Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Like a bug on a windsheild
Oh, oh, oh- I almost forgot.
When I was walking into the wine bar last night,
Just as I got to the glass door & was reaching to open it...feeling cute and sexy...walking with a swagger...
These beauties let me down and decided to get confused as to which direction I wanted them to go in. Generally, my trusty footwear, generally FORWARD is best for everyone involved.
Sorry to scare you there, Ma'am. Yes, I did see the door was closed. Unfortunately I needed it to break my fall as I am basically the social equivalent of a Clydesdale Horse on stilts.
Yes, Ma'am, it is o.k. that you and your friends were laughing at me. Although the Syrah coming out of your nose wasn't necessary- really, it wasn't. Yeah, funny haha.
Why not laugh? Everyone else in the joint was.
At least you didn't applaud.
Like they did that one time when I walked smack into a glass door at a bar. Sober.
It think I did what is commonly know as a "face plant" there, leaving a nice greasy smear and possibly some skin.
I really shouldn't try to walk & talk at the same time. I should know better by now.
My brain can operate my brain or my feet individually, but never, ever together.
(Please bring me the following this year as, though I haven't been especially good, I really, really meant to try harder this year. I know I can be good, just let me work through the steps at my own pace, man. You know this isn't easy for a girl like me. Whiskey doesn't just drink itself, you know.)
1) A helmet, preferably in pink
2) Knee pads, preferably sparkly
3) Boxing gloves
4) Tuition to Miss Twinklebooty's Charm School for socially misfitted girls
And if Christmas could come early this year I would greatly appreciate it.
C'mon, hustle, Fat Boy- let's get this show on the road.
I've got lots of shoes and little coordination. Let's do something before I end up in the hospital.