Friday, November 7, 2008

Next week I'm just posting my grocery list and calling it a day.

Random bits on a snowy Friday (and I know I was tagged eleventy billion years ago by Mojito and someone else for a "random" meme. I am lame and hopefully this will count. If not, please contact my "people" and they will arrange to have a nice underpants bouquet sent to your house)

I will arrange them in bullet form so as not to leave a mark, much like beating you with a sock full of oranges:
  • I have been working 13-14 hour days this week, but I have today off, thank the almighty McGone. I used to work stretches like this no problem, but after this week I am pooped, brain-dead and limping. Seriously. Limping. I need a freaking Hoveround.
  • I ate that egg/whole wheat pasta/chickpea combo for breakfast again today. I know this is weird, but that's the joy of being a grown up- I can eat pancakes for lunch like poobomber, or I can eat beans and pasta for breakfast. Maybe I'll eat Lik-m-Aid for Dinner.
  • It's snowing again today. This makes me happy. It has been very warm for November, but the heat has been on at work anyways. By the end of my 13-14 hour days this week I was shiny, frizzy, and uncomfortably damp in all of my dark regions.
  • The cats are going in for a checkup tomorrow, and when the office called to confirm their appointment the last thing she said was "And don't forget to bring in a fresh stool sample for each of them!" in a cheery voice. Um...seriously? I don't know if I am woman enough to try and catch my kitties' fresh poo and put it in a jar. I'm pretty sure that if I do this I am officially 100% pride-free. Finally! Gah, I am so grossed out right now.
  • I always knew I walked faster than 99.9% of the rest of the population, but I realized this week that sometimes I walk really stiffly and lean forward a bit as well. I caught my reflection in a window and was horrified. God, I'm like a sweaty, clomping giraffe.
  • I'm making cookies today. And soup. And maybe bread. And if I have time, maybe I'll forage in the woods for berries, mill my own flour, kill and prepare a duck for roasting and loom several yards of my own fabric. Just kidding- I don't have time to make bread today.
  • I'm posting my "to do" list for the weekend here so that maybe for once I'll get it all done. I've been told that shame is a powerful motivator for some people, but I'm too lazy to look up this "shame" thing on the Wikipedia. I'll assume it involves nudity, an audience and flourescent lights, which is a perfectly fine motivator for me. To do:
  1. Paint the dining room
  2. Find homes for all of my homeless clothes. Adopt them out to hobos if necessary.
  3. Put cat poop in a jar
  4. Eat cheese
  5. Paint my manky toenails
  6. Order curtains
  7. Refinish buffet in dining room
  8. Sexually assault the Mr.
  9. rake leaves
  10. buy end table, storage unit and lamps for living room
  11. Get haircut or buy Flowbee
  12. Do kegels
  13. Organize pantry
  14. buy new slippers
  15. Pluck that hair
  16. Learn Spanish
  17. get more fiber in my diet
  18. Research fiber content of common cheeses
  19. buy a frivolous article of clothing in a difficult color
  20. Paint the kitchen
  21. Replace kitchen floor
  22. Order carpet for hall/guest bedroom
  23. Install new flooring in bedroom & walk-in closet
  24. Take up smoking
  25. Wear high heels to make breakfast
  26. Dust/sweep/vacuum
  27. Laundry
  28. Craig's list a bunch of crap I'm getting rid of
  29. Master the art of origami
  30. Take a nap
  31. Take 687 photos of the cats
  32. Make something interesting for dinner
  33. Dislodge that thing from my ear
  34. Wash windows
  35. Re-enact musical numbers from Xanadu while wearing roller skates and a blonde wig
I see no reason why I can't finish this list. It'll be a snap.

Happy friday, my ambitious little list-maker heart-breakers. Happy Friday.



Jocelyn said...

Master the oragami first then you'll have something "neat" to hand the vet tech.

OOOOhh!! Oragami a dragon, insert turd, light on fire. Very realistic and such talent!

Enjoy the weekend!

180|360 said...

#2 is my favorite.

Gwen said...

#16 is all for me, isn't it? It looks like you've got a lot to do so you can skip that one. I'll always love you, even if English is your official language.

H said...

Pfft...I did all this last night.

pistols at dawn said...

That list must have taken longer to write than all the things I had to do today. I am so good at abject sloth.

John said...

You only said eat cheese once. :( You didn't even say what kind of cheese.

LegalMist said...

When I was in 8th grade, my "public speaking" teacher, Mrs. Gainey, used to walk like you -- stiffly, fast, and bent forward. She also leaned around the corners, presumably for better balance and traction so she didn't have to slow down.

hoosier dad said...

I'd like to know how you are going to do all of this and not take one single deucer. For me, nothing brings on a shite like man-kegals (they exist), getting more fiber, smoking, and Xanadu.

Explain away, sil vous plait.

John said...

Please send homemade bread to my mail hole.

patsy said...

you are much more motivated that i! but you forogt the drink copious amounts of wine to-do! oh wait - that is my list

Dr Zibbs said...

#25 - Oh behave.

dguzman said...

Whiskey, I gotta hand it to you; even on your sweatiest dark-region days, you can still post a gut-bustingly high-larious post.

You rock my world. For reals.

Sornie said...

Pluck that hair

I hope that it's only one, not just a planned thinning of the hair growing from some neck mole.

gorillabuns said...

I think "manky" might be my new favorite word!

Renaissance Woman said...

Number 25...done! Good luck with the rest of that list. By the time it's done you will beg for a 14-hour work day.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I think the power of the Kegel exersise is one of the world's best kept secrets. You go girl!

I also wanted to let you know you have been nominated on my blog for your mad commenting skillzz. Check it out and could you share the wealth? You must have hundreds of killers to choose from.

Kim said...

I'm making cookies tomorrow too! They're so good, I call them the Crack Cookies. I don't make them all summer because my ancient oven heats up my whole prehistoric house, so I'm very excited to have them in my life again.

Why can't I read the word "kegel" without doing one?

McGone said...

A.) I'm liking this whole "McGone-synonymous-for-Christ" thing. It's sacrilegiously fun!

B.) I'm not liking it as much as #25.

WendyB said...

"Dark regions" -- tell us more about them.

enc said...

Shame is an illusion!

All you really need to do to be a whole person is #4.

Falwless said...

Holy shit, this is way better than my to-do list. Mind if I steal this? I'll just have to cross off anything having to do with a form of cleaning.

CDP said...

I've barely looked at my toenails since September. Prompted by this list, I just did. Manky. Damn it.

Failcooks said...

I actually did a kegel after reading line #12. It's like those bumper stickers that read "breathe."

Kim said...

Whoa, I found your comments on my blog and now feel like I've been paid a visit by a rock star. Because I have!
This is exciting because in real life I would not be cool enough to hang out with you. God bless the internet.

Gwen said...

I nominated you again in the "funny comment" contest over at Candy's Daily Dandy. Now please stop telling lies about me at the grocery.

Landis said...

so . . . just out of curiousity . . .how'd this whole list thing go for ya? huh?