Monday, June 23, 2008

Is that your Farvenugartenmorg, or are you just happy to see me?



Glorious Monday.

Did you do anything fun this weekend? Get arrested? Have to apologize to the neighbors again? Wake up in your underwear next to a bearded woman in the back seat of your car in the parking lot of an Applebees?

Nope- me neither.




My astoundingly pedestrian weekend, in bullet points for your reading comfort:
  • Started phase 1 of Operation Fix this Fucking House, which involved two trips to IKEA, the purchase of a closet system/armoire thingy (named something like Farvenugartenmorg which is roughly the size of a 50's Cadillac), the partial assembly of said Cadillac, and the realization that we can't finish assembling the Cadillac until I paint the Foyer, so now we are living in a sea of Cadillac parts.
  • Got drunk and blogged.
  • The Mr. and I realized at approximately the same moment (when I was punching my liver and saying "shut up you!") that we reference the Simpsons approximately 5-8 times a day, and we always do it at the same time and giggle like lobotomy patients. We are dorks.
  • Decided that the Lambada (a.k.a "The Forbidden dance") needs a comeback. Working on this one.
  • Didn't run in Grandma's Marathon (or the half, like this brave soul). Didn't even consider running in Grandma's Marathon. Remembered that I don't run unless it involves bacon, vodka, or missing cats.
  • Realized that I was turning into that person when I sat and stared at four nearly identical green-gray paint chips for 10 minutes, noting the subtle differences between them and how this one is a tich more gray, yet this one is a scooch more green...I then punched myself in the face so you wouldn't have to.
  • Started counting down the days until next week, when I am thankfully done teaching my class and my summer of leisure begins. Don't get too jealous- fate has once again decided to kick me squarely in the place where my balls would be if I were a man and actually had the jinglies. Yes folks- I, Whiskeymarie VonPartypants will be doing my civic duty and performing (I'm training with Bela Karolyi as we speak) JURY DUTY. And don't tell me to "just get out of it", o.k? I already did that once, and that's why I got roped into doing it now. Used to be, you just told them you were a commie and got out of it, then you were off the hook until the next time your name came up in the lottery. Not so much now. Now, if you want to be excused you have to list "alternate dates" that you would be available. And, go figure, they want me there on the "alternate dates" I listed. Bastards.
  • Also: Ate sushi, had a lemon drop martini, wrangled cats, ate cheese, shopped online, smelled my finger, cut my bangs too short, sweat a lot, made rhubarb cake, had a fat-free frozen yogurt cone at IKEA, watched the beginning of Battlestar Galactica season 4, cemented my place in the nerd hall of fame, ate prunes, talked to myself a lot, sang songs about cats, washed dishes and forgot to shave my legs.
Happy Monday, my socially stunted, nerdy little Sci-fi aficionados. Happy Monday.

XO

28 comments:

-R- said...

My husband might be one of the attorneys - he has a trial coming up soon. Then you can say you know one of the attorneys, and you will be excused from duty. Or you could stay on the jury and then vote for my husband's side of the case. Just kidding! Jury tampering is bad!

surviving myself said...

I forgot to shave my legs too.

No one thinks I'm pretty now.

:(

McGone said...

I believe "Operation Fix This Fucking House" was also Dick Cheney's favored name for the Iraq War.

Already once this morning I said "I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's," so I too converse in Simpsons quotes daily.

John said...

1. Did you encounter any English-speaking people at Ikea?

2. YOU. ARE. TEACHING. A. CLASS? And how did this piece of information slip by me? I'm telling you, you've got some problems in HR. And what are you teaching? Crazy sexy Goddess coolness? (this cannot be taught, you're either WMVP or you're not) Those chicks are so totally wasting their time.

3. To avoid your civic duty, I'm quite certain all you would need to do is give them this blog address. - No, don't! While I'm sure it would not only excuse you, but in fact, BAN you from jury dury, it would also most likely get you deported...and I would miss you *snif.* : )

Whiskeymarie said...

-r- maybe you can put a good word in for me...

surviving- I still think you're purty.

McGone- I knew you'd understand.

John- 1. Several, but they seemed lost. 2. Yes- a class. It's called "How to correctly stick foreign objects in your nostrils without having to go tot he emergency room 101"
3. I fear I am doomed to jury duty. No escape. If I have them read my blog I fear I would be sent to college again to learn how to write properly. (shudder)

Elise said...

