Friday, August 29, 2008
I can't quit you.
O.k, this is awkward.
When we last spoke, I sort of "hit and ran".
I dumped a dark, quick, and cryptic post in your laps, then disappeared into the woods to live off of the land, write my long-awaited political manifesto and make squirrel casseroles.
I partook of your hospitality and then left a turd in your toilet before running out the door. Sort of a metaphysical "dine and dash", if you will.
If this post were a date between you and I, it would be that uncomfortable second attempt at a "real date" after we already had impulsive, drunken sex in the bathroom at that restaurant on our first one. We don't know what to say since we didn't bother with formalities and jumped right into pantsless frolicking.
I don't know what to say to you right now.
I'm overwhelmed at the response to my last post, to be honest. The very fact that so many of you took the time to comment and say nice things to me when you don't even know the details of the situation is just amazing, touching, and pretty much exactly what I needed to get through the last 10 days. I'm still going to emphasize that I don't feel like I deserve any of this kindness, but at the same time I'm so very grateful to have y'all. You complete me. You are the ebony to my ivory. I'm a little bit country, you're a little bit rock n' roll.
I don't know that things are any better right now, but I'm at least at a place where it isn't so fresh and raw. My future is still very uncertain, and I pretty much still exist on a steady diet of fear, humiliation and self-loathing. But...for now, I'm at least at a point where I am ready to face this, own it, and do whatever I have to do to fix whatever I can in this very daunting mess. I will not make excuses, and I will not dismiss my complete and total responsibility for whatever my fate may be.
I dug my hole, now I need to find a shovel, fill the hole up with the manure and dirt that is my life, and then I need to plant some nice flowers and maybe some tomatoes too. I like tomatoes.
Sorry to be so vague, but that's just how it's going to have to be. This is intensely personal.
In what capacity, I don't know.
I just need to get back into something that at least resembles what my life was and should be. I need to think and talk about other things, other aspects of my existence. I need a sense of normalcy right now, in whatever way the word "normal" applies to me.
I don't even know how to thank you all for the comments you left. Normally in a situation like this I'd bake you a cake or something. You like cake, right?
I guess all I can say is thank you- every single comment and every single e-mail made a difference. You guys made me cry (in a good way) more than once. I am more grateful for having this outlet, this "place" than you will ever know. The very fact that you can muster up care and good wishes for someone that most of you have never met just leaves me speechless and very much humbled.
I still may not feel like I deserve any of this, yet I am so very, very glad that you were there for me. I owe you all so much right now. If I were there with you now I'd give you a big kiss and a hug where I let my hand drift down towards your butt ever so gently before I give your right cheek a little love squeeze.
All I can say is thank you- I owe you one.
Now- we'll move on and talk about other things for a while. Simpler things. Nice things.
I miss you- let's never be apart this long again, o.k?
Happy Friday, my little love-filled, sparkly leprechauns. Happy Friday.
Posted by Whiskeymarie at 8:59 AM
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Can you make it up to us by baking a cake?
Glad to hear you're still insane despite whatever it is you're going through. It's also reassuring to know you haven't been locked up in a Mexican prison.
I hope everything goes well for you.
I'd settle for some pretty cake pictures and a recipe. I'm easy.
I'm glad you're back. :)
I just knew that if we could get to 100 comments you'd come back. Mostly because I know how easy you are. I read it in a bathroom, which makes it true, right?
Welcome home. Love ya!
When one blogger hurts all bloggers hurt.
I'm not one in to the whole touchy feely thing so no need for the hugging and kissing. Though, I may take a raincheck on the butt squeeze.
I am so glad to hear you're working your way through it. I've missed hearing from you, and thought about you nearly every day. Keep plugging, Lady!
It is a very happy Friday, indeed, now that you're back, WM! Oh how we've missed you!
Now it's time for us to gossip about everything you've missed!
I've had you in my thoughts regularly since reading your last post. You totally deserve all the love, regardless of what has happened!
I missed your last post while I was on vacation, so I want to echo everyone's support and love. I hope whatever you're dealing with becomes easier with time. Know that you bring a lot of people a lot of joy with your words here and we all wish nothing but the same for you.
Even tho I didn't comment on the last post, I did read them all.
I would have added my words of support, but the words always sound so trite to me.
I've had rough patches and thankfully folks around to help me through, but the words were always the same.
I've had you in my thoughts, and I've been back every day, hoping to find you typing again.
You made my day. Hell, my year. Even tho I've been around a short time, seeing you in pain and having you 'leave me' wasn't good for me.
So, let me throw my hat into the ring and say, if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.
i see some tomatoes over there, just to the right, in that sunny spot.
