- My arms are sore today even though the most strenuous thing I did yesterday was lift a forkful of french toast into my pie-hole.
- In the four years I have been at my present job, we have had no less than 5 different types of toilet paper dispensers in the women's washrooms.
- People who wear flip flops with a winter coat in November in MN.
- That whenever a co-worker starts a sentence with "I hate to bother you, but..." the next 5-15 minutes of your life are going to totally suck donkey balls.
- The fact that I haven't french kissed my new, hot pink Kipling bag yet ($30 on ebay, suckas!).
- the fact that I've been at work since 6:45 a.m, and yet I still have another 6-7 hours left before I'm done. It's 2:02 in the afternoon now. Tomorrow? Repeat.
- Turns out, overall in the big scheme of things, I'm not a huge fan of sandwiches. This surprises even me.
- How much I like writing with a freshly sharpened pencil.
- That, upon learning that one of my students (as told to another student and overheard by a fellow instructor) occasionally will shit in his own hands while in the shower just so "he can wash it off right there" did not surprise me, knowing this student even minimally.
Happy Monday, my poopy little French toast monkeys. Happy Monday.
Wow. I totally want to trade lives with you right now, a la Wife Swap or some such, except I'm intimidated by Minnesota's weather and I think that it would be more fun (and drunk) if we were on the beach somewhere, so whattya say? I mostly just want to get to be a teacher and not like sandwiches.
At least the guy is clean.
I'd hate to see what his fingernails look like.
When I was four, I was in the bathroom with some kid and he shit in his pants then dropped it in the toilet. I remember thinking, "Please don't let this be the way I'm supposed to be doing this."
I hope he didn't use those hands to wash the rest of his body.
I got lost after the "hot pink Kipling bag". Everything else is just a blurr.
$30?? Much better than the $$$ for the hot pink Balenciaga I've been eyeballing. It's the color I hunger for.
Your day sounds way better than mine.
But I must say that I also question whats up with the toilet paper dispenser industry. Why is it that public washrooms look like a stabbing victim, because there are about 12 sets of holes drilled into the wall from dispensers gone by? And why are there so many types of dispenser? Is toilet paper that important that there's a multi-billion dollar industry in dispensing products?
Also, sandwiches rocked my world. Except for the ones I just blogged about. Go there and read. Now! :D
Oddly enough, my arms have been aching the past few weeks when I wake up. I can't figure out what is causing it either. As far the showering pooper, I don't know what you teach, but I sure hope it isn't cooking. Hello, Hepatitis.
Yes, yes- I do teach cooking.
I fear for us all.
Every 5 seconds I yell at this guy to wash his hands- he thinks I have it out for him, mostly because I do. And I will never, ever eat anything he makes.
And yes, he's an adult. And no, I can't fail him for this.
Yummmm, french toast. And very cute bag!
Well Whiskey, you just confirmed my germaphobe friend's biggest fear about eating in resataurants with that shit-in-his-hands story. I won't be passing this onto her so she can continue to live in peace (and denial). And of course this is a woman who is the pickiest eater in the world and tells waitstaff right up front she's going to be a "difficult" customer. I've tried warning her, but she won't listen to me. I'm guessing she's eaten a lot of spit in her time.
Just so you know the only thing in that list that people will be able to focus on is that "shit" thing. I can't erase the mental image from my brain no matter how hard I'm trying.
Maybe you should have put it in the middle like after the toilet paper thing...yeah it would have fit nicely there...
Oh and I must say I adore how you have me listed in your blogroll ;)
What if the sandwich was made of two pieces of French Toast with sausage in the middle? Or a bacon sandwich with bacon replacing both pieces of bread?
Sorry - I work for the Sandwich lobby, and you're threatening my livelihood.
I saw a guy wearing a winter coat, stocking cap and flip flops the other day and felt that I had the right to bash him upside the head with a shovel just on pure principle. Alas, he ran away, the sound of his inappropriate footwear flippity floopity fading into the distance...
I'm not even addressing your final point. Nuh-uh.
I was enjoying this post right up until the poo. I'm going to try to unremember this now.
I'm stunned by that last fact. Stunned.
While completing my continuing education requirments, I recently learned that a burrito is not a sandwich and vice versa. Just thought you should know. In case you are ever considering opening a burrito shop near a sandwich shop. hehe.
I'm new here. Hi.
When I was in the military I had to take a psychological evaluation to see if I had the proper mentality to tell the difference between right and wrong when it came to whether or not to shoot someone. One of the questions asked numerous times in different ways was whether I had ever had black, tarry(?) bowel movements.
I have no idea what they wanted to hear but I got the job later discovering that serial killers and mass murderers seem to have some kind of obsession with their own feces.
You might want to watch that student. yikes.
EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!
WTF?!? is up with that dude? Omg! And after simstone's comment? EEEKS!
simstone- I already watch him like a hawk (kind of for the "freak" factor, but also the poo), but now I'll be using my serial detector skillz to create a profile. I could totally see this dude making shades out of skin.
And...welcome. I'd like to say that I don't regularly post about unsavory bodily functions, but I'd totally be lying.
Ballerinatoes- Not so much on sandwiches, but my love of the burrito is deep. Very deep. Thou shalt not forsake of thou's buitto. In the name of our father chipotle, amen.
The perils of french toast have to be experienced to be believed...
I just don't think I'd be able to look at this student's work objectively ever again, after such a revelation. That's why I don't teach anymore: shower shitters.
You're so right about sentences which starts with "I hate to bother you..."
And I also like writing with a freshly sharpened pencil.
I'm disturbed by the guy that poops in his hands. . . However, I had a boyfriend that used to pee in the shower as opposed to getting out of the shower if he had to go. Kind of gross, but I did see where the shower would wash down the pee like he would suds up again after he did it. Still disgusting now that I think about it.
Marie, look up the term "poop jack." Or ask that student. He can tell you.
The french toast lift. I should do it more often for buff arms.
The poop in the hands thing. Yeah. I'm not quite sure what to do with that information. But, it's good to have. Just in case.
w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wait a minute. that student is a culinary student, right? if so, please oh please oh please WM, in the name of all that is clean and sanitary in this world, do all within your power to ensure this poop-paw-er does not graduate and go on to become a food service worker in an establishment that serves food to the public. please. thank you. and i'm gonna go puke now.
I bet that student becomes president one day.
Wait, that joke works better when Bush is the president. Fuck. Well, he's still there, right? So I'm sticking with it then.
d&d- in the interest of being diplomatic and gentle, I will put it this way:
Dude is more likely to win a "Darwin Award" than "Top Chef".
Dude would lose at tic-tac-toe to a bag of hammers.
Dude blinks and gets lost.
In other words, I wouldn't worry too much about his potential to be a culinary superstar. Or taco jockey. Or pizza slinger. Or sandwich artist...
Third bullet - I used to ponder the same thing when we lived in Maine.
I was with you up until the very end...really! Who does that? And even more important...where will he be working? Worried about him touching food after the shower.
Serial killers are often fecalpheliacs? Great, that bit of information will never leave my brain. Ever.
I sure do hope my daughter gets over her shitting issues before she starts cooking classes.
He's lying about the shitting thing. It actually takes a lot longer to wash it off that way.
So much talk of poo lately... I can't seem to escape it...
I would stay far far away from anything that student makes.
i think they've all missed the point.
you scored on ebay.
and you like the smell of fresh cut lead in the morning.
I thought the sandwich one was going to be the most curious item in that list, but then you got to that last one. What the...???
Oh, now THATs a bad mental picture. I have three teenagers and this BETTER not be a practice in MY SHOWER.
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