Dinner & drinks tonight with Blondie and 2 lovely ladies we went to high school with: T-top and Sweetie. We went to another "happening" place: the Town Talk Diner. Fabulous food the way I like it: simple & no fuss, plus they mixed me a smashing manhattan.
Anywhere you can get deep-fried pickles is a.o.k. with me.
We had a great night, but I left with mixed feelings.
If you haven't figured out already, I am in the "food" field- have been for a while now. I owned a restaurant (which always garnered very good reviews) for a couple (three) years, which, in this big/small town, gives you a bit of "clout".
Now, sometimes people know/recognize me, and I won't say no to a comped cocktail, appetizer or what have you (which I graciously accepted this evening), but now that I'm kind of out of the loop, it makes me a little sad. I don't know if people respect or pity me- and I'm quite sure no one will ever tell me which is which. I purposely take a low profile- I've never been one for shameless self-promotion (like so many people I know in this business), but at the same time I feel like I did something HUGE that most people won't and can't understand.
I sacrificed everything -everything- and took the biggest chance I've ever taken.
And I'm a huge risk-taker, for the record.
I can't say I regret any of it, or that I think I failed (I don't), but I just don't know where I fit in anymore in this little "world" these days.
I'm really still not ready to go into all the gloriously gory details of those 3+ years, but let me tell you this much- if you've read the book, it puts "Kitchen Confidential" to shame. Debaucherous and fucked up doesn't really touch the tip of this drug/booze/sex-infested mess. Some day you'll get the "holy-shit this is juicy" details...but not just yet.
Tonight somehow made me feel special and humbled at the same time. I don't know where I belong in my world, or in my profession.
Although, I am once again feeling the urge to divide & conquer, so...
This could be trouble.
P.S. Tomorrow...bikini wax. Details to follow...