Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Little orphan Whiskeymarie

I live here.
This is where I grew up with my two sisters- one older, one younger.

It's not so bad here.
The weather kind of sucks- too hot in the summer, spring and fall are always too short, and sometimes the winters make you contemplate a slow and difficult suicide like eating lead-based paint chips- but hey, it could be worse.

My younger sister lives here. Right now, it is the beginning of monsoon season. Up until her moving here, I may have confused monsoon the weather phenomenon with monsoon, an imaginary venereal disease.

It is very hot there right now, a crazy kind of hot that I can only believe would make a delicate flower like me melt into a puddle of sticky but pleasant-smelling goo with cheap local jewelery floating in it.

This is a long way away from where I am.

But...up until today, I at least had comfort that my lovely older sister lived in the same state as I did. We were a mere 2.5 hours drive from a visit.

Not any more.

Today I brought her and her Husband to the airport so that she could move here. For at least 5 years.

I am officially a sibling-orphan.
I hope there is some sort of helpful group out there that pairs socially-"challenged" sib-orphs like myself with caring, nurturing "sisters" and "brothers" that will take me on family-oriented outings and the like.

We could go to a family reunion and start a fist fight.
We could go through old pictures while drinking several bottles of red wine & cry as we simultaneously laugh at our purple teeth.
We could get in a fight about who's more right about, oh, I don't know...ANYTHING, and then not speak for a month.
Or we could argue about who was the parental favorite (I'll let you in on a secret- I was.)

Any volunteers? I'm mostly potty-trained, I love to have the back of my ears rubbed, and I rarely hump on stranger's legs anymore.

Call 1-800-ADOPTME to speak with a sib-orph adoption specialist.
*30-day, limited, money back guarantee for any of the following defects: excessive humping, urinating while laughing in a cackling manner, public drunkenness, binge eating of cheese, identity theft, ultimate fighting, inappropriately tight clothing, bad judgment and flatulence.
No returns on comatose or incoherent adoptees. All terms subject to change without notice or long-term thought.


Sugar Kane said...

If I was close, I would totally adopted you! Maybe the Walsh family will move back and you can become BFFs with Brenda.

I hate the purple teeth! Just not enough to stop drinking wine.

viciousrumours said...

I totally volunteer. I'm in Utah now, but I'm originally from North Dakota, so I know all about the long ass winters.

Why did your sister move to India? Peace Corps perhaps?

Stacey said...

I'm feeling your pain. My twin sister is in the DC Area while I'm in the Seattle area. Could we be any more far apart (well I guess the answer is yes...but I'm can still empathize,right) ?

Hey I want to sign up for the orphaned sib adopt me program too.

We can adopt each other

Butrfly Garden said...

Awww, that's so sad. I'd adopt you, but my family is pretty fucked up. They scare a lot of people. Especially my siblings (all five!). BUT! You can have some of them if you want!! Most of them are tweens and I can do without them for a little while.

T said...

I guess you're stuck with me.

Brillig said...

Holy freakin' crap, the fine print at the bottom of your screen was the funniest thing EVER. Hahahahahaha.

Whiskeymarie said...

Sugar- I think we may be long lost sisters, we're so alike. Brenda and I would have killed each other eventually, that much I'm sure of.

Rumours-She got married- husband is Indian.

W. Mom- Consider yourself my foster sibling. That way you can give me back if you change your mind.

Butrfly- I'll take the tweens. They're fun to have around as I think I scare girls of that age.

Maurey- You are the ambitious sister I never had. Will you have time with your career to drop me off at daycare- I mean, the bar?

Brillig- I love to entertain, toots.

KT said...

haha...funny you should mention this.

every once in awhile I threaten to move far far away from my drives her completely insane.

T said...

I can ALWAYS squeeze you, and a lime, in, WM.

Kate said...

Sweet! Another sister! Please join our family. We are dysnfuctional but we relieve it with pitcher of bloody marys at family functions. Plus, my mom cooks. A lot. She'll say "[Whiskeymarie], EAT! Food is love!". But then she might suggest you diet. So maybe not such a good plan.