Thursday, June 7, 2007
I need to go camping like I need a punch in the face.
Against my better judgment- I, Whiskeymarie, wearer of defective heels and lover of flushing, well equipped toilets...
I am going camping this weekend.
Off to picturesque Madeline Island, on beautiful but rudely cold Lake Superior, to be exact.
A group of my friends have been going there every year at this time for something like 15-20 years. Seriously. The entire campground is reserved for this purpose.
The purpose being everyone hanging out shitfaced all weekend and hopefully executing alcoholically inspired asshattery.
The only other time I've joined in on this mess was 2 years ago. It was pouring rain the whole time. I was scared our tent would slide down the hill it was perched on and my soggy, drunk/hungover body would be found days later, partially eaten by raccoons.
Also, last time I went I punched a total stranger in the face. I don't remember this event, per se,
but I've been told it was very entertaining. Poor guy.
Hey- you! The random guy I punched? Sorry. Again. I guess I thought you were this guy.
Maybe this year you can punch me- then we'll be even.
I'm no quitter, dammit, so I'm braving the treacherous and wild landscape of the public campground by myself. My Mr. will be helping his brother and his brother's lovely wife, Maurey, build their new car cabin this weekend.
I decided that rather than risk carpentry, I would go camping.
That, and I promised to bake a b-day cake for two of the camping party's old-timers that are turning 40 this year.
Oddly enough, many years ago I spent considerable naked wrestling time with one of the birthday boys, and have, at the very least (that I can remember) made out with the other.
What a slut.
The cake is going to involve penises as they both have been giant cocks at one point in their lives or another (they would be the first to admit it). One white, one African-American, to represent my boys and their "boys".
I need to do a little planning first. I'm just not sure what direction my artistic vision will go in quite yet.
Trust me, I know both of their wives. They will approve. Wholeheartedly.
I will take a picture once my vision comes to fruition.
I am also going to use this weekend as an excuse to indulge in mountains of food containing ingredients with more than 16 letters in them. And judging by how much I bought, I will be feeding everyone. On the island.
What I have so far in the camping grocery stockpile:
Nacho cheez Doritos
Top the tater
2 cans Pringles (Jalapeno & cheddar flavors)
Spicy Chicken sausages
Whole wheat buns (I thought that was funny- whole wheat. Like it matters at this point)
Starbucks Iced coffee (Light) in the can (this stuff is like crack to me)
Block of Colby
Fluorescent orange Nacho cheese in the can
3 different cold salads from Kowalski's (2 pasta, one couscous)
diet 7-up (for mixing purposes only)
Vitamin Water (Energy flavor)
Plain bottled water
Block of lard to suck on between meals
Flask of whiskey (Windsor- duh.)
Tiny bottle Absolut (necessary portion control measures being taken here)
Oh, and an orange and 2 apples. They're pretty much just for show.
Something tells me I should probably pack this.
And maybe this.
And when the weekend is over, I may need this.