Monday, December 22, 2008

Looks like I just stepped in a big, steaming pile of Christmas!

I know I've been notably absent from your action-packed lives as of late. I'm sorry I missed little Dottie's Christmas pageant, and I'm really sorry I forgot to pick your grandma up from her weekly poker game at the VFW (I sure hope someone finds her soon- how far could she have wandered in two days, really?).

I've been sick as a wino with whooping cough and a side of scabies, my dears. I'm achy, tired, and I'm pretty sure I just coughed up part of my spleen. Good times.

Since I'm just sitting here at home with kleenex stuffed up my nose and a warm mug of "special" tea, how's about I rummage through that big ol' box of photos and pull out some candy-coated christmas goodness for y'all?

A little "Whiskeymarie holiday retrospective bonanza starring Pheobe Cates as Whiskeymarie", if you will. Or, "Whiskeymaire's White Trash Hootenanny", if you won't:

Whiskey's first christmas, 1971. Poor little baby Whiskey looks confused. Perhaps she is overwhelmed by all of the sparkly things and packages, or perhaps she just pooped herself.

"That's right, fat guy. Keep those hands where I can see them. And give me a damn Barbie this year, will ya? And how about a Ken doll too, so I can play dirty Barbies again like my weird cousin from the South showed me. Thank you."

All I remember about this dog is that I tripped over him once and fell down the basement stairs.
You will note the awesomeness of the red/olive shag carpeting.

The year we got the BEST GAME EVER- Mouse Trap. This game had approximately 4,674 parts, and usually by the time you finally got it set up it was time for bed. Man, we LOVED that game.

My sister (the one with her tongue sticking out) may have just told me that Santa died in this picture. That would explain me screaming and running away. Well, that or she told me where babies come from. Either way, scary.

Christmas at the Farm with the Hee-Haw side of the family. The man in the Santa suit is Uncle Bucky, who you may remember from this post. I'd say that there is a 99% chance that Bucky is sweating cheap beer and brandy under that suit, judging from the sweat stains.

This is the year I was channeling both Dorthy Hamill and any random Charles Dickens character through my hair and wardrobe. I'm pretty sure this is also the year we got an Atari 2600 under the tree. Pong. Pong. Pong. We were the first people I knew that had an Atari.
Man, that was an awesome year.

Christmas morning in the early 80's. This is the year my Dad bought my Mom a Ronco Food Dehydrator in a sweeping fit of romance. That food dehydrator sat in the box in the attic for the next 8 years, unused. The following year I was recruited to do all of my Dad's shopping for him, including wrapping the gifts and acting surprised as to what was in them.

Look closely- I am this excited!!! to get a box of Love's Baby Soft Perfume. To this day, the smell of that stuff makes me barf in my mouth a little.

Pretty typical christmas eve with the menfolk at our house. Beers, salty snacks and a lively discussion about snowblowers, fishing lures and lumber.

Finally for today, Whiskeymarie on her way to the Snowball Dance at school. This is the one where the girls ask the boys to go. I asked a boy that I had liked (from Proctor- some of you know where this is), and he pretty much spent the night sulking and staring at one of my girlfriends. And- Yes, I still made out with him. Duh.

Between the gift wrapping, coughing up body parts and decking of the halls I don't know if I'll be back before Friday, my dears. I promise to say something socially awkward at an inappropriate moment at a family gathering if you will. Promise?

And, as a side note for Zibbs and Gwen- I believe I was supposed to post a crappy gift for a sick person here, but I'm pretty sure that as I am dealing with SARS or Avian Flu or the Whooping cough that I am the very person who should be at the receiving end of such crappiness. And don't give me that crap about needing to be "terminally ill" or something. Sheesh.

Have a happy Holiday, my beer-swilling, santa suit-wearing, sweaty sugar cookies. Happy Holidays.



Gwen said...

Aw, honey! I'm sorry you're so sick. I put some chicken soup in an envelope and sent it to you. Considering the current single-digit temps across the nation it will arrive solid so just throw it in a saucepan and heat it up.

Feel better, hot stuff!

Dr Zibbs said...

Ha. That first pic looks like the baby pic that Fancy Smancy posted of herself last week.

As for the crappy gift. We'll just say that crappy beer in the picture counts.

Anonymous said...

Hi WM,

I'm sorry that you're sick, hope you feel better soon.

I wish you and the Mr a wonderful Christmas!

Stay warm.

Try Hot Brazilian's brew. Worked for me.

Boil lemon pieces and garlic for a few minutes. Strain. Stir in a little honey. Drink as quickly as you can.

Take care,


Kim said...

