Typical conversation from a normal person's place of employment:
"Say Bob, do you have the numbers for the Spaztran account? The boss says we need to get this thing hammered out by the weekend."
"Marge, have you pulled Mr. Clutchcolon's file? He has a 10:00 with Dr. Fingerprober and I need to see his lab work."
"I swear, if Cathy eavesdrops in over her cubicle on one more of my calls, well...I might just let everyone around the water cooler know what she did in the Janitor's closet with Ted at the last Christmas party. I SWEAR I will." "Oh, HEY Cathy! Didn't see you there. I LOVE your top! So cute!"
Typical conversation at Whiskeymarie's place of employment:
"Wow Francine, here you are, about to graduate- and yet you still can't remember the difference between beef and lamb. God, I feel so, well...fulfilled as both your instructor and a human being.
Let's try again:
Cow goes Moo and weighs about 8-900 pounds.
Lamb goes Baa and weighs about 40-50 pounds.
I know, it sure is easy to get them confused."
(me to nice, but unfortunately brain-dead student.)
*Poster I just got in the mail and can't wait to find a home for in my home.
"Yeah, we had to send her to the ER yesterday because she cut the top 1/2" of her finger off. It was really bloody. Funny stuff."
(Co-worker to me)
"Someone in this kitchen has B.O. so bad it's overpowering the fish stock."
(Co-worker to my class. Class then decides to stop & smell their pits. O.k, I did too.)
"Yeah, I have to go to 'sensitivity training' cause I called Buster a fucking idiot"
(Co-worker to me. Awesomely awesome.)
"You call that a sausage? It looks like a cat took a shit in a hog casing."
-File these under why I love my job.