Saturday, February 2, 2008

True tales of things that you probably don't need to know.


I'm a total sucker for 70's TV and movies- the cheesier the better. I don't care if it was a made-for-TV movie about May-December romances starring Abe Vigoda and Kristy McNichol- Well, gosh darn it- I'm in if I've got nothing better to do on a gray Saturday.

So...today, I'm flipping through the channels and happen upon what seems to be a cultured and refined mid-70's cooking/entertaining show. I stopped surfing for a bit and decided to watch.

The lighting was low, the film was grainy, and the narrator talked quietly as we saw two hands at work. The hands lit several candles, presumably to "set the mood", and coffee is shown being brewed.

(narrator, in a near-whisper)
"The coffee is slowly filtered in order to extract the essence of the ground beans"

(We see the hands place the coffee pot on the candlelit table, presumably as an after-dinner, pre-bow-bow-chicka-chicka drink.)

"The coffee is then allowed to cool to room temperature."

Huh?

(We see the hands assembling some medical-looking tubes and valves)

"The coffee is allowed to run through the tubing in order to extract all of the air before insertion."
Um...what?

"The valve is then prepared for careful insertion into the rectum."

Ahhh...(mouth hanging open stupidly)

"The coffee enema is an essential part of Dr. So-and-so's approach to healing."

Turns out, I was watching a documentary on some doctor that allegedly healed people of things like cancer and chronic yeast infections through a very unique approach involving juicing, supplements, and shooting a grande americano up one's bum.

I'm off coffee for a long while, it seems.

19 comments:

Christa said...

incidentally, drinking coffee while reading. eeks.

Mathman6293 said...

High colonics for all.

Flenker said...

I think that cooling part is probably the most important step.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I always knew coffee was good for something.

Grant Miller said...

I've heard of this. Never done it. Can't go wrong with Kristy Mc, though.

BadWims said...

hmmm, I think I'll just keep putting the coffee in the talk hole.

Fran said...

I am sorry, I have too many issues to consider taking my coffee that way...

Freida Bee, MD said...

I don't know quite what to say about the coffee thing except that I have done that. Seriously, at the recommendation of an alternative practitioner many years ago. I can say I don't have the condition I went to see her for.

On a nearly less embarrassing note, I had someone take a line on my facebook page too seriously and I recieved ALL of the Captain and Tenille shows in DVD form from a Secret Santa recently. I know.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I must know the name of this show. Pretty please.

Inarticulate Fumblings said...

Bottoms Up... on a number of levels.

Katrin said...

Gross. But, if it helps! :(

fairlane said...

Back in my college days, I took a class taught by a former profiler for the FBI, "Sociology of Deviant Behavior."

He had us watch, among many disturbing things, a man giving himself a Champagne enema while sitting in a bathtub.

Apparently he got his jollies doing such things, but unfortunately for him, Champagne enemas get one very drunk, very quickly.

The last part of the video showed the man slowly sinking into the water where he subsequently drowned.

The housekeeper, in complete shock I'm sure, found him, and the no longer running video camera the next morning.

He never said if champagne enemas are an effective treatment for cancer.

Whiskeymarie said...

O.k, champagne enemas win.

I love the champagne, but I would still much rather drink it.
Seems like a waste the other way...

Nature Girl said...

sheesh...all I have to do is drink the stuff for the same effect...why would I want to have it shot up my backside? Yikes!
Stacie

Stefanie said...

Oh my god; I actually saw the SAME SHOW a few months ago! And I was as unsuspecting as you were as to what it was really about. It was disgusting and yet also fascinating, wasn't it? I'll admit I didn't turn it off immediately.

3carnations said...

Well, at least they cooled it first...

CDP said...

I'm laughing at 3carnations' comment. And I'm in the middle of a cup of coffee (taken in the more conventional way, just to clarify)

Mariposa said...

I would love to see that film! :D

dguzman said...

a. Totally jealous of fairlane's class with an FBI profiler

b. wondering where I can get that "made-for-TV movie about May-December romances starring Abe Vigoda and Kristy McNichol" on Beta! not to mention all the Captain and Tenille shows on DVD! Hello, Amazon!

c. hoping I NEVER get cable TV so I NEVER have to accidentally happen on this "documentary" you talked about.