Thursday, October 18, 2007

And how did YOU spend your Thursday morning?

I won't be dressing up for Halloween this year- again.

But, in the spirit of the season, I thought I'd use my monkey-addled brain to help y'all with your costume ideas.

I came up with a few flashes of brilliance that you may be interested in.

I had few requirements in this endeavor, except that:
a) They had to be completed in 20 minutes or less
b) They had to be reeeaaaallly cheap. (I spent a grand total of $2.49 for some white face makeup and a box of Good n' Plenty's which really don't count cause I'm going to eat them.)

Prepare to be dazzled.

#1 is what I like to call "Welcome to the Valley of the dolls nine months pregnant, darling"

All that was needed was a negligee big enough to stuff (which strangely, I already had on hand), some girly heels, a cigarette (mine is gum), a cocktail and an "empty" pill bottle (this is where the GNP's come into play. Feel free to pop them all evening)

Mommy needs her "medicine..."

For this to work, your makeup needs to be fucked up. I really should have gone more over-the-top here, but I ran out of time.

This next one is one I like to call "Hellraiser's poor trashy cousin"

All that was needed was a garbage bag, nails, white makeup and black clothing.
Not bad for 20 minutes, I think.

Hey, even scary nail-head ladies need a little down time. You know, time to kick back, watch "The Office" (lady hellraiser loves Dwight) and just have a cosmo with the girls.

Right as I was set to take the pictures of this next one, the Mr. Came home from work early.

You can imagine how awkward this was.

I don't think he was so much surprised that I looked like this, but more surprised to find out what I spend my free time doing.
He just shook his head and went upstairs.
I thought that was for the best.

This one is called "mentally ill mime" which I think is redundant, but hey.
All that was needed was a black turtleneck, leggings, a beret, a hot pink or similarly-colered bra, a pair of Elmo underwear and the white face makeup ($.99 at Walgreens)

Hey! Someone get me out of this box!

And finally, the one I like to think of as my little tribute to Minnesota, the Girl Scouts and marshmallows.

You'll need a white or ivory sheet, a brown shirt and two pieces of cardboard for this one:

C'mon- you know what it is!

A Smore!

There you go, and you're welcome.


McGone said...

You? Are insane. Please don't ever change.

My god, that Mime picture...

And did anyone else think the first picture was Britney Spears at first?

nancypearlwannabe said...

I almost just peed my pants imagining your husband walking in on you dressed like a mime with your camera set up.

Oh my lord.

nabbalicious said...

Wow. I am actually inspired to dress up for Halloween and steal your awesome ideas, and believe me, that takes a lot of doing.

abbersnail said...

'k, I know this isn't the point and all, but HOT DAMN. You have some great legs on you, woman!

Butrfly Garden said...

My adoration for you grows stronger every day.

I think my favorite was the valley of the dolls pregnant.

Glad to see you're still getting use out of those gummy cigarattes.

"For this to work, your makeup needs to be fucked up." - loved that! For my halloween costume, my makeup ALSO needs to be fucked up.

CDP said...

Hysterical. And the first (my personal favorite, although insane mime runs a very close second) closely resembles a picture my friend Laura showed me...her mother and her aunt, December 1965, pregnant out to HERE, cigarettes in their right hands and martini glasses in their left hands. Damn spoilsport Surgeon General...flibbety floo.

Chiada said...

HAHA! These are awesome. You are so funny! I had to keep clicking over to Outlook in case somebody walked past my desk who shouldn't see those kinds of pictures. Oh, man, those pics crack me up. I agree with abbersnail on the legs, too.

-R- said...

I am in awe.

This year my husband and I are going as characters from Tommy Boy. We are all about the timely references. Anyway, H will be Tommy, and I will be David Spade.

Suze said...

You are absolutely the funniest and the best. I look forward to serving you your shot of whiskey when you come trick or treating' this year!

lizgwiz said...

Those are hilarious! I particularly like the mime. Although I'm with you...I don't think there ARE any mentally well mimes. ;)

Sean said...

Your creative genius astounds me! I think the Elmo underwear was an especially wonderful and demented touch.

Stacey said...

Lawd help me. I need some dry drawers because WM made me piss my pants from laughter.

I'm thinking of the Mime for my workplace...

deana said...

Why, oh why, can't you be my neighbor? Highly entertaining - as usual.

Fran said...

