Let's keep this civil and simple.
Celebrities I would gyrate wildly with, possibly while naked, I mean...nude.
a.k.a. "Celebrities I would most graciously participate with in the knocking of the boots, unless they have the herps or chlamydia.
#1) The man who turns my undies into an intricate jell-o mold with gummy bears and canned pineapple:
Sir Sexypants Clive Owen. I'm pretty sure there is no man alive who can make a woman think the incredibly inappropriate thoughts that I'm having right now more than you, baby.
Just Call. You totally know my number, silly. Remember me? I sent it to you in that e-mail. And the 14 others, just cause' I maybe thought you weren't getting them, sweetie. Oh, and, hahaha, remember that time I mailed you that cow heart, symbolizing how you broke mine by sleeping with that SLUT in that movie? Good times...
My husband totally gets it. I think he would even consider being "accidentally" gay for an evening in your make-my-thighs-quiver in a pleasantly uncomfortable way arms.
I would understand.
#2) Just hear me out...Craig Ferguson.
Actually I don't know how to justify this.
He's got an accent, which is "charming".
He's funny. Funny gets my pants off quicker than smoooooth anyday.
I'm laughing while I toss my undies aside as we speak...
I hope he's not short. I'd hate that. Short just isn't my...thing.
Dear Craig- Please be 5'10", at least. I can't justify an affair with anything less. Sorry.
#3) O.k, just so you know, my choices only get MORE unconventional as we go, folks. If you're hoping to hear how I'm, like, sooo obsessed with Nick Lachey, well...move along now. I'm seeking the intellectuamals now, lady trashy.
Number three is Jeremy Irons. Circa 1992. Meow.
You make me wish I were a tortured English lass who just needs the guidance of a worldly gent like yourself.
I don't care how old you are now.
If you're not too tired, from well...being "distinguished", and if the reruns of "Are you being served?" are boring you to tears right now, give me a call, sweetie.
I'll be waiting. But not too long, cause' then we might need the help of this:
#4) Oh Lloyd! Yes! Lloyd! Oh. my. God!!!! Lloyd!!!!!
Whew. Just a little Lloyd Dobler moment there.
Whatever. Like you don't still think of Mr. Cusack in a less-than-puritan way. Lloyd, you can take my virginity in a car anytime.
I heart you.
I vagina you.
Say anything? Sure. I'll say you're the King of the world, if that's your thing, Mr. C.
Also, in no particular order:
Simon Le Bon, Elvis Costello, Chris Cornell, Vince Vaughn, George Clooney (yes, I KNOW- but I'd still fuck him), Chris Noth, Leiv Schreiber, Jeff Goldblum, Julian McMahon, Dominic West, Gerard Butler, John Malkovich (sometimes wish I were kidding with this one, but no. I love him.), Nick Cave, Tom Waits and many, many more.
But this is enough for now, kiddos. I'm a little hot & bothered & Mr. WM is out of town.
And yes, this is why I'm hot & bothered. And posting about humping celebrities.
Who do YOU covet in the celebrity stratosphere?
Who makes your undies all warm & tingly?