Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Like a bug on a windsheild

Oh, oh, oh- I almost forgot.

When I was walking into the wine bar last night,

Just as I got to the glass door & was reaching to open it...feeling cute and sexy...walking with a swagger...

These beauties let me down and decided to get confused as to which direction I wanted them to go in. Generally, my trusty footwear, generally FORWARD is best for everyone involved.

Sorry to scare you there, Ma'am. Yes, I did see the door was closed. Unfortunately I needed it to break my fall as I am basically the social equivalent of a Clydesdale Horse on stilts.
Yes, Ma'am, it is o.k. that you and your friends were laughing at me. Although the Syrah coming out of your nose wasn't necessary- really, it wasn't. Yeah, funny haha.
Why not laugh? Everyone else in the joint was.

At least you didn't applaud.
Like they did that one time when I walked smack into a glass door at a bar. Sober.
It think I did what is commonly know as a "face plant" there, leaving a nice greasy smear and possibly some skin.
I really shouldn't try to walk & talk at the same time. I should know better by now.
My brain can operate my brain or my feet individually, but never, ever together.

Dear Santa:
(Please bring me the following this year as, though I haven't been especially good, I really, really meant to try harder this year. I know I can be good, just let me work through the steps at my own pace, man. You know this isn't easy for a girl like me. Whiskey doesn't just drink itself, you know.)

1) A helmet, preferably in pink

2) Knee pads, preferably sparkly

3) Boxing gloves

4) Tuition to Miss Twinklebooty's Charm School for socially misfitted girls

And if Christmas could come early this year I would greatly appreciate it.

C'mon, hustle, Fat Boy- let's get this show on the road.
I've got lots of shoes and little coordination. Let's do something before I end up in the hospital.


H said...

Not that very long ago my boyfriend and I were in the car and he asked me to look out and see if he had parked in the lines. I leaned out...except my window wasn't down. Face smack into the window!

There was the time when I kind of fell sideways just standing next to the car.

He has suggested that he get a padded apartment, and really it would probably be a good idea. Mind if I copy your Christmas list?

Butrfly Garden said...

I used to be a pro on heels (although I've always been convinced that wedges would kill me) my faves are all 3-4 inches. I could RUN in them.

I quit wearing them while I was pregnant and now I walk like it's the first time I've ever worn them.

I have no comforting tales of slamming into glass, though, unless you count the numerous times with the sliding door when I was a kid.

Cute shoes!

BigBottomMcGee said...

Love the shoes! I think I saw them in aqua and have been lusting after them ever since...

P.S. You make my day so often! Hilarious!

Stacey said...

Ok, now that was just funny!

Good call, blame it on the shoes (which are very cute,btw)

Lollie said...

Dear Santa/Fat Boy:

Please include matching sparkly elbow pads. (These help tremendously - trust me.)

Sugar Kane said...

Oh the price we sometimes pay for pretty shoes.

Let me know if Santa doesn't come through. Everyone should have sparkly knee pads, so I will totally send you some.

Whiskeymarie said...

I got the shoes at Target for $16.
God I love Target.

thethinker said...

I'm jealous of those shoes.

But I'm probably just as uncoordinated/clumsy as you, so I guess it's for the best that I don't own them.

LittlePea said...

I love those shoes. I don't even know what else this post was about because things got blurry when all I could focus on were how hot those shoes are. Oh ok I read it--hmmm-I'm a pro at walking in difficult shoes, although I have been known to stumble once or twice(or thrice, ok maybe four times). The secret is to walk on tip toe even when you don't have any shoes on, it will strengthen the muscles. I learned this in gymnastics class but I don't know if it really works...oh shoes, oh love.

feisty said...

ah, the wedges. love 'em or hate 'em, but they are here to stay.

to balance, and strong ankles!

Rebecca said...

hey - you're very funny! I can't believe I haven't checked out your blog before.

shall definitely be back.

H said...

My clumsiness is not at all related to the shoes I wear -- I wear heels pretty much 24/7, and seem to only fall when I'm wearing flats, or am barefoot. Perhaps heels make me invincible?

Brillig said...

AHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, poor Whiskeymarie. SO FUNNY--not that I'm laughing AT you, exactly. Okay, fine. I'm laughing at you...

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

my daughter has a pretty pink helmet and sparkly elbow and knee pads i'm sure she'd be more than happy to borrow you. they'd look GREAT with those shoes!


ps said...

it's tonight's full moon. that is why everything is so crazy!