Thursday, November 6, 2008

Mavis, no one cares about your mad scrapbooking skillz. Seriously.

Can't talk. Working. 13-14 hour day. Argh. I'm tired, I need sugar, and I have to pee.


Talk amongst yourselves.

Just watch what you say- this nice couple from South Dakota doesn't need to hear about your vagina again, and they REALLY don't want to hear that story involving the hookers from Amsterdam, the kilo of hash and the jar of vaseline.

Bob here enjoys reading the new Testament, long walks in the corn fields, sock suspenders and going to bed early after a nice bowel movement.

Mavis likes to knit sweaters for kitties, ribbon candy, nice orlon underwear with plenty of coverage and online gambling.

They sure are a nice couple, that Bob and Mavis.

27 comments:

Some Guy said...

That's funny. The whole suitcoat/turtleneck combo would have led me to believe that Bob was some kind of swinger.

John said...

Are Bob and Mavis by chance the patriarch/matriarch of the royal VonPartypants family?

Fine stock, those VonPartypants people. Good teeth.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mavis: Bob! We're on the Internet!
Bob: Did we win something?
Mavis: I don't know...it.. looks like...we're getting made fun of.
Bob: Get my gun.

Bubs said...

I'd like to see them get freaky after a couple of strong sidecars.

My word verification was "dinge"

Poobomber said...

You forgot to mention Bob likes spanking and hardcore assplay and anal, while Mavis likes double penetration and dirty sex with strangers.

They're the perfect couple.

They thank Jesus every time when Bob can pick up a hitchhiker leaving Mt. Rushmore, bring him home, tie him up, and he and Mavis can get their freak on.

Mavis usually brings out the whips and paddles for Bob, who in return dresses up in his leather gimp costume and turns on Hank William Jr. music for the occasion.

Sometimes Bob dresses the hitchhiker up in Mavis's underwear while they fool around, then usually they kill the hapless hitchhiker and bury him between the cornrows.

Sometimes they will take tender parts of the hitchhiker's body and make them into a nice potato stew that they then take to the Sunday potlucks, when they're on. When Mavis feels adventurous, sometimes she even adds sweet potatoes into her fantastic stews!

Rarely does Mavis not receive a compliment on her famous stew, and often she reluctantly gives out her recipe to adoring peers, and of course she giggles to herself on the inside when she tells them "beef strips" instead of what the star ingredient actually is - not because she's evil, but because without knowing the correct recipe, she will always remain the "Stew Queen" of Rapid City.

Bob also like painting landscapes.

H said...

MOM?!?! DAD?!?!

Kate said...

Orlon. You just made my day.

Shannon Erin said...

That's it, I'm naming my next girl dog Mavis in honor of all online gambling, double-penetration loving, orlon underwearing Stew Queens.

I think Bob's eyes are following me. **shudders**

Siana said...

Look, if I can't discuss the hookers from Amsterdam then there is really no reason for me to be here.

Winter said...

Amen Charm City, amen.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Boy that Mavis looks like a lovely woman. I think we could possibly be friends, as I also enjoy ribbon candy. Bob, on the other hand, is another story. I have learned the hard way never to trust a man who wears sox suspenders.

Ten Bucks said...

I just got a scrapbook from my boyfriend's sister for my birthday.

Not that that particular piece of information has anything to do with your post, I just had to share because its soooooo sad that this is my life now.

180|360 said...

I wish I could crawl around in your head for a little while. I just LOVE the way you put words together.

Gwen said...

Ya know, Darlene, the one whose sister-in-law lives over there by Bob and Mavis? She said there's all kinda weirdos in and out of there AT ALL HOURS. Makes ya wonder, doanit? I heard they're growing the marijuana in there when I was at the Piggly Wiggly on Sunday. I was picking up a chuck roast because the kids were coming for dinner and I heard the butcher telling that whore Sandy Frankl. Baby Jesus in a manger bein' looked over by an ass, I hate that bitch.

Moe Wanchuk said...

If I could take Bob's hat.....and stick it on my bald head, I could walk around n*ked and no one would even notice my "petiteness"

Fran said...

Damn! I sent you that photo of my husband and me and asked you NOT to put it on your blog. I even said please if I recall directly.

What is with you???

punchlinewalking said...

Man, how skinny does your neck have to be for your turtleneck to be loose??

Renaissance Woman said...

I agree with punchlinewalking...I mean really?

i am playing outside said...

aaw, they're cute that Bob and Mavis!

Mommy Lisa said...

orlon undies. hee hee.

McGone said...

A good bowel movement is nothing to make fun of at that age, young lady.

Angela said...

I KNEW you were holding a past-middle-age christian couple hostage in your basement! I just KNEW it!

nancypearlwannabe said...

Don't you hate those days? Hope it wasn't too terrible!

surviving myself said...

Those are totally your parents.

Kim said...

Everyone's already left witty and funny comments. This is what happens when I don't read your blog for a day. I suck.

Falwless said...

That is the best picture on the innernets.

Sornie said...

Strangely enough, I am alot like BOb. I, too, enjoy a healthy poop before retiring for the evening at the late hour of 8:15 pm.