Saturday, May 3, 2008

Just call me Beatrice. Or Estelle. Or Betty...

As I plan on possibly being mildly to moderately hung over tomorrow morning (I'm meeting/meeting up with fellow bloggers Flenker and h tonight- let's see what happens when bloggers collide!) and I'll probably be too drunk the rest of the day to type...

Make me feel better about turning 37 tomorrow than I do right now.

Damn, when did I get so old and who let all these hoodlums and whippersnappers in?
I'm going to the icebox for a libation and possibly a nice supper.

*click the pic to see my awesome pedicure.


Anyone for a game of shuffleboard later? How about a rousing round of Canasta? Could someone stop by Walgreens and get me a pair of those support hose I like so much? Does this look like a goiter to you? Don't you have something mushy to eat? Why are my boobs touching my bellybutton? Do you have any bunion pads? No? How about hemorrhoid cream? Is my Hoveround out of the shop yet? Where's that mailman? Is Matlock on? Do you have any of those hard candies I like so much? Forty three dollars? For a pair of shoes? Have you seen my teeth? Does this cat sweatshirt match these stretchy pants? How about the metallic tennies? Do those work with my outfit? Why does my colon hurt? Want to go out and catch the early bird $4.95 salisbury steak special down at the Sizzler? Is my toupee' on straight? I seem to have misplaced my vagina- have you seen it?

Next thing you know, I'll be 38. Then, of course- 39 is right around the corner. And then...

Then I'll be 29 again.

I love how that works. My birthdays, my rules.
XO

32 comments:

Mommy Lisa said...

Well Betty, make way for Ina. Ina will soon be trotting out another candle on her cake too...of course that makes her 29, for the third time.

Have fun! Cute toes! Blow out the candle and have a nice libation.

I soon will be done with my homework and making myself a Lavendar Lemonade Vodka w/ yummy Itallian Soda I got at Whole Foods today.

Fran said...

At 50 I can only tell you - it gets so much better and for once I am totally serious.

At least that is the view from here. However, as you know, I sometimes tend to be full of shit, even when being completely serious, so that is that.

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY you gorgeous girl blogger, you. If I lived in certain parts of this country and practiced an even more draconian faith than my Catholicism, I might actually be old enough to have a child your age...

Ok, stopping right there. Eew. I've even grossed myself out and that almost never happens.

Have a great birthday sister, you deserve it.

Signed,
Oldie But Goodie or at least Ok-ee.

John said...

Okay, now I OFFICIALLY want Shorty's job. Are you teasing me?

John said...

I'm sorry! I was totally distracted by my fantasy of sucking your toes. I'll be back tomorrow to wish you a Happy Birthday! Have a fun night!

-R- said...

Happy birthday! I hope it gets warm enough for you to show off your fancy toes. And here's hoping your gifts are all your favorite sweaters from the Quack Factory on QVC. They will look great with your tennies.

Christa said...

happy happy, wm. give all my love to flenkified, but save some for yourself.

McGone said...

You really have learned how to use this newfangled "Interweb" thing pretty well for someone your age.

Happy Birthday, WM! I hope you tie one on like there's no tomorrow. Which, at your age...

Christy said...

Boy, do I know how you feel...I will be turning 36 in a few short weeks, and although I never pegged myself as the type to get upset about it, I AM!

Have a great time--have a drink for me, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Anonymous said...

Happy Happy Birthday! HAve fun!

Patti

Utah Savage said...

I agree with the blogger formerly known as Dcup. Stop your fucking whining. You start to get your shit together at forty. Aside from the tits hanging to my waist, and where did I put my teeth? It gets better with age. Certain women don't get really beautiful until their forties. I learned to play polo in my mid fifties. And still don't own a sweater with anything on it. But that Salisbury steak early bird special is starting to sound pretty good. And like Dcup, all it takes to make these low hanging tits look good is a black lace bra. So happy birthday, gorgeous, you are just getting good, Run with it.

SkylersDad said...

Happy Birthday Whiskey! I hope the day/night treats you well!

Landis said...

my god. that litany was oddly compelling. suddenly i wanted to be really really freakin old. golden girls old.

i mean, think about it. just letting it all go. whew.

not that it'll ever happen. i am like barbara walters. frozen. eternal. terrifying.

oh, happy bday. 38 is worse.

Mariposa said...

Happy birthday!!! I wish you all the best! 38 is not old, you're still 2 years short to start living life, they say it starts at 40 right? ;)

(((HUGS)))

Red said...

Okay, so I already wished you a Happy Birthday on Friday. I blame Suze. But now Happy Birthday for real! And when every thing looks bleak, remember that the Evil Genius is (now, not-so-)secretly in love with you. And that's worth something ;)

punchlinewalking said...

Happy Happy Birthday! I'll have a drink in your honor today! Now go get on your Rascal and get to partying.

Mrs. Tantrum said...

Happy Birthday!! (I think I missed it in my drunken/drug induced haze post dental work. And that is not an excuse.) I hope that it was good, full of drinks, monkeys, delicous food, and sexy clothes.

Um, and BOTOX and boob jobs are great for hiding your real age. That is why I don't look a day over 16.

Stefanie said...

Happy birthday! Don't fret; you're one of the youngest 37 year olds I know. (I mean that in a good way, in case it wasn't clear.)

Candle between the toes? Careful, lady!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You are only as old as you feel, and I encourage you to feel me while I am still youngish.

tobacco brunette said...

Happy Birthday! I hope you're not hungover. I hope you're still drunk.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Even though I am much older and wiser, 38, I can tell you nothing more about the aging process than you seem to know. The only thing that shifted for me in the last year was a preference for baths over showers. Am I reverting back to childhood now? I hope so.

Happy Birthday, Whiskey! You are well loved and you's toes is sweet!

pistols at dawn said...

Happy birthday to ye, miss. Upside: if old age sucks, the senility will help you forget that almost instantly, right?

kirby said...

Happy Birthday, and save me some of that hard candy.

CDP said...

Happy Birthday, I'm so sorry I missed it! BTW, my grandmother is missing a cat sweatshirt and a pair of stretchy pants, and you seem to have one of each. Not saying, just saying. I hope you had a fabulous birthday! (37, you frickin' baby).

JR said...

Happy Birthday!!

Ben said...

Happy Birthday "young" lady, I'm sure it was a good one.

Cheers

Distributorcap said...

well by now you crossed over to 38 land ---- happy birthday

i hope the toes weathered it well
you sure are


ps -- it gets better when the first digit crosses....

Renaissance Woman said...

Happy Birthday and I hope that you have recovered by now. Pedi looks great. I love your birthday rules and may even apply to myself. Can't wait to hear about the party.

L Sass said...

Happy Birthday, Golden Girl!

Gwen said...

I am turning 39 in a little less than a month. Trust me when I saw there is no reason to fear. It truly does only get better, sweets!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! MWAH!

180|360 said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

I was traveling and unable to comment- but I did see 70 year old twins dressed alike in the airport yesterday and instantly thought of you! I grabbed them and we did a little birthday dance in your honor.

Wishing you a fabulous 37th year! You are hands down one of my favorite blog finds of 2008. :)

EmBee said...

Hey, when your Hoveround gets out of the shop, I'd like to challenge you to a race around the rest home... Loser has to buy the rice pudding!

Happy Birthday Gorgeous!

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