Thursday, February 28, 2008

Someone poke her with a stick to make sure she's still breathing...


Five things I will not be doing today:

1) Brokering world peace singlehandedly
2) Getting a massage
3) Sipping cocktails by the pool with my manservant, Renaldo
4) Winning the lottery
5) Getting to third base with Clive Owen



Five things I probably (maybe) will be doing today:

1) Eating something I probably shouldn't (any suggestions?)
2) Writing a lame blog post
3) Frittering away my morning doing pretty much nothing, thereby accomplishing exactly zero before work
4) Meowing "Beethoven's 5th" while chasing the cat around the house
5) Buying tickets to see Martin Short! At a casino!

28 comments:

3carnations said...

My husband barked at the dog for about 2 minutes straight one day last week. I think I overheard the dog complain about it to the cat later...

Something you shouldn't eat...Is cannoli an option? I adore cannoli, and haven't had one in so long...Otherwise, how about some onion rings? I think I'm having Taco Bell for lunch...

Inarticulate Fumblings said...

O.k. A few suggestions:

1) Anything with Velveeta. It automatically makes anything healthy, unhealthy.
2) Mission accomplished.
3) Getting that pesky booger out of your nose IS accomplishing something.
4) Nothing wrong with that.
5) I would say go for it... I can't say whether or not it will be good. I saw him in New York after three martinis and had to keep one eye closed to focus. I'm probably not the person to ask.

Whiskeymarie said...

How about velveeta cannoli? Does such a thing exist? Wait! I'm a cook! I could totally make this...

CDP said...

Cannoli! Excellent suggestion...leave the gun, take the cannoli.

If you can find any Zitner's eggs in MN, that's what I'd recommend. They're chocolate eggs that are only sold pre-Easter. The dark chocolate vanilla buttercream egg is the best, followed closely by the Butter Krak egg (similar to the vanilla buttercream but with a toasted rice crackly chocolate coating. Crack indeed)

Nocturnal said...

I'd say chow down on the greasiest fast food you can find, that should do the trick.

Cheers

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Once again I am green with envy, I love Martin Short.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I forgot to tell you, third base with Clive Owen is totally over rated.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Will it be the tiny Martin Short, like in Inner Space?!

-R- said...

I like that smushing your nose is your go-to pose.

punchlinewalking said...

I'm embarassed to admit this, but last night, out of sheer desperation and fear of starvation, I stopped at Wendy's for a Single with Cheese...it was amazing. I would highly recommend it. Maybe you could dip it in velveeta?

teamslinger said...

Too bad about #5 on the first list. I hear Clive Owen likes to vacation in Minnesota, but not sure where you can find him.

Lara said...

I suggest...hmm. I am Little Miss PMS Queen, so just about anything that I shouldn't eat sounds damn delicious right now.

Suze said...

Renaldo and I missed you at the pool today. He really is quite the "manservant". Much better at third base than Clive.

Whiskeymarie said...

I just ate an entire take-out container of chicken pad thai.
It was probably 4500 calories and 134 grams of fat, but it sure was delicious.
Now I'm going to go and look for cake.
No, I'm not pregnant, I have no idea why I'm such a glutton today.
Nor do I care.
Sweet, sweet gluttony...

Mariposa said...

I like Martin Short too! And if you're to eat something that you shouldn't...ahmmm, check McDonald's?! :P

Lollie said...

My current favourite is Salt and Vinegar chips dipped in butter. Try it - you might like it...and then you also might die of a massive coronary like I'm sure I'm going to.

Stacey said...

Eat a pint of Ben & Jerrys Twisted ice cream after getting to 3rd base with Clive Owen
Pure heaven.

Winter said...

Do the above while getting it on with Clive Owen..

Sornie said...

The best totally inappropriate food would be a half-jar of Goobers. It's the abomination of grape jelly infused with stripes of peanut butter and likely tasted like what is left in a chimp's diaper.

Courtney said...

I ate an entire box of girl scout cookies yesterday... you probably shouldn't do that.

lisaschaos said...

Maybe I can bark at my dogs around the house - sounds fun!

Ghost Dansing said...

lady picture show

kat said...

i only have one thing to say to this:

MEOW-MEOW-MEOW MEOOOOOWWWWWWW.
MEOW-MEOW-MEOW MEOOOOOOWWWWWW.
(pause)
meow-meow-meow-meow meow-meow-meow-meow
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOWWWW.
meow-meow-meow-meow meow-meow-meow-meow
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOWWWW.
(pause)
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEOW!
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEOW!
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!
MEOW!
MEOW!

(meowing Beethoven's 5th = not as cool in print.)

Stefanie said...

I thought I had something to say, but then I got distracted by that Girl Scout cookie comment. WHY is the entire Internet teasing me by talking about Girl Scout cookies when MY cookies have apparently not arrived yet?!? I'm gonna have to hunt down that seven-year-old pretty damn soon. I need my Tagalongs, kid.

dguzman said...

Stefanie, I think the kid must've eaten your Tagalongs, because I got my Trefoils and Thin Mints a week ago, and I live in B-F-E.

Now I know the answer to my question: Does anybody ever really get their pictures taken in those old booths anymore?

Landis said...

oh thank god.

i was making out with clive while reading this, and i thought:

lord, this could be AWKWARD!

we only got to second, but that's cause the timer went off.

barbie2be said...

"4) Meowing "Beethoven's 5th" while chasing the cat around the house"

sweet cracker sandwich, i thought i was the only one that did this.

barbie2be said...

oh, wait... it's not beethoven's
5th that i meow. it's ode to joy.