I shaved my legs TWICE. Nyah.

Christy said...

Sounds like you were busy, to say the least. How was IKEA? We just got one here but I haven't been yet.

I have always been "that person" with the paint swatches...and pretty much any decision I have to make(perhaps that's what causes me to have panic attacks?)lol You can punch me in the face now.

Renaissance Woman said...

You have too much fun on the weekends. I have never been called for jury duty and am so JEALOUS! That and the fact that there isn't an IKEA in Denver!

I'm going to work on my weekend line-up. Or at least try blogging drunk!

Butrfly Garden said...

hahaha, we got a bed for my new live-in sibs (newly living in, not newly siblinged) by something of a similar name from Ikea.

And I know a lot of people who have been going in for JD lately! I decided when my time comes, I will just suck it up and go. Unless it's going to make me miss something cool. Like the Office or something.

One lady I work with was on call - then they called her - then the sent her home and told her she was on call again. THAT would piss me off.

Hopefully it will be a good juicy case. Not something stupid.

David said...

We refer to IKEA as "Icky? Yah!" Don't get me wrong, I love the place, I just hate shopping there on a crowded weekend.

Dr Zibbs said...

I agree that the Lambada needs a comeback. What if you started a "Lambada for Cancer" - but instead of cancer, pick one of the funnier diseases? Replace "the forbidden dance" with the "forbidden disease". It sounds dumb but a sick person on one side of a banner and crazy Latino's shakin' it on the other? It can't NOT stage a come back.

gorillabuns said...

I MISS DRUNK BLOGGING!!!

Amaya said...

Ah, Ikea. I was there as well, picking up a book shelf. :D (Oh, not the same one though.. that would be silly. Why would I go all the way to MN when they have one right here in Seattle?)

L Sass said...

I cannot wait for my Mpls IKEA shopping spree come August!

I will get an ice cream cone, too.

kirby said...

If you tell the court you'll do jury duty as long as you can bring your breast feeding tot, they'll drop you faster than grandma's underpants.

Anonymous said...

Why did you smell your finger? Just curious!

Patti

i am playing outside said...

In this post, you managed to talk about The Simpsons, IKEA, bacon and drinking. I love you. If I were nicer, you'd be moved to the top of my blogroll. Buts its alphabetical so you'll stay at the bottom where you truly belong.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I am totally with you on bringing back the Lambada.

EmBee said...

I'm headed to the land of cheap Swedish plastic and pressboard too this week... Gotta get my Swede on!... Gonna get myself a Gorphenshtoppen... Or maybe a Blaskengoofen... Whatever, I'll probably top it all off with some Swedish meatballs with lignonberries... or some such foody thing.

Bubs said...

I worked at the carnival and didn't run away with it. I think I showed remarkable restraint.

Katrin said...

I might be the only one out there, but I think Jury duty would be interesting. Like in the movies! Enjoy it while it lasts... ;)

Moe Wanchuk said...

Uhhhh Whiskey.....Is Lutefisk actually considered Sushi?

Perfectly Shelly said...

hey--I was just on Jury duty! But I thought it interesting and cool. I want to go back.

Dr Zibbs said...

I love this blog. Congratulations, I've just added you to my blogroll.

Wide Lawns said...

Whiskey Marie this is getting out of hand. I just got called to Jury Duty too.

Iheartfashion said...

I've been called for jury duty three times and never picked. I wonder if it was something I wore that screamed "unstable"?

Anonymous said...

Hi Whiskey, I have been a loyal reader (skulker - hehe) of yours for almost a year now, and wanted to warn you that I have just heard of a what is being called a "vishing" scam about jury duty. These bad people will get you to give up very private info by saying you missed court appearance and you now have warrant out for arrest. This usually comes by telephone, and they will want you to verify yourself via SSN. be careful, okay?! Renata1967 in Bloomington, MN.

Failcooks said...

Well, you'll be happy to know that I DANCED THE LAMBADA in Costa Rica. Cross my heart and hope to die. We were at this sweet little salsa place, innocently dancing the night away, and as the band began to pack up and the people began to spill out onto the street, the distinctive strains of Lambada came rushing out of the sound system. I grabbed the closest native (a newfound friend of mine, actually) shoved his knee into my crotch, and spun a few times around the road. So there. The Lambada is BACK! And so am I. Drinkies. Soon.