Monday, December 1, 2008

"Laying tile" and other euphemisms.

Since I haven't mentioned "Operation Fix this Fucking House" in a while, and since WE ACTUALLY HAVE A ROOM DONE (did you hear that? Was I yelling loud enough for you?), I thought I'd give you an update. I know you're all dying to hear about things getting hammered and nailed (that's what SHE said!).

We have lived in our home nine years now, and that entire time we have survived with one very, very, very, very sad excuse for a crapper. I'd show you pictures of the old bathroom (still there, waiting to be gutted and re-made much like Joan Rivers' face), but not until the "after" is ready. It is so very bad, and so very embarrassing, that I cannot even express it in words other than:
Ugliest. Bathroom. Ever.

We always knew we were going to redo it, so I just did the best I could to pretty her up enough so that any houseguests we may have had didn't get confused and think that they had been magically transported to a rest stop bathroom in Haiti or something. Well, nine years later we are finally getting around to it.
Ugliest. Bathroom. EVER. Think: the kind of bathroom you see in the Serial Killer's house in horror movies. Yes- that bad.

In the meantime, we decided to add another pee station to Casa de VonPartypants so that when we demolished the old one we'd have facilities during the re-build. Oh, that and I wanted another one so that when the Mr. went in for one of his 45-minute "meditation sessions" that I'd have an alternative to a plastic grocery bag and the back porch should an urgent call come from the evacuation fairy.

Being that we have an old (100+ years) St. Paul house with not a lot of extra room (1400-1500-ish sq. feet total) for such things, we finally decided after much debate with contractors and plumbers to put one in what was formerly known as our "closet room."

This room is located directly off of our bedroom, with the entrance only accessable from the bedroom itself, not the hallway. I'm guessing it was designed as a nursery, which I find hi-larious. Good one, old timey house-builders. Good one.
Lord, how I loved having an entire room for a closet. We filled that motherfucker UP:


And, as you can see, since we were the only ones who ever saw it, I didn't really feel the need to keep it "clean" or make it so you could "walk on the floor without tripping over shoes". I would regularly find dustbunnies that were so big the cats thought I had adopted them a new friend.
Man, I love having another bathroom, but the walk-through closet we are now left with after splitting the room in 1/2 (pictures forthcoming once it's done) doesn't really cut the mustard. This is why we have bought 2 GIANT armoire thingys from IKEA and are planning on buying a third.


This is from September, when we started construction & before we added the plumbing:

My future bare-bum throne:


Now that we're basically done (still need one or two things on the walls), I am thrilled with the results. This has not been an easy project as the inner workings and such of our house are seriously challenging to the pros, let alone tards like us. And, we have obstacles like radiators, oddly-sized windows, plaster walls and sloped ceilings upstairs to deal with on top of everything else. To say our house is "difficult" to remodel is like saying that Gary Busey is "a wee bit cookoo".
We chose to do all of the work (minus the plumbing rough-ins) ourselves. That would have been bad enough, but then our plumber died and we (read: the Mister) were left to finish it ourselves or pay someone else to do it.
I feel like everyone out there should give Mr. VonPartypants a big round of applause and a long, soulful french kiss, as he not only got all of the plumbing hooked up, but he also did the tiling (I grouted), painting and trim with a minimal amount of swearing and throwing things. I did things like put up curtains, sing to the cats, and make room for my toiletries. I rock.

It is a tiny bathroom (5'3" x 10') with a sloped ceiling, but I am seriously in love with it. I would make out with it if it weren't where we do the poo and other unsavory acts.

Le commode and le sink:

An owl print on the wall that I bought before I had the kitties, but it looks just like them- Trouble looking startled in the front, and Pooter looking confused and petite in the back:

No room for a tub, so we had to put in a fairly ugly, yet functional, corner shower:

Practicing so that I get it just right on the first try, kind of like the Olympic tryouts:

The pictures make it look smaller than it really is, but I'd say that it's definitely cozy. And I think that, like me, it's much cuter in person.

