Thursday, May 15, 2008

Fluff piece, not to be confused with "fluffer", which is something else entirely.

Beautiful day.

I took my tried and true 1960-something 1 speeder, Ethel, out for a nice long spin today.
Here she is, parked in the garage.

I wanted to take her younger (70's) brother, Gary, out instead as he has three speeds (!), a bell and a nifty basket on his booty, but if you look closely you can see that he is having some chain "issues".
So, Ethel and I tooled around the neighborhood, went downtown, and scared the shit out of a hobo sleeping on the pike path. Sorry, Mr. hobo dude.

Ethel and I discussed things, and we agreed that making these for the BBQ at J2's house tonight was a good idea:

Would you like one?
I have been told that my choco chip cookies are quite possibly the world's best.
Braggart? Indeed. But I spent a looooong time perfecting them, so I feel entitled to brag, brag, brag away.

I don't keep the recipe locked in a special compartment in my chastity belt, so here you go:

Whiskeymarie's Fucking Awesome Chocolate Chip Cookies:

1c. softened butter (read that? It says BUTTER. Not margarine, not Shedd's spread country crock. BUTTER. Make sure it's room temp or you'll be sorry.)
1c. dark brown sugar, packed (you can use light brown, but try the dark. You won't regret it.)
3/4 c. regular old white granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 Tablespoon vanilla (yes, you read that right. I tablespoon. I know it seems like a lot, but humor me. Also, try using the real stuff if you can, not the imitation. You can get it cheap at Costco. It makes a big difference.)
2 large eggs
3 c. all-purpose flour (measure this accurately. Don't "eyeball" it.)
12-oz bag MILK chocolate chips (I prefer Guylian as the chips are bigger, but Ghirardelli or any other "good" kind will do. Don't go and cheap out on the chocolate.)

If you have a mixer, use it (using the paddle), otherwise you can do this by hand too.
Cream together the butter, sugars, salt, soda and vanilla (if you are using a mixer, usually 2-3 minutes is fine, by hand it'll be 4-5 minutes. Yes, your arm will get tired.)
Add the eggs one at a time and incorporate thoroughly.

Add the flour and mix until everything is just incorporated (if you are using a mixer, pulse it on and off at first or you'll have a big-assed mess. Also, when using the mixer, I mix on low until the flour is sort of "halfway" combined, and then I add the chips so they don't get all smooshed up. If mixing by hand add the chips with the flour.)

Drop by heaping tablespoons onto an ungreased baking sheet, then flatten slightly with the palm of your hand.

Bake at 350 degrees until just lightly browned (they will look puffy). Let rest only about 10-15 seconds, then remove from the sheet to cool.

Eat em' up. You can also add 3/4 c. chopped nuts (when you add the chips) to this if you're into bastardizing recipes like that. Any other alterations/substitutions and I cannot guarantee the fucking awesomeness of the cookies. Just follow the damn recipe, will you?'re welcome.

Happy Thursday, my ooey, gooey chippy morsels of love. Happy Thursday.


Iheartfashion said...

The recipe sounds delicious. Could you send some my way? I'm a firm believer in always using butter.

Ghost Dansing said...

those look like delicious cookies Whiskeymarie..... fortune cookies

180|360 said...

I just love that you named your bikes Ethel and Gary. That totally fits them!

The cookies look yummy. I can't believe people even use margarine. Saturated fats are just so tasty. Now if only I could find the energy to make them.

Gwen said...

Margarine has a half-life of 20,000 years. Don't eat it.

Will you please, please, please send me some of those cookies for my birthday on June 3? I realize I didn't send you anything on your birthday but I'll pull out any sob story for a cookie . . . I'm going to be 39! I NEED COOKIES. And also whiskey. Thanks.

thethinker said...

Those cookies look delicious. Since I can't cook, I'm going to need you to send me a few batches.

kirby said...

I make a batch of cookies exactly like that (well almost, I use cheap-ass Nestle chips) for my husband every week. No wonder he overlooks my many faults.

H said...

Oh, you just made me so hungry for chocolate chip cookies. And reminded me that I haven't baked in a really long time. A really, really long time. Even though I (surprisingly) love baking. Thanks for the recipe! I will definitely be making these!

John said...

Wait! What?! Fluffer?? Didn't I see you doing a perp walk earlier today Ms. Von Partypants? Please send me your resume. Oh, and some of those fucking chocolate chip cookies.

Fran said...

I came by for the fluffer but I stayed for the cookies...

They do sound awesome. I am not much of a baker (like so not a precision kind of gal) but I will try these and measure and not cheap out on the chocolate and will otherwise behave.

As much as I can anyway.

Lollie said...

For a hot second there, I thought Ethel had training wheels (and no I wouldn't put that past you), but then I realized that it was just Ed the Lawnmower.

Christa said...

ethel is the cutest bike ever invented. i'm going to have a contest where you can name my bike. please send your top four suggestions.

Katrin said...

You post a cookie recipe, when I am on a diet?! Can I just go and bury myself now?
Man, my mouth is watering.

gorillabuns said...

i like to rub the butter on my thighs while i over-pour the vanilla in my cookies.


Amaya said...

What a great way to start my Friday. Thanks for the ooey, gooey recipe. Must.Try.Tonight.

CDP said...

I'm going to try those. They do appear to be fucking awesome. I do like semi-sweet chips, though, so they might be only moderately awesome.

lizgwiz said...

Ethel is fabulous! I need an Ethel.

Can dark chocolate be substituted for milk chocolate? Pretty please? (I always use real butter. And real vanilla.)

Whiskeymarie said...

Fine, fine. Substitute. Try and use the chunks or bigger chips if you can. If not, I'm sure they'll be at least moderately to nearly fucking awesome still.
I just ate two as a reward for working out.
Damn delicious cookies.

Stefanie said...

I have already found the recipe that I think is the perfect recipe for chocolate chip cookies. I found that one, however, after already deciding a previous recipe was the perfect recipe for chocolate chip cookies. So obviously I was wrong before and am probably wrong again. I look forward to trying your purportedly perfected recipe soon.

Also, what is the difference between light and dark brown sugar anyway? Can you clear that up for me once and for all, pretty please?

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Mmmmmmmmm, cookies.

Winter said...

So can't I just give you my credit card number and you send me some?

Stacy said...

Ethel should meet my bike, Trixie. She's teal and shiny with a basket (that holds a six-pack).

And also 8 million pounds.


Mommy Lisa said...

I am sure it is the tablespoon of vanilla.

I ALWAYS add more than any recipe says, but in this case I will follow the g--damn recipe!

You are the queen.

Idea #527 said...

I have also been told that my cookies are by far superior. . . I think it's because I use a scoop to scoop them so they turn out almost perfectly round. . . :)

I look forward to trying your recipe and uping my awesomeness in the cookie department! (It will be difficult for me to actually MEASURE the flour. . . I'm a known eye baller!!!)

LaLa said...

Mmm these sound yummy!