So...instead of "Things I will do/changes I will make in 2009/things I will hate myself in December '09 for not accomplishing", I give you-
Things I absolutely will NOT do and/or changes I resolutely refuse to make in 2009, no matter what. Even if you offer me a shiny nickel or non lice-infested and potty-trained helper monkey. Nope. Not going to happen:
- I don't promise to call more often.
- I can't say I won't eat the last bite of a shared dish just to be nice.
- I'll try, but I can't promise to keep that secret.
- I won't exercise when I don't feel like it, or if there is something really good on TV.
- I will not deny the Pizza Luce' delivery drivers the sight of my smiling face at least once a week.
- I refuse to apologize to my liver.
- I won't stop picking at random invisible things on my face for entertainment.
- I will not stop denying those rumors that deep down I know are true.
- I refuse to try to be "in tune" and "sing well".
- No matter how much you stare, I refuse to NOT dance a little at the grocery store if a kick-ass song comes on over the PA system.
- I won't stop telling you how good you look in that hideous outfit.
- I cannot promise that I won't bail on plans at the last minute because I want to stay home and talk to my cats.
- I'm pretty sure I'm still only going to wear matching clothes about 20% of the time.
- I can't say I'm going to be a nicer person, mostly because I think I'm pretty fucking nice already, which is as nice as I want to be.
- I probably won't stop being obnoxious sometimes. Really, it's part of my charm.
- I refuse to wear pants unless I feel like it.
- I won't pretend I don't want the big piece of cake.
- I probably still won't "play it safe".
- I won't pretend to not enjoy it when I get my way/win.
- I don't think I'll take up smoking, no matter how cool it looks.
- I will not stop buying ridiculous shoes/clothes just because I haven't anywhere to wear them.
- I don't think I'll stop playing dress-up.
- I can't even pretend to try to not laugh when you trip.
- I'll still act like I'm above gossiping, but I'll still totally gossip.
- I won't lie except on the rare occasion when you wear those pants that makes your butt look big.
- I won't stop sticking random things in my nose.
- I won't stop kissing that picture of you, but I will stop with the tongue.
This? I think I can manage. These are resolutions I can live with.
Happy first Wednesday of the year, my little gossipy, nonmatching cat people. Happy Wednesday.
I totally refuse to be less fabulous this year. (in a non gay way that is).
Your list is way more fun than mine. Way more fun.
I'm with you on the laughing at people who fall down. I could never change that, even if I wanted to. HILARIOUS.
Seems reasonable to me!
Do what you can to spread the nonmatching clothes thing. I dress like an asshole, and I need a more forgiving world.
high standards...... raveonettes
These are great. I will commit to all of them, except I'm still going to give tongue to your picture. Which I have in front of me right now. Poster size. On the ceiling. I use a ladder to get up there and kiss you.
Am I stupid because I found that list really difficult to understand?
I won't give up swearing or speeding or thinking naughty thoughts about somebody, somewhere.
Good luck to you on your resolutions. I'm confident you can succeed.
Love it! I love the idea of putting things out there that scream...THIS IS WHO I AM AND I LIKE IT! Very proud of you girl!
I wish my grocery store played music to dance to...
I m also with you on the laughing at people who fall down. I could never change that, even if I wanted to.I love the idea of putting things out there that scream...THIS IS WHO I AM AND I LIKE IT! Very proud of you girl!
My liver stopped talking to me a long time ago. I tried to make it forgive me at first, but then I got pissed at it and now we just agree to disagree.
I promise not to sneak the box-o-wine into my basket, but proudly put TWO in just to prove a point. amysue
What's a little tongue between friends? And show your liver who's boss!
Brilliant. I think most of these would work for me, too. Mind if I steal em?
Now I feel like crap for not having made any promises of my own. Can I just steel that part about not wearing pants? I hate pants.
We should certainly compare notes on the colon cleansing.
Best list ever. Thank you.
Great list! Next we want to hear what random things you've put up your nose! LOL
awesome list! We should all stop making promises we know we can't keep, just because it's January!
i'll be over at noon to play dressup. noon tomorrow, since noon today happened 22 minutes ago.
Last year I did pretty well with my resolution, which was to be better about sending birthday cards to people. This year, I resolved to actually open my mail. But I haven't yet. Sigh.
Your list rocks.
Let's get together this year and fight over who gets the bigger piece of cake.
Hey! I just made that my New Year's resolution!
Inspired by you, I offer my own list:
I will not print two copies of this at work because there's a great color printer there.
I will not hang one copy on my fridge at home.
I will not hang the other on the bulletin board above my desk at work.
I will not eat green eggs and ham.
I am all about the anti-resolution. Why set yourself up for failure, when you can come up with a list that you absolutely know you can accomplish? Well done, I say.
I will not stop impregnating every single thing you post.
That is all.
THIS is the best damn post I've read in a while! Awesome! I think I would have had better luck making a list like this. I can't even stick to the one pathetic resolution I did make.
Happy New Year!
You are my role model.
Was that you at the supermarket the other day?? I'm sorry-really for staring and pointing you out to the other shoppers.
So glad someone else refuses to stop picking their face for entertainment too. I just can't make a committment like that. No way.
Dear GOD do NOT stop dressing up? And dance baby dance - it feels so right to boogie by the bok choy.
I will stay home and talk to my kittie more...when you say kitties I feel so empty. I need another one.
These are all excellent. Also, don't stop with the tongue. My picture is unhappy about that one.
Geez, all I resolved to do was eat more fruits and veggies. Way to go stepping up the game!
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