Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Office space, kitchen space.

Typical conversation from a normal person's place of employment:

"Say Bob, do you have the numbers for the Spaztran account? The boss says we need to get this thing hammered out by the weekend."


"Marge, have you pulled Mr. Clutchcolon's file? He has a 10:00 with Dr. Fingerprober and I need to see his lab work."


"I swear, if Cathy eavesdrops in over her cubicle on one more of my calls, well...I might just let everyone around the water cooler know what she did in the Janitor's closet with Ted at the last Christmas party. I SWEAR I will." "Oh, HEY Cathy! Didn't see you there. I LOVE your top! So cute!"


Now! Introducing...

Typical conversation at Whiskeymarie's place of employment:

"Wow Francine, here you are, about to graduate- and yet you still can't remember the difference between beef and lamb. God, I feel so, well...fulfilled as both your instructor and a human being.
Let's try again:
Cow goes Moo and weighs about 8-900 pounds.
Lamb goes Baa and weighs about 40-50 pounds.
I know, it sure is easy to get them confused."
(me to nice, but unfortunately brain-dead student.)


*Poster I just got in the mail and can't wait to find a home for in my home.

"Yeah, we had to send her to the ER yesterday because she cut the top 1/2" of her finger off. It was really bloody. Funny stuff."
(Co-worker to me)


"Someone in this kitchen has B.O. so bad it's overpowering the fish stock."
(Co-worker to my class. Class then decides to stop & smell their pits. O.k, I did too.)


"Yeah, I have to go to 'sensitivity training' cause I called Buster a fucking idiot"
(Co-worker to me. Awesomely awesome.)


"You call that a sausage? It looks like a cat took a shit in a hog casing."
('Nuff said)

File these under why I love my job.


Domestically Disabled Girl said...

wtf is with that comment?!?!? lol!

love your work conversations! ours are definitely of the more boring variety, most of the time. i could use more laughs at work. sigh.

T said...

Overheard at my job:

Graphic artist is caught emerging from bathroom with a newspaper in hand.

Graphic artist is greeted with a rousing chorus of "Who Let the Poop Out?"

Sugar Kane said...

'sensitivity training' What's that?

Good stuff!

S said...

Man. I NEVER get tired of kitchen humour. I wish you needed another pastry instructor. . . .

BigBottomMcGee said...

Too funny. Your job at least sounds pretty interesting!

Stacey said...

Where do you work ? I'm about ready for a little change.

Your conversations are by far more interesting than anything happenin' round here!

Brillig said...

Dr. Fingerprober and Mr. Clutchcolon. HAHAHAHAHA.

What frightens me is that the people in your workplace with whom you are having these conversations will actually be making food for people... That's pretty scary.

"Excuse me, but I ordered beef, not this finger..."

So, what did the deleted comment say? Hmmm? My curiosity has been piqued...

Whiskeymarie said...

Nothing good, just wierd spam-y crap.
Not to be confused with the "meat product"

thethinker said...

Those are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

As amazing as all of that is. . . Why in the HELL don't I ever get anything as cool as that poster in the mail? I get press releases for Fogo de Chao (which probably cost $30 per piece considering all of the bells and whistles, but I'm still not writing about them), I get cheap (really, really cheap) vodka, I get Frango cookbooks instructing me how to bake with Marshall Fields chocolates. Who do I need to bang to get mail like yours? I'll do it, too. I swear.


Whiskeymarie said...

Well, I'm totally humping on the guy at the print shop- absolutely worth it.
No, I'm not humping on the strange man with the chemical smell & Wolverine-like hair.
I don't know what I did right or who I blew in a former life. It's seriously the only tasty treat (other than textbooks) that I've ever received via the work connections.

Oh, and if you need to unload unwanted cookbooks, give them to me. We keep them around for the students.