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Common ways "International Whiskeymarie Day" is celebrated around the world:
- In Canada, celebrants will host a dinner for the local hobos where they will serve Poutine, Nachos and Chili. Then, shots of Canadian whiskey are passed around until one or more fights break out amongst the guests. If guests are not in a fighting mood, dollar bills are thrown into a dirt pit to encourage things. At midnight, illegal fireworks are set off. If no one loses an eye, the next year will be prosperous. If an eye is lost, all attendees are encouraged to live like an animal in the woods until the "year of dispair" is over.
- In Brazil, IWD is observed through a solemn ceremony where everyone gathers in a circle and sings Air Supply songs, then a vow of "no pants" is taken. When seven Sundays have passed, then pants may be worn again.
- In Sweden, the day is marked by people of all ages drinking rhubarbtinis from sunup to sundown, ending the day by throwing up in the ceremonial "barf vessel" which is usually hand-crafted from the finest paper mache' and passed down from generation to generation.
- The French refuse to acknowledge IWD ever since Whiskeymarie brought her own box of wine to the Mime Festival and started what later became known as "Le Franzia Riots de Doritos aux Battle Royale".
- Germans really whoop it up, marking the day with a stern nod towards one another. It truly is magical.
- The Chinese kick off the festivities by taking their 2-minute lunch break in their 18-hour workday to do a little "happy wiggle butt dance" while eating the traditional meal of "Orange Macaroni Gai Pan", the ingredients of which vary from provence to provence, but always include barbequed pork and those little baby corns that are so darn cute.
Officials from the VonPartypants Campaign for International Awesome Day are asking for suggestions as to how to "officially" celebrate. How best to celebrate the birth of a hero? How best to mark the day that the one who would finally stand up and say "I won't wear pants if I don't feel like it or if I accidentally lose them, dammit!" was born? How best to honor a legend in her own mind?
Please send suggestions in a 7.46" x 23.583333" envelope, along with $6.99 to cover the cost of cheap chardonnay and a bag of skittles to:
6969 Underpants Crossing, Suite 3.14159
Pootertoot City, MN
Send all suggestions "Attention Douchebags" or just cover the outside with Dorito dust- it'll get to the right place.