Friday, August 17, 2007

dive, hive, jive...what else rhymes with five?

1) I am unable to participate in this today. My heart is officially broken and I hate myself for it. Lots of boring reasons why I can't, but there you go. I am aware that I am missing out on what would probably be the single most awesome event in the history of all things awesome. I am aware that not many chances come along for a lady like myself to dress up like the King and run down a downtown Minneapolis street. I am aware that I could easily fill a week's worth of blogs with tales from the event. I am aware of how lame I am.
I am aware.
I'm crying a King sized tear as we speak.


2) Candy review: Good, not great. Mine was kind of grainy, but that may have been from melting in my husband's car then being put in the fridge so I could eat it. Good banana flavor, nice with the peanut butter, really really sweet. Was good with Sauvignon Blanc.
Overall, C+.



3) When I was waiting for a prescription to be filled yesterday I was watching a couple sitting near me. I was thinking to myself, "He's much cuter than her- you don't see that very often. I wonder what's wrong with him." I sat there a little longer, waiting. Finally they called his girlfriend's name and she went up to the window to pay for her prescription.
He proceeded to scratch his head, pick something off of his scalp, inspect it for a minute, then...
(wait for it, wait for it...)
EAT IT.
Guess we know who the winner is in that relationship.


4) I had the full-on-have-no-modesty skin cancer check yesterday that I waited over FOUR MONTHS for. Best part was, I even waited a little longer so I could have a female doctor. Yet, when I finally got to my appointment that I waited FOUR MONTHS for, I was informed that not one, but TWO youngish, cute-ish MALE doctors would be inspecting every inch of me under fluorescent lights. Which- though it sounds like the plot line of one of your better-quality pornos- is not as sexy as it sounds. Horrifying, to say the least. Almost as horrifying as the time I got poison oak on my ass (don't ask- it involved my youth and a rave on the beach) and had two VERY cute young doctors looking VERY closely at my bum saying things like, "Wow, I've never seen anything like this before." Nonstop fun, my life is.
Sorry doctor boys, had I known that we had a date scheduled, I would have done some groundskeeping, if you know what I mean (wink wink).


5) I'm going to this tonight. I'm so excited about it that I may have to wear a diaper.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Michael Cera is so cute. I want to cover him in sprinkles, roll him in powdered sugar drizzle him in chocolate and eat him up like a doughnut.
I'm counting on this to make up for missing the running of the Elvises.


That's it for now, folks.



Happy Friday my little chocolate-glazed cake doughnuts!
XO

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Number 3 made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Thanks for the imagery.

abbersnail said...

Christ on a cracker! He ATE IT????

FOR THE LOVE! That is equal parts revolting and hilarious.

Also, please post a movie review. That's on my list of things I want to see...

McGone said...

Michael Cera is already a comic genius at his age. He would have stolen "Arrested Development" if it wasn't for the fact that everyone else on that show were also geniuses.

I have no fantasy involving him and sprinkles, however. I'd probably just shake his hand.

Butrfly Garden said...

1) I had no idea. I wish I would have at least been able to WATCH it!
2) I was at SuperAmerica and they were .89 a piece or 2/$1. Well, of course I'd HAVE to get the .11 one if I was going to pay full price for the first anyway. But then I would have had four pb cups to eat and my behind (and thighs) would be the ones to suffer for that. So my mouth got no Peanut Butter Banana Cups. With only a C+, I don't feel like I'm missing out too much.
3) DIS.GUS.TING.
4)Sounds like an absolute BLAST. Gosh, that makes me want to call up the derm and get in right away! (or in four months). Especially with the addition of the strange light.
5) He is absolutely adorable. Arrested Development is one of the greatest shows EVER. (was)
6) I love when people number thier randomness - it's much easier on my ADD to comment on everything.

Lollie said...

In light of you missing your Elvis fix tonight, I did up a wee Tribute of my own on the Follies...apologies, there will be no peanut butter cups at the end of the show.

Lollie said...

Oh, and live, I've, strive, drive, alive and wives (a bit of a stretch I know) rhyme with 5. Is this for your poetry blog?

Lollie said...

And Smive, which is the crap the dude ate of his head. *spine chill*

lizgwiz said...

Michael Cera is absolutely adorable. I'm torn between wanting to adopt him and wondering where the hell the boys like him were when I was a young lass.

I've been thinking I need to do one of those full body mole check things, but you're really not helping my enthusiasm for the prospect. ;)

gorillabuns said...

i'm guessing he was part monkey underneath his shirt, right?

ps said...

you missed a great run, wm. maybe i'll catch you next year.

thethinker said...

Whenever my candy bars melt, I stick them in the freezer for later but they NEVER ever taste like they should.

Eww... poor girl. She should get out of that relationship.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Quite the penultimate post. You give us candy reviews, news of strange couples in your city, a great story about getting checked out, and then you leave us all hopped up to see Superbad. But what clinched it was calling us little chocolate doughnuts, mmmmm doughnuts.

Disco and Dexter - Friends at Best said...

Thank you, now I want a chocolate-glazed cake dough nut.

viciousrumours said...

When we first started dating we were at a BBQ and I was talking to my future love mate. I watched him, slacked jawed, as he wiped his mouth on the inside of his shirt. Before I could stop myself I had slapped him on the back of the head and hollered, "Jesus! Go get a napkin, would you? What are you four?" It was our first official argument, but he's never wiped his face on his clothing again.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I think I need to try those Elvis cups for myself. Also, I <3 Michael Cera! (Or George Michael, as I like to call him.) I'm totally going to see it tonight!

Nature Girl said...

I have never seen that candy before..good thing I suppose, the less I know about candy like that the better.

Run of Elvis's huh? What I wouldn't have given to be THERE with my camera!
Stacie
oh..and that guy at the pharmacy..EW!

kimmyk said...

WTF #3. Was a gadamn monkey???
Fuckin' weirdos man. Shoulda smacked him in the back of the head and told him to spit it out!

We're going to the movies tonight-either it's Superbad or Stardust.

How was it?

LittlePea said...

So Mr.Scalp-picker-who-eats-it was cute? Somehow that's makes it even more disgusting.

Sorry about the skin inspection situation. I'm they thought you were hot....

LittlePea said...

I meant to write I'm SURE they thought you were hot. I do that a lot don't I?

I think I was still traumatized about the scalp guy....

metalia said...

I am seeing that movie later this week, and CANNOT WAIT. Stupid wedding tomorrow, keeping me from real, important things such as this.

Stacy said...

What about scalpy bits says, "Tasty"??? I'm gonna ponder that for a while.

Fran said...

The highs and the lows... Great post. I appreciate your ability to bring me from laughter to despair(eew- the pharmacy scene) and back to laughter so readily.

Anyway, Michael Cera is great. Ah the demise of the great Arrested Development, I will never be over it. Well, its not like never being over Elvis... but in its own small screen way.

My husband, his sister and I went to see SuperBad last night. We all laughed so hard that I had both a stomachache and a headache.

It was so insanely awful and yet adorable at the same time.