Monday, February 25, 2008

Dottie Ann Partypants, Winter Park, Florida resident and sexually active senior citizen.

I don't know how he did it, but the wise and all-knowing Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein managed to snag an invite to the lovely city of Winter park, Florida from my reclusive yet fun-loving Great Aunt Dottie.

Dottie has made Winter Park her home since the great blizzard of '72 when her fourth husband, Wilbur, was found frozen like a popsicle in a rather "uncompromising" position with the family's pet sheep, Ewegenia. After Wilbur's untimely demise, Dottie packed it all up into her 1959 Edsel and headed south to bask in the sun and be closer to Kennedy Space Center, where she awaits the eminent return of her one true love, JFK.

Dr. Monkey was kind enough to send me this picture of Dottie's street. Dottie's apartment is upstairs in the blue building. She now makes her living selling hats and hat accessories at the "Hats, hats, hats!" outlet in St. Augustine.

Let's go inside and visit a bit, shall we?

Dottie was "rutabaga queen" in the 1953 rutabaga festival in Askov, Mn- so she likes to keep things a bit formal, her being royalty and all. She's always dressed and has her "face" on.

Hi Dottie!

Her guests barely have time to sit down before she's dragging out the martini shaker and getting things started.
Slow down, Dottie! You do realize that it's only 8:30 a.m, right?
Oh, you're making breakfast martinis? With coffee vodka and cinnamon bun garnish? Sounds great!

See? If we just put it in a teacup no one knows the difference!

Dottie likes to keep her brain active by keeping up with current events. She reads the paper every day. Unfortunately, Dottie is one cheap old bird, and she just keeps reading the same papers over and over.

Wow! Men on the moon? Again?
What a strange and miraculous world we live in!

Hmmm...what's in this other paper?

Finally! I knew that Richard fella was up to no good. He was a bit too "jowly" for my taste.

Time for more "tea".

Mmmm...delicious, delicious 'tea".

Time for exercising! No one wants to see a jiggly Dottie! No sir!
Two minutes a day keeps the flab away!

She wants to look extra foxy tonight as she has a date with a male model!
Stanley models for catalogs, medical brochures and incontinence products. He's a real catch.
Dottie loves a man who appreciates the ease of one-piece dressing as much as she does!

Well, it's been nice to visit, but I've gotta run! I have to get waxed before my big date tonight! Stanley is picking me up at 4;00 for the early-bird special down at the Sizzler, and then it's back to his bachelor pad for a little geriatric lovin'. Oh yeah.

Thanks for stopping by for a visit! And thanks to Dr. Monkey for picking my grand-neice, Whiskeymarie to win his postcard contest! She's a real wiener- oops! I mean wiener.


CDP said...

Dottie seems to have borrowed my Aunt Ruth's glasses. Well, that's OK, Aunt Ruth has died, and she lived in Philadelphia anyway, so there's not much chance she and Dottie would end up at the same early-bird special.

Stacey said...

As always WM, you are in a class all by yourself.
I bow down to you and your awesome awesomeness.

EmBee said...

Don't know if it's the martini's, the old coot in the onsie or the exercisin' but Dottie's pretty well preserved... She must be livin' near the fountain of youth there in Winter Park, FL... Maybe I should look into it?

EmBee said...

Um, I mean St. Auggie... Perhaps her time in Winter Park, MN. helped with the preservation?

Lollie said...

Ummm, it's about the heels on the elliptical machine. I like Dottie, she's crasy with an "s"...

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Priceless. I bow down to that fevered imagination of yours.

McGone said...

Wow, you can really tell you two are related. I mean, sure, the physical resemblance is kind of there, but I was talking more about the booze-in-a-teacup thing.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Is it wrong that I kind of love the diamond cut-outs on that dress? And also your glasses?

One crazy cat lady in the making, coming right up!

Freida Bee, MD said...

Dottie's a hottie!

I admire her gumption!

Sean said...

Glad I am work alone so no one can hear me laughing. Wonderful hilarity Whiskey. Thanks

Ghost Dansing said...

georgy girl

Nocturnal said...

LOL, you nut WM. That pic in St. Augustine is cool, looks like a very quaint place.


gorillabuns said...

I like Aunt Dottie and her teacup martinis. Will you ask her if I can have the dress when she dies? Because I love it.

Fran said...

Now THAT is exactly the sort of "senior" that I want to be.

As always, WhiskeyMarie or some relative blazing the trail for us.

Dr. Zaius said...

How delightful! I would like two of the burgandy jumpsuits, please! (It would be nice if they came in orange.)

NotSoccer Mom said...

hysterical; you should do standup. or make a movie.

Nature Girl said...

OMG you make me laugh! I love you to death!

Chiada said...

It's a tough choice, but I think my favorite is Dottie Exercising. Dang, those are some nice legs, woman!

And, are we related? My mother has that exact same turquoise double dish on the bottom of your red cart with the little gold circle handle. Straaaaange.

H said...

You are so cute. And so creative. I don't know where you come up with this stuff!

dguzman said...

Pure whiskeysome goldenness.

Landis said...

i know. you've missed me. not to fret. i'm back.

i'm starting here, and will pepper you with updates along the way. i'm a giver.

just wanted to point out that i was born on july 20 1969. so dottie is probably reading about my glorious arrival on page 3, editorial opinions, "was that the messiah, or is this landis child just really shiny".