I bow down to your Halloween greatness. Each photo had me laughing, spitting and coughing more than the prior one.

Although if there was a vote, I am going with the Valley of the Preggers Dolls.

You got mad skillz sistah. Mad skillz.

I have to get one last spain post done- I did a WM type photo in your honor.

Freida Bee, MD said...

OMFG I had the same reaction to the exact same thing as Mc and Nancy. I just hope your Mr. appreciates it like we do.

I think the Elmo undies make the mime costume what it is, BADASSS!

EmBee said...

You're killin' me with the Mime!

Nature Girl said...

You are so freaken' awsome! I love it! and I cracked up that the Mr. came home in the midst of all that. I had a similar day to myself last week in which I dressed up, took pics, posted to my blog and my fear the entire time doing it was that my DH would come home. He already thinks I'm slipping, if he sees my blog he'll have me committed!
You cracked me up..the first one is my fave, but I'm kinda sick and twisted like that!
I thought of you this week while I was in VA your mail for another postcard..

kat said...

Whiskey, my two greatest regrets are that 1) I am straight, and 2) you are taken -- because after this, I seriously want to marry you.

Distributorcap said...

that was great!

to be real valley of the dolls you need to walk in heels in the snow tho

Lollie said...

I used to think that the best costume ever was when my Mom and Pops had a dress up Valentine's party. He wore scrubs, she was the heart transplant patient in a white hospital gown. The coup de gracie? She wore a plastic baggie aroung her neck that had a lambs heart in it.

Now the Smore wins.

Stefanie said...

You dressed up for fun when you were home alone. And you took pictures. Seriously, why don't MORE of us spend our free time that way??

You are awesomely absurd and hilarious, WM.

LittlePea said...

Are you sure we're not separated twins? Dammit the things we have in common.

I love you. That's all I can say.

That's all I need to say.

JRE Writes said...

you are freaking hillarious. I love that you would use the time/energy for this. number 1 is hands down my favorite!

gorillabuns said...

your love for elvis and dressing up for halloween?

i think you are wonderful!

Failcooks said...

Alright. I just shit my pants. Thanks alot.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Holy crap you're killing me! I love, love, love the first one! But honestly, how much do I love a chick who will dress up in costumes just to show others what they could do on Halloween? You are truly a giver. Nest year those bastards at the Nobel Academy better announce your name or I'm gonna be pissed.

T said...

I loved the first and last. Very creative. The cherry thong is also priceless. Didn't I put that in your stocking last year?!

Stacy said...

I AM CRYING. K came home to you dressed as a cracked-out mime? You KNOW you are loved!

When you come home, will you come over and go through my closet for costume ideas whilst I make you Miso Happiness?

Jarod said...

This was freakin' hilarious!

pissed in NYC said...

Please dress up for Halloween and stop by my place. I promise I will give cash instead of candy. Kudos.

Glencross said...

I am fankly humbled by the effort that has gone into this post!

Kate said...


You are seriously the funniest person I "know".



Tengrain said...

I might do the preggers Valley of the Dolls, and I'm a guy!



Rebecca said...

aah - those pregnancy photos take me back to the days...except you have much better legs than me. Bitch.

and your husband walking in - ha ha! I'm going to come back here later and show my man what you get up to that he knows I'm not the only one!

Amaya said...

OMG! This is hilarious! I wish I'd seen these before deciding to be an altar boy to my husband's priest.

Katrin said...

Perfect! Perfect! Perfect!

Thanks for making me laugh out loud.

Cherann said...

These are awesome costume ideas. Too bad I'm going to be around a lot of conservative moms. I don't think they would think it was funny if I came in that pregnant lady costume. However, I think it rocks and it made me laugh.

Dr said...

God damn it I have to print out this whole blog and read it! Puttin' yourself out dare.

John said...

Thoughts about Valley of the Dolls:

1. Totally befitting for Halloween, your very creepy interpretation has a real Sharon Tate/Manson family feel to it. It even looks like you might stab YOURSELF to death.

2. In pic #1, you look sexy as hell. No wonder you got pregnant.

3. I could never pull this costume off.

Anonymous said...

You've got a good thing here.
How about combining the first two, so that "Knocked Up Zombie Seeks Like Minded Individual For Party Time" or the nail-headed one with the mime for "I Never Should Do 'Locked In The Packing Crate' Around Construction Psychos"

Lovely, all of them.