So glad to have you back. I hope things are getting better. Hang in there. Whatever it is I know you will get through it. You are no wimp!
Have a great weekend!
Michelle in Ohio
Our Cult Leader is Back! Thanks Whiskey.
Your Everyday Humor makes me laugh and smile and think. Welcome Back.
Thank you for making me (and all the others I suppose) the "rock n' roll" half of our "little bit country, little bit rock n' roll" relationship.
Welcome back. Don't ever scare me like that again.
Btw, I took a stab at the problem and thought you might need a kidney or something so I sent one of mine to you. Just return it when it shows up, would you? K. Thanks.
Have a good weekend Whiskey! We missed you. Hope all is better dear. Take care of yourself!
Welcome back Whiskey!
Whiskey, I have two words for you. Bubble.Up. (go to my blog for more info). Also, we are grateful that you missed us as well. But, to get more specific, did I make it on your top 10 list of who you missed the most? If you're uncomfortable saying yes, do it in code. Either way, welcome back and take care.
Welcome back Whiskey. I am glad you are back, I missed reading and seeing your craziness. And I will echo what a few others have said, a picture of cake would be good enough and maybe a recipe too.
Welcome back - it's so nice to hear you trying to put one foot in front of the other. That is really the only thing that any of us can do...hang in there. And I would so love a cake, maybe red velvet!
Yes, welcome back indeed, WM! Just when we were getting to second base and you go and run off like that. I'm so glad to know you are hanging in there. God bless all the well wishers on this complicated series of pipes and tubes the Info Superhighway is built upon. I'm glad the messages gave you just that little bit of strength. Keep your head up and we'll keep trying to make you laugh, we promise.
(Okay, okay, *I* promise. Those other losers can suck it.)
First of all, I heard something about cake, which is the only reason I ever get out of bed in the morning.
And then I heard something about second dates, which confuses me: there are second dates? What must that be like?
Also, though generic words of well-wishery always strike me as very...not me, but also not particularly helpful, I will try anyway with this: the world's full of people that won't ever take your side, and they don't need you as an ally. However, given the like 100 comments on your last post, the world's full of people on your side, too, which is pretty rad.
The one fiction we should all allow ourselves is the belief that tomorrow will be better. Here's hoping for you, my dear.
Welcome back. Everything will turn out OK, especially the tomatoes. If not, do what I do and go out back and chop firewood....or maybe hit the IKEA store again.
Awesome. I knew the picture of Caesar and George would get you back somehow. All part of my master plan. Mwa ha ha!
WOW, can't believe you're back. Last night I saw you were up to 96 comments and some crazy deluded readers thought that if you just hit 100 you'd return. I said no way, but peeked in today just to see if I might possibly have been wrong. Happy surprise - I was. Warning...... Don't take any stock tips from me.
I'm so happy to see you back to posting and feeling a little better. Missed you lots.
And speaking of tomatoes, guess what I just ate..from my garden before reading your post? A tomato. My very first sun-ripened, tender, sweet tomato with avocado on toast. It was delch!
First Obama is nominated,now Whiskey's back. Who says miracles can't happen. USA! USA! USA!
Even if it doesn't feel like it, we almost all land on our feet. Good luck dealing with whatever it is, and have as much of a shiny, happy weekend as you possibly can!
Whatever whatever - you are much beloved by us and we is one bad ass mothahfreekin posse... so we've got your back. And your front. And your sides.
And your heart.
Hearting you hard!
Umm, yeah, about the cake - you have my address, don't act like you lost it. I'm home all the time now so I'll just be on the lookout for the pink cake box weilding postman, thank you.
About the needing to talk about something else? I invite you to my latest blog entry. I'm dying to know what inventive things you've done in that smallest of rooms...
dcup - about the flying tackle hug? I love it - I'm stealing it.
So glad to "see" you back! We are social creatures, we need company, especially when things look really dark and scary.
My buddy who is long dead now (at 52 from pancreatic cancer) used to say when it felt like he was being shit on all over that God was fertilizing him again because She wanted him to grow.
I've made a ton of terrible choices in my life, some still make me want to vomit, and my life was irrevocable changed. But the sun always came out again, and the deeper the horseshit the better my tomatoes grew. :)
Just take it moment to moment, and day by day. You'll find out that you are stronger than you think.
And I've found that cake always makes everything feel better.
hey, you're back! Don't take off like that again, WM. You can say whatever you want here; we're not judging.
Seeing you here, well that just made my Friday.
I was just about ready to hop on the next plane with a bit of that special soup my sister brought me, a box of wine and some kleenex and not leave uh until you kicked me out , I guess...or my kids missed me . Whichever came first.
