- I pulled a muscle in my crotchal region yesterday. I was attempting to not fall on my bum at work after stepping on a slimy piece of onion. I didn't fall, but I felt something "snap" in the area in question, and now I'm in pain. Looks like I won't be doing the splits or cracking walnuts open with my thighs anytime soon.
- After seeing this disgustingly cute video of the kitten that loves broccoli, I decided to see if my turdlets feel the same way about the stinky green stuff. I nuked a piece in the microwave for a few seconds, cooled it, then let the two inky beasts have at it. They freaking LOVED it. Trouble snarfed the whole thing down and made a weird, low, gutteral, rumbling noise whenever anyone came near or if Pooter tried to horn in on his broccoli action. It was hilarious, and when I get a chance I'm shooting my own kitty/broccoli porno.
- I ordered a pair of jeans online, and instead of the size I ordered, they sent me a size 1. As in "smaller than a size TWO." Then, when I returned them and re-ordered, they sent me the wrong jeans. Instead of cute, booty-huggin', flattering jeans, I got baggy, high-waisted, tapered "mom-jean" nastiness. I'm not sure what the universe is trying to tell me, but I'm pretty sure the universe needs to just shut the hell up and mind it's own business.
- I love the show 30-Rock so much that I want to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
- Instead of a tree this year, I threw green lights in a potted plant and called it a day. And no, I'm not joking.
- If the internets didn't exist, no one would be getting gifts this year. I would have to make everyone macaroni art and hope for the best. Anyone on my gift-giving list should hug their computer and offer up a sacrificial virgin to Al Gore for giving us the bounty that is online shopping.
- I ate an entire (large) bag of white-cheddar popcorn the other day. My fingers still smelled like cheese the next morning. If we're keeping score- Shame-spiral: 1, Whiskeymarie: zero.
- I've spent so much time at work lately that I'm starting to enjoy the gentle hum of the flourescent lights and the pasty glow it gives my already-freakishly-pale skin. This fact might explain the lack of quality posting as of late. After Friday I'm off for almost three weeks, so I promise to tell you all about my fallopian tubes (they're fine, thanks for asking) and maybe I'll give you the play-by-play of the action that was "Whiskey scooping out the litterbox this morning." Good stuff.
Happy Wednesday, my cheddary broccoli crotchal injuries. Happy Wednesday.
Everytime I see the Mom Jeans commercial I wonder how many moms saw it and decided that it was time to get in shape.
That kitten is a scream! I love it when gets all pissed and whiny when he thinks they're taking it away. I have to try it with my two tonight. I'll have the camera handy for video, just in case something good happens.
BTW, you need to check things out over at Poobomber's.
I can't believe it - I just posted a crotch post myself; it must be Vagina Day and we didn't know it. I hope yours heals quickly; that sounds painful.
30 Rock is brilliant and I wish more people would watch and learn.
I threw white lights in a ficus tree and feel the same way - it works!
Newly added to weekend project list: macaroni art. Thank you WM.
Ha ha! That's SUPER funny about the broccoli... who would have guessed? Aww, I miss my kitty now... I want to try it too!
Thanks for laughs, WM... even when you think you're lacking quality; you make my day and crack me up :)
And the litter box should be very interesting if you keep feeding them broccoli!
I HATE crotchal region injuries. Hope it heals fast.
I'm trying the broccoli thing as soon as I get home.
Thank Jebus you pulled that muscle now when the weather has your vagina frozen shut anyways.
Have you yet experienced the episode of 30 Rock where Dennis the Beeper King is the "Subway Hero?" Good stuff. I may have to rewatch that episode tonight.
Where's the picture of the potted plant tree?
Ahhh! One time I was at Yosemite in the winter on a field trip with a bunch of 7th graders; I was a sign language interpreter. I got to go on all the hikes with the student so he'd know what the hike leader was saying. On one hike I pulled a groin muscle and it was horrible! Just don't do what I did, which was to buy menthol sore muscle lotion for the pain. Menthol plus lady bits is not a good combo, trust me.
Oh, and I about lost it when the applique'd vest bit came on at the end of the Mom Jeans commercial. Great stuff!
So I ordered some jeans. They sent me a size zero and guess what ?
They actually fit.
Um, and then I woke up.
Just wait 'till the new season of Nip Tuck. You will want to get it pregnant with twins it'll be so damn good.
I too feel like I've been cracking walnuts - no take that back - coconuts with my crotch muscles as of late.
I ate two bags of "smartfood" cheese popcorn today.
Oh c'mon, you know you kept the mom jeans. Out with the pictures now.
I have something that could be down right horrible for you. I like to mix cheese and caramel popcorn. Well at Thanksgiving time, I was visiting my second family and she made caramel corn with those cheese popcorn puffs. The ones that are airy like popcorn but without the kernels?? Addicting. Seriously. And then you didn't have to worry about kernels stuck in your mouth.
My son is always using that exact same line from 30Rock, and he wonders why I won't take him out in public anymore.
Geez, I hope your crotch is okay! 30 Rock is the best and I was very tempted to light our big ficus tree this year, but I broke down and bought another pine to plant in the yard. And you could totally rock the mom jeans with one of your cat sweatshirts.
Hey, nugget head! You've been tagged over at my place to help find crap for sick people.
You'll be fighting me for the chance to take 30 Rock out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
Who doesn't like macaroni art??? Really, a genius concept. I would be honored to recieve such a gift.
There is 6 inches of snow on the ground in Seaside, Oregon WM! Even the Pronto Pups are frozen!
crotchal injuries are never fun. I had one once back in 92, and I never want to have that again! never. never never never.
I'm going to have to try that broccoli nuking thing with my cats.
i was wondering if other kitties liked broccoli too.....
Cats like broccoli?! You never cease to amaze me, WM! Full of useful info. :)
Yes, but did the cats throw up the broccoli afterward?
Post a Comment