Oh, but how I adore it, and it is so very, very nice to finally have one. damn. room. done.

Yay, us.
.

48 comments:

diatribes and dish said...

Nice hooters! And nice bathroom, too. Good work!

i am playing outside said...

congrats on your pretty pretty bathroom! but you failed to show us your new half-sized walkthru closet zone.

tragically, i know someone else with an entire closet room, and he is GIVING IT UP ENTIRELY to let some nephew or something live in it. as the saying goes... live in a tent out back and let the closet room be!

they still say that, right?

Landis said...

well you little rock star. you have begun the momentum. and i love the color on the walls. what DOES it remind me of?

Kim said...

It is, as the French would say...Zee shit! (Pun very much intended)
We too live in an older and CHALLENGING house and the sad part is though we DO have two bathrooms (well, one and a half), only one of them stays in working order. Luckily it's the one with the shower in it. I don't know who I have to blow to get my half bath back, but I'm getting ready to make some offers to someone besides my husband if he doesn't do something about it soon.
How are you so cute even on the potty?

Sizzle said...

Looks awesome!

Stefanie said...

So cute! I am impressed. I thought about how it would be nice to put in a second bathroom so that I have one to use when I finally do my own much-needed bathroom remodel. And then I remembered that I can only just barely afford to finance one bathroom remodel. Building a second bathroom as well? Not in the cards.

So I'm assuming I can come over and use YOUR spare one while mine's being remodeled?? :-) (I kid, I kid.)

Kate said...

Yay!!!! Hip hip hooray for the Mr!

Bubs said...

Nice owls. Now when you say "water closet" it's not really a euphemism.

T.J. said...

...sloped ceilings upstairs...on top of everything else...

Sorry, but the punster in me latched onto that phrase like a hungry dog on a wounded rat.

T.

180|360 said...

I can't imagine that you could be even better looking in person! That looks like an Orla Kiely shower curtain. And closet bathrooms are all the rage in Britain. Closets really are for storing shit. :)

pistols at dawn said...

Given my predilections for drinking too much and eating fast food at night, I applaud having a place to aim either one of your discharging ends (who sound like a great punk band) closer to your bed.

WendyB said...

I think I'm going to use that last picture for my holiday cards. Would that be strange?

Fancy Schmancy said...

Now that your hubby is done there, can you send him my way? My landlord keeps promising to fix my bathroom, but it's been almost 3 years and I'm guessing at this point he's not going to get to it. I'll trade photos with you via email so we can compare notes on serial killers and such.

Jon said...

I'm going to pretend that picture of you on the can doesn't turn me on. Nope, not even a little bit. Because that would make me some sort of weird toilet-fetish-having pervert, and we all know that's pretty far from the truth.

Seriously though, very nicely done.

Anonymous said...

Looks good....what a relief! Hee Hee

You guys did a great job!!

3carnations said...

That is awesome! Yay for extra bathrooms!

T said...

It looks great. Can't wait to try it out for myself.

McGone said...

Indoor plumbing! What'll they think of next?

Lollie said...

I know it's an optical illusion because of where the wall meets the sloped ceiling, but you do kind of look like the Poo Giant in that last pic

Dr Zibbs said...

You're even cuter in person? (Folding arms, weaving head and giving elevator eyes) Damn Girl.

H said...

The queen on her throne. Congrats on your new crapper.

lizgwiz said...

It's adorable. I love wee bathrooms, for some reason. I have a friend with a very old house, and at some point someone turned what must have been a small pantry off the kitchen into the tiniest bathroom EVER. No tub or shower, just a toilet and a tiny sink. You can literally touch both walls with your elbows while sitting on the toilet. It's adorable. And very practical, actually, since the only other bathroom is on the second floor, and who wants to run upstairs when nature is calling URGENTLY?

Katrin said...

I am so jealous! I love the little roomie. And the pi├Ęce de resistance are the curtains for me! Delightful!

Giggle Pixie said...

You had me at hammered and nailed.

But seriously, what an adorable bathroom! I just LOVE old houses that you fix up! My sister and her hubby do that to old Victorian homes and it's amazing what you can do. Great job!

dguzman said...

