Thursday, August 14, 2008

In the time it took me to do this post I could have built a replica of the Great Wall of China with toothpicks

We're having internet issues here at VonPartypants headquarters.

My fancypants mega awesome "faster than a speed reader on crack" service has been sloooooooow.
"Dial up service circa 1994" slow. "Your aunt Bertha with a walker and pumped up with morphine" slow. "Waiting in line at the DMV" slow.

It took me 20 minutes to get logged on to blogger and upload this picture of my laptop, so until this is fixed (hopefully between 6:00a.m. and 11:00p.m. today, according to the testy man on the phone yesterday), I'll be m.i.a. for a bit more.

But really, other than:
-the fact that we had a jackhammer in our basement yesterday along with a giant pile of dirt
-the fact that our plumber said "this job really SUCKS" and "how old IS this house?" more than once yesterday
-the fact that I've been obsessively smelling my cats- their fur smells really good this week for whatever reason
-the fact that I have spent most of my week sitting on my butt, waiting for plumbers, handymen, either call or show up while phone-stalking the salesman who sold us our new couch which was supposed to be delivered almost two weeks ago and is still not here
-the fact that I keep eating an oddly delicious mixture of whole wheat pasta, chickpeas and eggs with parmesan cheese
-the fact that I had dinner with some old friends and the best line of the night was "Cindy McCain needs a good, swift kick in her taco"
-the fact that the fact that I'm getting ready for a garage sale that I'm having with a friend next week and I'm far more excited to do this than I should be,

I got nothin'.

Maybe later, my binary bits of interesting but useless information. Maybe later.


Comfort Junkie said...

My cats smell like sunscreen this week. Sunscreen and sunshine. I love the smell of sunscreen because it reminds me of days at the beach. My only guess is that after I liberally sprayed every exposed part of my body with an ozone-killing SPF 30 mist, the cats rolled around on the floor in the stuff that missed.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Stop sniffing your cats. I mean it. It will only lead to you sniffing worse things because we all know cats are a "gateway" animal.

surviving myself said...

mmmmmm..... tacos......

Melissavina said...

Ah... this is rough. I hate times like these. My computer at home just took a shit and I need to scrape together all of my money to replace it. I'm dreaming big... I'm dreaming of a Macbook. It will be the first time I've ever spent that much money on myself, and I can't wait. I hope you're up to speed soon!

John said...

Please send email bidding updates on garage sale WM unmentionables. I will outbid ANYONE by a quarter. And paying shipping.

Is that the new Apple Air laptop? Schweet!

gorillabuns said...

I've had ONE garage sale my whole life. last year. This year's donations are going through the roof due to last year's garage sale. enough said.

Moe Wanchuk said...

I wanna know what u did for that job thing last week.

Someone told me that ur a part time chef at leann chin

Dr Zibbs said...

WM you should be happy. Look at that brilliant description of fast and slow at the begining of the post. Very funny and wordsmithy

Dr Zibbs said...

And one more thing. Please take some pics of the garage sale items. In spirit, I have the bumper sticker on my car that says, "this car stops at all garage sales."
I hope you have a good time getting rid of your VHS tapes, crappy exercise equipment, potato chip microwave crisper and white plastic lawn chairs.

Sornie said...

Cindy McCain needs a good, swift kick in her taco

I don't know that it would do any good due to her being possibly made of plastic.

And I am assuming that the jackhammer and plumber were part of one project, right?

wafelenbak said...

My softer, fuzzier kitty always smells so nice. It's weird. I always expect her to smell a little more ripe or more like cat food, as her sister tends to do.
But I'm glad I'm not the only weirdo who notices how her cat smells.

pistols at dawn said...

That computer is awesome! In two years, when it's invented, can I play Asteroids on it?

Gwen said...

I love the way my little cat smells. Thankfully he tolerates being manhandled and sniffed really well.

Sandy said...

I thought this post would have a computer questions so I could finally comment. :(

Butrfly Garden said...

Are YOU in the loop? I am and it sucks pretty bad, so I would assume.

I wouldn't dare smell my cat. The bitch bathed herself on my bed last night and I was itching like crazy all over. I hate my allergies.

Shannon Erin said...

Whole wheat pasta, chick peas, eggs & parmesan? My god, that sounds intriguing.

TwistedNoodle said...

I feel for ya with the remodeling and construction. When we re-did our kitchen I professionally packed all my dishes, sealed the boxes, placed them in the next room covered with blankets. When I went to unpack I found a layer of sheet rock and wood dust all over them. I may have well just left the out. Each time I cleaned it would work up more dust and would then settle so I'd have a brand new layer all over my stuff an hour after cleaning. It took months to get rid of it all. In the end it was well worth it and I had a beautiful functioning kitchen. How I miss that kitchen. Ahh, memories.

When I read the part about your basement my mind went straight to thoughts of the buried bodies of all the workers who have tickered you off.

As far as the whiny plumber, you could always let him know you have a spot reserved in your basement and a hole ready and waiting just for him. My sick, twisted mind is running wild this morning. Uh oh.

I hope you post before and after pics when it's completed.

Stefanie said...

"Cindy McCain needs a good, swift kick in her taco" will likely be the funniest thing I read all week... even though you wrote it last week.