Thursday, March 29, 2007

Baby, lick my face like it was a lollipop. Mmmm...yeah.

O.k, I understand that you want to show your love for each other, shout it from the rooftops, etc...

But really, is it necessary to make out during lunch? Really? With tongues? Really???

Today I was having a perfectly lovely lunch with my 76 year-old pal, Leon, when directly across from me- about 10 feet away- this 45-ish couple starts going at it. They had barely sat down before they started molesting one another's faces. If this wasn't bad enough, they held each other's heads in their hands as they did it "Harlequin romance novel-cover style", and their tongues weren't completely in each other's mouths. They were kissing with like an inch of space where the tongues just sort of "fondled" one another.

They really only stopped to eat and talk for, oh, I don't know, 3 minutes total.

Thank-you nasty PDA tongue-fondlers for ruining my lunch. I may never be able to eat a turkey-avocado wrap again without some sort of Nam-style flashback.

I'm pretty much as far from a prude as one can get, but jesus christ! Excessive PDA like this always makes me think that they have something to prove- or that they want everyone to watch 'cause they're just so darned sexy that it would be a shame to deprive the world of their "true love". We get it. We just don't want to see it.

I too, have been there: your relationship is new/fairly new, you can't keep your hands off of each other, you think you're the only two people in the world...
Problem is- you're not.
And the people staring at you and shoving their plates away in revulsion...well, that's everyone else.

My rule: a little PDA = o.k.
A little kissing (I'll take my tongue fondling on the side, please), hand-holding, wrapping your arm around their back, a friendly pat on the ass, a nuzzle here or there- all acceptable. Anything beyond that is foreplay and you need to take it where it belongs- an elevator, a stairwell, the fitting room at the Gap, you know- somewhere APPROPRIATE.

End of tirade.
I thank you for your time.


I was so shaken by my lunch, I thought I deserved something pretty:

Stargazer lilies! My favorite! You shouldn't have darling, but I ADORE you for it.

Yay! Pretty and pretty smelly!


T said...

I love the visual aid.

Kate said...

Porn & lunch!

I tend to believe that those who practice brazen PDAs thou doth protest too much.

Or however you phrase that.

Either way, eeeeeeeeeew.

thethinker said...

Too much PDA is gross. It gives me the urge to vomit. I don't see how you were able to keep your food down.