one week, if you have consumed carbohydrates in excess of 50% of your body weight in one day, and if you have consumed the other 50% in wine...
we implore you to think before jumping on a newly purchased piece of exercise equipment- even if it is a cool new elliptical machine that you swear makes you thinner just looking at it.
Consult with a physician before attempting warp speed on said machine as injuries that may be inflicted may include any of the following:
And in very rare cases some people have reported intense shame and self-loathing due to disproportionate sweating in relation to actual time spent on the equipment in question.
We here at the WVPCAIWI would like you to reconsider any delusions of grandeur you may be experiencing with the purchase of workout equipment. You will not look like a Victoria's Secret model in one week. Studies have shown that results like that take 2 weeks, minimum.
We urge you to exercise responsibly, set only mildly delusional goals, and follow a diet rich in water and egg whites for optimal results.
Your attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.
-Sweativa DeJiggleputz, Chairman, WVPCAIWI