Thursday, January 15, 2009

Coming soon: Office Space Cage Fight to the Death 2009

Working in a shared office with people who TALK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THEIR KIDS BODILY FUNCTIONS AND WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO EAT FOR LUNCH SHOULD I HAVE PIZZA OR A SANDWICH WHAT DO YOU THINK KATHY? suddenly got better now that I entered 1998 and discovered the joy of headphones and really loud music. Next thing you know I'll be driving one of those fancy LeCars all the kids are talking about if I keep this "modernization" trend up.

I just hope I don't accidentally start singing, because right now I'm listening to The Lords of Acid and me blurting out in a sing-songy voice, "In the ass..." might not go over so well. Whatever. If I have to listen to you have a conference call ON SPEAKERPHONE FOR FORTY MINUTES, then kiss my ass- you're listening to me sing if I feel like it, buster. I may even bust a move in my cubicle, if the mood strikes.

I hate people- not you guys, of course- but all those other jerks.

Happy Thursday, my frozen, -24 degree little worker bees. Happy Thursday.

XO

26 comments:

John said...

*imagination at work* Whiskeymarie sitting in cube farm with headphones on, bobbing head, singing acappella ..."in the ass ...in the ASS!..."

LOL. : )

Kim said...

I just heard on the news how cold it is up there and for a minute got a little scared for my sweet WM. I then realized you're used to it and probably know how to stay warm and alive...unlike how I'd be in those circumstances.
After a lifetime of having to hear my co-workers, I finally recently got my own office WITH A DOOR. It is a beautiful thing - I can now fart whenever and however loudly I feel like. I only wish you had a door.

Giggle Pixie said...

Thank god for headphones! I always hated all the conversations I couldn't help but overhear at the cubicle farm too. Especially since I sat across from a woman who talked NON-FUCKING-STOP all day about completely INANE subjects and she wouldn't stop even when people walked away from her!! Oy...

Bill Hipps said...

Oh to have to interact with the public...

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

When chicks fight, we all win.

Step Right Up said...

I hate when my coworker comes in to my office to show me the stretch marks on her dumpy body and tells me about her kid's bodily functions. I no longer eat lunch in the breakroom and since when are we close enough for her to lift her shirt up to me?

My word verification is GOREE. How fitting.

Gwen said...

Go ahead and sing, sweetie. Sing your "offensive" lyrics LOUD and maybe they'll ask to have you transferred to a quiet corner all by yourself.

It worked for me. I sat at my desk and yelled vagina and fuck until management built an office in the library for me.

Anonymous said...

I hate people too. My desk sits in a glorified hallway. Earlier, I decided to turn up the volume on my radio a bit more than usual when I realized that the NPR host and his guests were discussing "The Joy of Sex" book and how since the days of Bill and Monica, blow job references are firmly ensconced in mainstream media. A British lady extolled the wonders of vibrating cock rings. They went on to discuss sex in great detail all-the-while taking themselves as seriously as you would expext. Not wanting to act like a fifth-grader, I stat at my desk stone faced (just like the people on the radio) as the usual passers by passed by. These people normally make weak attempts at small talk when they pass my desk. Not this morning, though. This morning was silent save for the radio and it's "Kama Sutra" this and it's "shaven genitals" that...I guess silence really is a golden shower...Or something like that.

Much anonymous love to you, Whiskey.

i am playing outside said...

wait. how many jobs do you have? i feel that you have 3. you are GOOD if you've been performing your trickery on me for this long. afraid i'm gonna pool my last few pennies together, move down to the states and stand outside the window of your employment building? gasp!

Keith said...

Bless your sweet frozen little heart.

Some Guy said...

People. They're the worst.

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha - you just reminded me of a post I've been meaning to write. I'll have it up in 5.

H said...

I love my iPod, i love my iPod, i love my iPod. And I will sing out loud if the spirit moves me. I figure if the guy behind me can whistle all day, I can sing out some fiona apple.

Erin Alberty said...

Sing "In the ass" now while you've got an audience on that speaker phone conference call. It could be your big break.

BallerinaToes said...

I just heard that song for the first time. I need to blast it next time my mother in law is at my house.

pistols at dawn said...

Nice LeCar reference and new, similarly-impressive-to-the-futuristic-design-of-said-LeCars look, lady!

I've said it before, but of all the hobos I know, you're the dreamiest.

WendyB said...

I was always amused at my last corporate job (Lehman Brothers!) when someone on a speakerphone conference call would hit the hold button and we'd all be tormented by elevator music.

Lisa said...

I think you should next learn System of Down's Chop Suey. That will be a winner. I would not steer you wrong.

Ghost Dansing said...

Rollergirl dont worry

DJ play the movies all night long

O.G. said...

You should try busting a move while listening to bust a move by young mc...and take the headphones off so your co-workers can hear what's going on.

Bubs said...

Our eldest just got a job doing data entry and mail processing and one of her favorite things about it is the ability to listen to her iPod all day long at work.

Congratulations on your small victory over the shortcomings of other people.

Anonymous said...

You should also feel free to sing Limp Bizkit's song, "Nookie" in these such trying circumstances: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q72gvldxoA
I once-upon-a-time had to work with several old bitty's b!tching, gossiping, and cackling ALOUD for 40+ hrs. per week about anything and everything and decided I'd match their annoying & disrespectful dribe with a little youthful rebellion... "I did it all for the nookie...and you can stick it up your a@*..!!" Great results: they shut the hell up. 'Nuff said.... ~ Renata1967

diatribes and dish said...

You know what I hate? When people come and stand in my office to "chat" when they have nothing else to do. It might not be so bad if they had something worthwhile to talk about, but, nope, not usually. Grrr.

punchlinewalking said...

Cubicles are the devil's work.

Landis said...

it's negative 24 here too. plus one hundred degrees.

have you considered moving?

people who talk loud here pretty much just do it on the street corners, and they're funny/scary vs. annoying.

hobos. god's little reminder of how close we all are to him/her.

Fancy Schmancy said...

What a coinky-dink! I hate everyone outside of bloggy land, too! (with the exception of my kid - most of time!)