The year we got our Atari (pong, space invaders, pac man and asteroids, woooo!) we also got the soundtrack to Annie. My sister and I played both, simultaneously, for the duration of our vacation. No wonder our parents drank so much.
As for Love's Baby Soft, well, I'm embarrassed to admit the other day in a fit of nostalgia, I bought a small bottle. My memory of it is way better than reality and my husband's opinion? "It kind of smells like soap." Perfume FAIL.
Feel better and have a great Christmas! You've made this year a lot more fun for me than it would've been otherwise.

Bubs said...

Was there anything cooler than being the first among your friends to get Pong?

And you had teh coolest carpeting ever.

dguzman said...

A great post, WM, as usual. I love your flashbacks.

I am the Outlaw king! The KING! said...

I remember the year we got our Atari. Second grade for me. I still have a teeny nerd-gasim when I think of it. Is there anything more satisfying than a game of Outlaw?

I submit there is not.

Feel better :)

Some Guy said...

I love it when you do these retrospectives!

Get well soon and have a great Christmas!

kirby said...

I just can't get over the fact that you were born in 1971. I probably have socks that are older than you.

Throw back some brandy, better yet, some grappa, have a long soak in a nice hot tub, and feel better.

Talk With No Thought said...

I just got over the same thing. I was sexy as what with my kleenex in one hand and my barf in the other.

And mousetrap? My sister and I loved (LOVED) that game. I think it's probably still in my mom's game cabinet at her house.

Feel better WM and happy holidays!

beatgrl said...

If I just squint a bit I could be looking through my own photo album. I was born in late 1970.

Sorry to hear you are sick, I hope you feel better soon!

180|360 said...

Merry Christmas, Whiskeymarie! I love all your old photos. :) xxx

PS. Hope you feel better soon!

Kate said...

But did you bring that bottle of Windsor with you to the dance?

I hope you feel better SOON! (Vacation! Snot popsicles! Weee!)

punchlinewalking said...

There is something extra creepy about a relative in a santa outfit.

Hope you feel better soon! Merry Christmas!

Suze said...

Love the pictures as usual. Have a great Christmas my monkey-loving friend!

CDP said...

I had NO IDEA that Mouse Trap has been around for so long. My 7 yo got it for his birthday (from my SIL) and it is his favorite game of all time.

WendyB said...

Are you sick as a wino or a Winehouse? If you have track marks and a beehive, it's the latter.

Anonymous said...

Dig the UNWRAPPED booze under the tree. Now THAT says xmas to me, baby-doll!

Feel better, WM! I'd send you my pollo verde soup (extra spicy just for you), but your hot mailman wouldn't like a drippy package and a drippy recipient...

hugs and...uhm, I'll wait till you're better...amysue

Mommy Lisa said...

Love's Baby Soft - the smell of pre-teen romance in a bottle. Well, that and Strawberry Bonne Belle Lipsmacker. (holding back the puke.)

Good times, good times.

Mach1 said...

I like that record cover in the background of the first picture. It screams 1970s in a voice that also demands "Notice me!"

Iheartfashion said...

Your shag carpeting was much nicer than mine, but I DID get the Atari 2600, and played it til my hands were calloused.
Feel bettah soon, WM!

Lollie said...

Wow, seriously? Booze at your feet under the tree and no mention? Hmmm. Curious.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I'm pretty sure my mother still has our Mousetrap game somewhere- I am totally busting that bad boy out to see if it is as awesome as I remember!

pistols at dawn said...

Now I've got the Atari record song "Mouse Trap" stuck in my head. "Mouse Trap! Mouse Trap! Cheese was the bait! Won't somebody stop me before it's too late!"

That's not much of a Christmas gift, jerk. Feel better and enjoy yours, ideally listening to Buckner & Garcia.

i am playing outside said...

i love tripping down someone else's memory lane. this was wonderful!

and good for you, for kissing him anyway. you can kiss whoever the hell you want, lady!

Merry Christmas!

John said...

I LOVE you WMVP. And Christmas is for telling you so. Sure, I know, I tell you all the time, but on Christmas, I really, really, really, really, REALLY mean it!


Nobody. That's who. Not even Santa.

P.S. - my comment captcha is "dootor", as in, "whaddidja doo'to'r?" I din' doo nuttin' to 'or. She was already like that.


Renaissance Woman said...

Hope you feel better soon! Love when you post pictures from the!

Christian Marie said...

Really enjoy your blog! We are from the same era - children of the 80's.

Thanks for making me laugh.

cjl said...

My parents still have the same carpet

Fancy Schmancy said...

I hope by this time you are feeling better! I was thinking the same thing about the baby picture looking like mine, maybe we're distantly related - although you ended up much better looking in adulthood! Beautiful pic of the snow ball dance, and I love the liquor bottles on the floor under the tree with the pictures. My dad used to give my mom a boxed liquor of something every year and "wrap" it with dollar bills. Corny.

domboy said...

Your xmas photo portfolio's have the same mal-adjusted colouring, girl-stockings and odd sideburns as mine.