Friday, May 30, 2008

Salve, ointment and various virility tonics.

So in a further effort to bring you all one step closer to coming to the doctor with me for my yearly, I thought I 'd go ahead and let you do what you know you'd do anyways if I invited you over for vodka, cake and competitive Yahtzee:

Go ahead, take a peek into my medicine cabinet.

You know you want to. I'd totally look in yours, given the opportunity.

C'mon- just take a quick peek- I didn't add anything, take anything out or even hide the drugs.

The cabinet itself is old, old, old. It is rusty, small and obviously not big enough. There is room for about 1/8 of my products, which makes me 7/8 more frustrated every damn day. If you look closely, there is a slot in the back that is labeled as a place to dispose of your old razor blades. But when we looked closer, we realized that basically the blades would get deposited into the wall itself. How odd. We are gutting the bathroom this summer, so I am fully prepared to find hundreds of rusty razor blades tucked into the wall. Again- how odd.



Top to bottom, a rundown of what's in there:

Top shelf, (l to r): old refillable perfume atomizer, behind that- a bottle of "Elvis" cologne I bought the Mr. as a joke a bajillion years ago. It smells like sweaty Elvis after a whole mess of peanut butter & banana sammies. Next, Allergy eye drops, Monkey band-aids, anti-gas pills (you laugh, but let me tell you- there is nothing you are more grateful to have after Mexican food and a few beers. Nothing.), Aveda lip gloss, Muscle relaxers (bet you thought I was always joking about those, huh?), Aveda makeup remover, Ativan (kind of like Valium lite) for when I fly, blister relief pads (these work wonders), two boxes of band-aids and a mini first aid kit for travel.

Middle row: Tinted moisturizer (Cover Girl) and a really old bottle of CoCo. Behind that, a bottle of perfume from Agnes B. that looks like those Russian nesting dolls and smells delicious and girly, Stick makeup for concealing flaws (as if I have any!), some Revlon makeup I hate and should toss, Victoria's Secret lip balm (not great, not bad), some crappy Revlon lip stain that I hate but haven't tossed, prescription eye drops, Agnes B. apricot complexion enhancer (Agnes B. no longer sells cosmetics in the U.S. so I am clinging to every last bit of this miracle cream), Too Faced lip gloss that looks amazing and tastes like cinnamon, miscellaneous eye shadows (Bibo, Clinique), Aveda toner, Cover Girl loose powder, Neosporin, and Nude colored Revlon Cream blush that I adore.

Bottom: three kinds of floss, Prescription nose spray, Crest toothpaste, anti-baby medication and some lemon-flavored toothpaste that I like but only use once in a while because it seems weird to not have your toothpaste be minty, but it's great to use if you're going to be eating right away as it doesn't interfere with the taste of food as much.

Close-up of my monkey band-aids:

I save them for "special occasion" cuts and burns.

I tiny peek at the horror that is my bathroom. I'll show you "before", "during" and "after" shots when the demolition starts, but here you can see the lovely color scheme: rust and vomity "flesh" color.
Ick.
Tomorrow I'll let you peek into my sock drawer, and if you're good I'll show you my pantry, baby. Uh-huh. Oh yeah.

Happy Friday, my primped, preened and coiffed little monkeys. Happy Friday.

XO

23 comments:

Christy said...

Oh no...you're taking away some of the mystery! LOL Besides that, I think you've done an amazing job of fitting many things into your smallish medicine cabinet. And it's so neat & tidy (I'm impressed.) :)

T said...

What was the free toy inside?

Whiskeymarie said...

A plastic monkey in a fez. I'm leaving him in with the band-aids until they're all gone. I don't want him to get lonely.
;)

punchlinewalking said...

Competitive Yahtzee?!! I'm on my way!

3carnations said...

I had never heard of that razor blade thing until we replaced our medicine cabinet, and found a hole behind it from a previous medicine cabinet and one lone razor blade. Hubby explained the probable reason. Lovely.

180|360 said...

I can't wait to hear about what you find in your wall! That is crazy. Vodka and competitive Yahtzee- sounds like a perfect evening!

John said...

Sock drawer?? Warm... warmer... ; )

Now let's go fry us up some of those peanut butter and nanner sandwiches Momma.

John said...

P.S. - you HAVE no flaws and you look hot.

Lollie said...

Umm, you have more items in your medicine cabinet than I do in my clothes closet...is that sad or what?

Sassmaster said...

When my parents demo'd their bathroom, all the razor blades were revealed. I always liked that practice -- they can do no harm in the wall, man.

Fran said...

That looks like the medicine cabinet I had in my last house.

Tiny, rusty, crowded but cute.

However, I did not have a single monkey bandage!!

WANT!

McGone said...

You sent Fernando Bacon and Egg band-aids... does your town have a special novelty band-aid store? Like "Just Band-Aids" or "Band-Mart" or something?

CDP said...

The medicine cabinet in my mom's house (built around 1905) has one of those razor slots, too. Rather disgusting if you think about it.

Sornie said...

Now yours is a bathroom is desperate need of a remodel. You need to keep a running tally of razor blades found during demo.

Gwen said...

I can't wait to see what you find in The Blade Hole.

P.S. It's ok if you implicated me in the pignapping. For all you know, I did it . . .

zgirl said...

okay, I have been reading your blog for over a month and have never laughed so hard!! So I decided it is time to comment!
As a dental hygienist, I must say I love the fact that you found room in your cabinet for dental floss!! (3 kinds mind you)! YAY
The band-aids look so cute and ?vintage?.
My cabinet has Dora, Princess, Tinkerbell, Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
(Yes, I have kids and many boo boos)!!!
I'll be back!!

LittlePea said...

I think I have the same lipstain that I hate too. I've never seen Monkey bad aids before. damn

Ghost Dansing said...

medicine

Flenker said...

I love the razor disposal into the wall. Genius! Think of all the things you could get rid of, just by placing them between sheet of drywall! I'm going to have to try this in my apartment.

Iheartfashion said...

Just Ativan and Valium? I'm disappointed!

Freida Bee, MD said...

So, after your sock drawer is your panty drawer, right? (I am hoping that "r" is a typo.)

Renaissance Woman said...

Girl...your bathroom is actually a step up from mine! I am also going to be remodeling the bathroom this summer. The demolition starts next week. I'll send you pictures! Good luck

NotSoccer Mom said...

heh, anti-baby medication? nice way of putting it! haha.

btw, very brave of you.