Glad to have you back. Your blog makes me smile on even the shittiest of days :)
19th nervous breakdown
I like chocolate cake.
I checked your site at least twice a day, I was really worried for you. I'm glad to see your sense of humor back, as someone like you who is so funny all the time, when they get serious...well, it's kind of scary, something had to have really gone wrong. Good to have you back Whiskey, don't go running off like that again. Or we'll have to hobble you ala Misery.
I HEART YOU, WHISKEY MARIE.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ( :
Girl you'll do anything to feel me up won't ya? I'm only letting you this one time to make you feel better.
Well, John stole my comment and I had nothing else prepared, so I'll just start oddly rambling about how big of a weido I felt like when I was explaining to my future husband that my apparent sadness was for a girl on the internet who was going through something tough. But then I said to myself, "Self: It's not just a random interweb person. It's whiskey. The girl who made you bust a gut when you had spent all day crying. The girl whose humor has saved the day in your life more times than you can count. It's okay to feel sad."
I sobered up, but I still totally feel that way.
I'll only let you squeeze my butt if I get to squeeze yours back!
Seriously, tho, glad you are back. That which doesn't kill us can only make us stronger.
Whiskey- I came over here yesterday and didn't leave a comment. I was just content in the knowing, but today I have the energy to rejoice more visibly. This comment is the rejoicing. It's lame, I know, but the thing about you is, I know that's okay, and sometimes even praised.
You rock my socks, Grrrrl. (See... lame.)
The interweb just wasn't the same without you! Glad you're back :)
Now tell me more about this cake...
You know, I'm a little bit rock-n-roll.
Welcome back WM!
I agree with everyone a million times!!
welcome back! we'll take whatever we can get from you. we're kind of whores like that here. ; )
so anyhooo...cake would be good. i'll stop back on my way home from my little weekend vaca. oh, and i've recently discovered that i quite love red velvet cake, in case you were wondering.
anyway, welcome back. we missed you!
I am so happy to see that you are back! I think this whole bloggy world is pretty amazing sometimes...there are some really incredible people in the world, and I (like you) have been grateful for every one of them a number of times.
I'm glad you're on the mend and I can understand your need to move on to "lighter" things in a way. I'll be here to read you no matter where you are on the light to heavy spectrum. :)
I love cake. I'm pretty sure it would melt before it got here so please bake one - for the enjoyment of it, you know - and then eat my part for me. I like the extra gooey chocolatey kind.
Keep hangin' on.
can i fedex you a cake and some smiles?
All I can say is: Yippee!!!!
I saw this post on Sunday and you don't even know how happy it made me to see some new words from you! I hope things continue to get better and know there are a lot of people who care about you even though we've never met you. The power of love knows no limits.
Glad your back....
*sitting down, throwing arm across the back of the couch, taking a bite of delicious cake and trying my best not to spit crumbs all over myself*
"So, what's new?"
we love you!
please make my cake a chocolate one with mint flavoured icing. thank you!
I’m sure you’ve done something lousy, and I’m sure I’ve done worse. For what’s its worth, I still want to be your friend.
Oh Whiskey Marie I love you my long lost sister and I miss you and I want you to come back. It's awful without you. I'm sending you lots of hugs and more good feelings. This will all work out. I promise. Also I would like it to be an orange pound cake please. Served by a monkey.
I don't mind you go as vague as you can, as long as I'm reading you here and I know you are getting by fine...as I know you would...you always do, right?
Welcome back. I do like cake. I also like various other baked goods...Don't feel limited. :)
Hey Look! It's you! Glad to see you back. Cannot wait to read your next post. As for the out pour of love. We realize you are not just a screen that gets refreshed and entertains us. There is a real live person on the other end.
I'm glad to have you back, and I hope things are looking up a bit for you.
Now lets get down to business: I need your thoughts on Palin and I need them now.
so glad you're back WM. I missed you and I'm still thinking of you daily and wishing you well!
YAY - WM'S BACK!!! Whew, my fast can end!
Welcome back WM, you're right. That post was cryptic and a bit concerning.
You can thank me with cash ;) So very glad you are back!
Did someone say cake?
Maybe you could make each and every one of us our own personalized cupcake and hand deliver them? I don't think that's too much to ask.
!!! I missed it !!! I'm sorry. :( They blocked you at work and now I have to venture onto the internets from home and DAMN - all this stupid wedding planning. I missed it. :( I'm sorry. I missed my chance to be there for you. I hope you are ok. I hope life is better now that a few weeks have gone by (Gah - a few weeks - how could not visit for so long???) Me = bad friend. Sorry. :(
Sending big belated hugs and much love your way.
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