Five things I will not be doing today:
1) Brokering world peace singlehandedly
2) Getting a massage
3) Sipping cocktails by the pool with my manservant, Renaldo
4) Winning the lottery
5) Getting to third base with Clive Owen
Five things I probably (maybe) will be doing today:
1) Eating something I probably shouldn't (any suggestions?)
2) Writing a lame blog post
3) Frittering away my morning doing pretty much nothing, thereby accomplishing exactly zero before work
4) Meowing "Beethoven's 5th" while chasing the cat around the house
5) Buying tickets to see Martin Short! At a casino!
28 comments:
My husband barked at the dog for about 2 minutes straight one day last week. I think I overheard the dog complain about it to the cat later...
Something you shouldn't eat...Is cannoli an option? I adore cannoli, and haven't had one in so long...Otherwise, how about some onion rings? I think I'm having Taco Bell for lunch...
O.k. A few suggestions:
1) Anything with Velveeta. It automatically makes anything healthy, unhealthy.
2) Mission accomplished.
3) Getting that pesky booger out of your nose IS accomplishing something.
4) Nothing wrong with that.
5) I would say go for it... I can't say whether or not it will be good. I saw him in New York after three martinis and had to keep one eye closed to focus. I'm probably not the person to ask.
How about velveeta cannoli? Does such a thing exist? Wait! I'm a cook! I could totally make this...
Cannoli! Excellent suggestion...leave the gun, take the cannoli.
If you can find any Zitner's eggs in MN, that's what I'd recommend. They're chocolate eggs that are only sold pre-Easter. The dark chocolate vanilla buttercream egg is the best, followed closely by the Butter Krak egg (similar to the vanilla buttercream but with a toasted rice crackly chocolate coating. Crack indeed)
I'd say chow down on the greasiest fast food you can find, that should do the trick.
Cheers
Once again I am green with envy, I love Martin Short.
I forgot to tell you, third base with Clive Owen is totally over rated.
Will it be the tiny Martin Short, like in Inner Space?!
I like that smushing your nose is your go-to pose.
I'm embarassed to admit this, but last night, out of sheer desperation and fear of starvation, I stopped at Wendy's for a Single with Cheese...it was amazing. I would highly recommend it. Maybe you could dip it in velveeta?
Too bad about #5 on the first list. I hear Clive Owen likes to vacation in Minnesota, but not sure where you can find him.
I suggest...hmm. I am Little Miss PMS Queen, so just about anything that I shouldn't eat sounds damn delicious right now.
Renaldo and I missed you at the pool today. He really is quite the "manservant". Much better at third base than Clive.
I just ate an entire take-out container of chicken pad thai.
It was probably 4500 calories and 134 grams of fat, but it sure was delicious.
Now I'm going to go and look for cake.
No, I'm not pregnant, I have no idea why I'm such a glutton today.
Nor do I care.
Sweet, sweet gluttony...
I like Martin Short too! And if you're to eat something that you shouldn't...ahmmm, check McDonald's?! :P
My current favourite is Salt and Vinegar chips dipped in butter. Try it - you might like it...and then you also might die of a massive coronary like I'm sure I'm going to.
Eat a pint of Ben & Jerrys Twisted ice cream after getting to 3rd base with Clive Owen
Pure heaven.
Do the above while getting it on with Clive Owen..
The best totally inappropriate food would be a half-jar of Goobers. It's the abomination of grape jelly infused with stripes of peanut butter and likely tasted like what is left in a chimp's diaper.
I ate an entire box of girl scout cookies yesterday... you probably shouldn't do that.
Maybe I can bark at my dogs around the house - sounds fun!
lady picture show
i only have one thing to say to this:
MEOW-MEOW-MEOW MEOOOOOWWWWWWW.
MEOW-MEOW-MEOW MEOOOOOOWWWWWW.
(pause)
meow-meow-meow-meow meow-meow-meow-meow
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOWWWW.
meow-meow-meow-meow meow-meow-meow-meow
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOWWWW.
(pause)
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEOW!
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEOW!
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!
MEOW!
MEOW!
(meowing Beethoven's 5th = not as cool in print.)
I thought I had something to say, but then I got distracted by that Girl Scout cookie comment. WHY is the entire Internet teasing me by talking about Girl Scout cookies when MY cookies have apparently not arrived yet?!? I'm gonna have to hunt down that seven-year-old pretty damn soon. I need my Tagalongs, kid.
Stefanie, I think the kid must've eaten your Tagalongs, because I got my Trefoils and Thin Mints a week ago, and I live in B-F-E.
Now I know the answer to my question: Does anybody ever really get their pictures taken in those old booths anymore?
oh thank god.
i was making out with clive while reading this, and i thought:
lord, this could be AWKWARD!
we only got to second, but that's cause the timer went off.
"4) Meowing "Beethoven's 5th" while chasing the cat around the house"
sweet cracker sandwich, i thought i was the only one that did this.
oh, wait... it's not beethoven's
5th that i meow. it's ode to joy.
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