I too am tantalized by the idea that you're even cuter in person than you are in your photos. sigh.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Yay bathroom! Yay shots of chicks on toilets with their clothes on!

Imnotbenny said...

Nice job, it looks really good. I would totally crap like a son of a bitch in that bathroom.

Some Guy said...

I think there is definite potential for a new spin-off blog featuring bloggers on their toilets. You must know by now I'm a sucker for posts like this. Bravo!

Gwen said...

ADORABLE! And the new bathroom is nice, too.

BTW, I stood and clapped for the Mr. The man is a talented saint.

abbersnail said...

Bravo! That looks so pretty! I can't believe you built an ENTIRE ROOM.

Nature Girl said...

How AWSOME! There is nothing better than having a potty right off the bedroom, I swear it! I get up in the middle of the night like an old lady and it sucks having to go down the hall...

I totally love the color you painted the walls too! Awsome!


Stacie

BallerinaToes said...

My hundred year old, one bathroom house and I covet your new second bathroom.

Patrick said...

So you decided to forgo purchasing the toilet that flushes up like the ad you sent me? It looks good, if you and the Mister want to trade housing in Baltimore (pull out sofa in the living room) for putting a second bathroom in my house, feel free to let me know.

Moe Wanchuk said...

In my house, If I do something, I get something in return.

Say..if I go get the mail, my wife has to go buns to the sky for a whole minute.

I don't even think she'd let me remodel a whole bathroom. The risk for her would be overwhelming.

Aunt Snow said...

Oh, fantastic!!! We've had 100 year old houses, too. Do you think maybe people peed and pooped less back then?

In the first house we owned, we redid the one tiny bathroom, and had virtually ZERO money. My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas that year and I said we really needed to put all our money into the redo. So on Christmas morning, there was a white porcelain toilet under the Christmas tree, with a big red bow on it from him to me!

What I've always wanted was a bathtub - one big enought to lie down in - and I've never had one.

EmBee said...

"Cuter in person?" Well how much F'ing cuter can you/it get?
:-)

Anonymous said...

Why is it when one of you has to make #1 and/or #2, and you only have one "ter-let", that the other also has to "go" too?! Even with very opposite schedules, me & mine have this issue in our one-bedroom apt. Maybe it's that whole "power of suggestion" thing - much like needing to yawn when some else does?! BTW - how did re-painting those difficult plastic walls in your stairway turn out?? Did the re-paint work out w/o peeling?? Best of luck in your re-model sweetie!!
~ Renata1967

LaLa said...

Partypants? Make that Fancypants! Nice loo. It must be intensely gratifying to have installed indoor plumbing (mostly, partly) yourselves. You're like MacGuyver.

Dr Zibbs said...

FYI, I left you a message THEN I figured out that it would be broadcast to the world. I just set up one on my blog so check it out.

surviving myself said...

Wait - are you telling me there's something wrong with Busey?

Miss Awesome said...

If you're cuter in person than I'd probably hate you if we ever met due to your already outrageous cuteness in photos and my jealousy of any woman who's better looking than me.

Winter said...

Love the hooters!

WM said...

I think the awesomest thing about the new bathroom is that Pooter (or Trouble) is inspired to potty train.

LittlePea said...

Cute jeans. Looks nice. The husband and I have been fighting for days about a bathroom issue. He wants to move to a smaller apartment and I refuse to even discuss the idea of sharing a bathroom with a man who, for unknown reasons, splashes buckets of water all over the damn place and doesn't clean it up......Can MrVonPartyPants come to my new place and fix me a powder room of my own. Or at least a stiff drink?

mike said...

My favorite part of this whole post is that you looked at the picture of the 2 owls and decided they each are making different facial expressions. Awesome.

bernthis said...

I'm from NYC and I know people whose entire apartment is just about that size.

movin' down the road said...

I love the owl print. Your last photo, well, priceless.

Shannon Erin said...

Yay! It's adorable. Nice job Mr.!