Thursday, April 10, 2008

And she never wore houndstooth again.

When I was 5 or 6 it was finally decreed that I would be allowed to dress myself.

One day, in late July I decided to take a bike ride to the convenience store a mile from our house. Serial killers and child molesters did not exist in the year 1976, so my parents did what any protective parent would: They gave me a dollar and let me hop on my bike and toodle down the country roads by myself.

It was approximately 125 degrees out on this particular day.

I chose a navy blue wool turtleneck, navy and white wool houndstooth bell-bottoms, thick socks and my black mary janes that closely resembled the orthopedic shoes that the kid with two different length legs had to wear (see left).

I hopped on my sparkly green hand-me-down banana seat bike, shoved that precious dollar in my pocket and was off.

By the end of our 1/4 mile-long driveway, I was sweating profusely . By the end of our road I was soaked through and probably smelling of ingested play-doh and grape kool-aid.
About halfway to the store...
it all went black.

I awoke in a stranger's house, a cloth on my head. Some strange lady was on the phone, talking to what I assumed to be my Mom. How she figured out who I was I will never know. I can only assume that she was a witch.

"She was in front of our house and just sort of tipped over. There was a stream of sweat running down the pavement from her head. She was dressed kind of warm for a day like today, don't you think? We'll keep her here until you can pick her up."

And I can remember that all I was thinking wasn't: "Where am I? Am I hurt? or, How come the people that live here are so clean?"

It was: "Damn. Now I won't get any candy."


Katie said...


One time I passed out from heat stroke becuase I REFUSED to take a green wool beret off my head in 100 degree heat.

Stacey said...

Aww, you poor thing.

This makes me think about my kiddos and the stuff they put together. For the most part they do a decent job. Except my son insists on wearing his Spiderman moon boots with everything.

I tried to hide them but dammit if he didn't search the whole house and find those suckers.

I'll be glad when his feet grow and they become too small. Cuz he certainly doesn't care about the weather. I wouldn't be suprised if he wants to wear them with his shorts in the summer *sigh*

Gwen said...

Woman, you crack me up.

dguzman said...

Oh sweet jaysus, you kill me.

The worst part? The Kat and The Kid are the exact. same. way. One summer it was at least 110 and The Kat wore jeans, sneakers, and a long-sleeved t-shirt to a park. That night at the hospital, after she'd had repeated seizures during her heat stroke, she agreed that maybe she should've gone with a short-sleeved t-shirt.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

What a great story! Is that a young me in that chair with you? Because if it is and it turns out we're related I won't stop having a crush on you but I will be a little creeped out by it, but not creeped out enough to stop digging you so much.

Ghost Dansing said...

the effects of intense sunlight can be unpredictable
heat vision and jack

180|360 said...

Glad you made it out alive!

I just love 70's photos.

Grant Miller said...

That's Hottt!

Mariposa said...'re so focused on the candy! LOL

Cute photo btw!

T.J. said...

'I can only assume she was a witch.'

Laugh riot.


3carnations said...

Seriously? She told your mom you were dressed a little WARM for the day? I'm surprised she didn't just keep you so she could make sure you dressed properly.

gorillabuns said...

I'm not going to even touch the statement of "how come the people here are so clean?"

EmBee said...

Sounds a LOT like my life... ie. poor decisions result in NO candy.

Minnesota Girl said...

LOL! My little darling girl just started dressing herself. So far her outfits seem weather-appropriate, but very color themed. Yesterday was head to toe pepto bismal seriously hurt the eyes. Today was head to toe purple. And to think I was worried about her "matching"...

Ben said...

Look at those Shoes, so retro I bet they are popular as hell nowaways.


Freida Bee, MD said...

I have pictures that look very similar to those, and I passed out from the heat on a playground where "they" wouldn't let me go inside and get a drink of water. I swear, I must have done it to "show them." (And, my mom let us become latch-key kids rather than paying for the sweatbox.)

Oh, the trips to the quicky mart. And you were probably mere minutes away from a slupry and 2 cent gum, which would have prevented all this.

Oh, and can you decorate your new place with this?

domboy said...

There's just nothing more sad than growing up and becoming sensible.