Friday, June 22, 2007
Reason #125 why I have no friends.
I have never IM'd.
Nor have I ever sent a text message.
I doubt I ever will. My fingers are way too big for the tiny buttons. It's like a bear typing with mittens on.
But, I have become aware that, unless I want to appear to others as a 79-year old yarn store employee, I may need to at least attempt to figure out what those rotten kids are up to these days.
I am one of those old fogies that generally, unless I'm schnockered, tends to use complete words to speak.
I am somewhat lost in the sea of acronyms used for these baffling forms of communication.
"OMG, My BFF went HGBK it MMB 2UR LOL 8GUG 2U!!! WTF???
I am ashamed to say I have no idea what most of this crap means.
WTF??? - this one is easy
OMG- got it.
BFF- Shit, this one has been around since, like, 1984.
LOL- At first I thought this one was "lots of luck", so it never made sense.
The rest, well... the rest is gibberish. (Really, it is. I don't even know enough of these to follow through with a proper rant. I made most of this crap up. SHT.)
As I am wont to do, I shall refuse to learn this "language". I am a mover, a shaker, a real "go-getter", if you will. I cannot be bothered with something that is already past it's cool peak.
Move along, you dinosaur and make way for the rocket car!
I have decided to start my own acronym revolution. I predict that within minutes of my hitting "publish", millions, maybe even TENS of people will be speaking my language fluently.
I shall call it "Whiskeymarie's Helpful Acronyms Take The Halting Eloquence From Understanding Conversations Kindly"
Or, WHATTHEFUCK, for short.
Try incorporating these into everyday conversation:
WAMP = Where are my pants?
MOON = Making out on Naugahyde
IFGDT = I'm feeling gamey down there
CY = Check Yo'self
PEE = Pre-Entanglement Engagement
POOP = Precipitation On Ovaries and Pooner
TYTE = Takin' your tits everywhere
MY = Makin' yummers
OY = Over You
FUCK = Funny Underpants you Can't Keep
GAYA = Goin' Atkins on Yo' Ass
Here's some guidance on how to incorporate this futuristic lingo into everyday conversation:
"I know you've got the FUCK and you're TYTE, but I am so OY that I'm GAYA and MOON that this morning I woke up thinking WAMP?
Work it into the everyday conversation.
Trust me, it's going to be bigger than the Rubik's cube.